Makha Bukha is the name of the full moon festival which was celebrated last night in Thailand, Laos and Cambodia, a remembrance of a time 2500 years ago when 1250 of the Buddha's followers spontaneously paid him a visit during the full moon. The bars were closed here (for the most part), which means that M had a night off and we were able to go and celebrate the holiday with the community. And it was amazing.
The day actually broke overcast, which is unusual, as every other day lately has been sunny and hot. The cloud cover was a nice change of pace, but I wondered if we'd get a glimpse of the moon later that night. We had a really nice day together, relaxed, watched a movie on her TV, ate and snoozed, and then shortly after sunset, we walked to one of the famous temples in Chiang Mai. (don't have the name, sorry)
I had seen this temple before, had entered it even, without realizing that directly behind it, was an ancient temple (750 years old) that was the real marker for this site. And that is where the festival was celebrated. People gathered by the hundreds and likely thousands, and each of us purchased a little garland of flowers from one of the booths that had been hastily set up on the street near the temple. Along with the flowers came a candle and three sticks of incense. (20 baht, 66 cents for those who like to know what things cost). M said we should each buy our own, as we need to make our own offering to the Buddha.
And then we walked past the first temple and Wow, how had I never seen the old one? It was incredible, not in use anymore due to the ravages of time, but a commanding, impressive structue, very high in the sky, surrounded by a series of retaining walls, atop which were life size sculptures of elephants. On each of the 4 sides was a central staircase which led up and up into the temple. It was the opposite of 'wheelchair accessible'.
The ritual for the holiday involves circling the temple three times, hands in prayer position and carrying the offering. We walked in silence, meditating on doing good, doing right, cleaning our karma. I asked M about it after the first circle, and that's what she told me. It's about karma and doing good.
As we walked, you could hear the sounds of the large temple bells, which were being rung by the kids as they walked with their parents. Around the back of the temple, a musician was singing devotional songs into a microphone, interjecting 'Kobkudn krop' (thank you) as people made offerings. On the second circle, the moon broke through the clouds, bathing everyone in its light, and between the bells, the music, the warm air, the circling people, the flowers and incense, it was beyond lovely. Just a holy beautiful scene, and I prayed along with the rest of the populace. Mmmmm
After the third circle, we took off our shoes and entered the place where we got on our knees, lit the candles and placed them on the altar. There was a nearby place for the flower and incense offerings too. Then bow three times, head to the ground, a final nod to the Buddha and then rise.
M said that there was one more part to the ceremony, so we made our way to the newer temple, removed our shoes again and entered. Many statues and likenesses of the Buddha in this shrine as we got on our knees and bowed our head to the ground three times. A monk was talking into the microphone, and M said he was speaking about being clean and doing good. On the left of the hall, a group of monks were accepting monetary donations, so we lined up, made the offering, hands in prayer position, and they offered us a white woven bracelet along with a golden Buddha medallion. Really nice token and I will cherish it as a memento of an incredible evening. M and I tied each other's bracelets on, and she is extremely pleased that we got to celebrate this together.... as am I. I'm not much of a jewelry guy, but I like looking down to my right wrist and seeing a simple woven bracelet tied there.
Feeling clean this morning, doing good...
Nothing to say and it's OK....
Good morning good morning. I'm sure my blog has become quite boring now, as the lack of mobility has perhaps engendered a lack of creativity (or at least the lack of a need to process). These days it's about a person, one who is in love with me, and I honestly don't know how to feel about that. so many conflicting emotions in that juxtaposition, and no, for once I'm not inclined to follow that word with 'and that's 'just the position' I'm hoping to be in. Although I did, but if I say I didn't want to do it, that must count for something. see what I mean about 'boring')
I tend toward needing to 'justify' my time here. Until now, the fact that I've been very productive on the creativity level has been my answer for 'what the hell am I dong in SE Asia'? I'm on a writers retreat, I could state confidently, and it's been true. I've put in more consistent hours writing and composing in this period of time that ever before, with great results (I"m hoping). But what happens when the well dries up, like yesterday when I had nothin'. Made a feeble attempt at a new song, which was a non-starter. Then what am I doing? Er uh hanging out, being a stud? (uh yes, as it turns out) But is that enough? No, selfish boy, it's not enough, if it's just about you.
So my brain is taking a turn to consider this lovely person who wants to spend her nights with me. (I tease her that it's because of the hot shower in my room and she's starting to make that joke too, but it's obviously way more than that.... for her). And for me, damn, I think it is too. You can't make all this love, spend all this time, get to really know and care about someone and watch them fall in love with you.... without asking yourself a bunch of questions. Notice that I keep saying that 'she is falling in love with me', rather than the reverse. (I'm sure you all noticed that). Well hell, I've 'fallen in love' so many times that I'm super gun shy about using those words, as there is a fairly substantial amount of shame attached to the fact that it's never quite worked out that way. Or as I goof on myself 'it's either a tremendous run of coincidences, or maybe it's me?' Ha ha, but probably not really that funny, particularly when I can affect another person and cause them pain.
Hmmm that idea keeps coming up, so it's likely the theme of this post. It's not all about me, and to think so is simply misguided. (this is one of the things I love best about writing, the idea that I don't really know what's going to happen when I sit down and try to open up a vein.... it just kinda flows out and then things emerge which I hadn't planned on. the inner camino?)
I just flashed on the Martin Buber notion of 'I and Thou' as opposed to I and it. I'm not super attuned to the concept, but my understanding is that it's about treating the other person as a highly respected being, equal in importance to yourself. And that feels very very right in this case. It goes deeper and truer than any kind of conditioning I've accumulated over the years that says, 'I'm a certain way and my relationships all have a particular arc' or that says, 'Thai women are a certain way, and they are trying to hook a Farang for economic stability'. Or that says, 'it's impossible to fall in love and then keep something together from around the world'. There is a lot of 'noise' that seems to come in these days, and a lot of it is fairly destructive to the I Thou relationship.
M is such a unique person, and she's my teacher in some way. I know this. We've been having an incredible time the past week, in spite of the crazy hours, in spite of the cultural differences, in spite of the fact that she's 5 feet and maybe a hundred pounds and we likely look comical holding hands walking down the street. All those things are part of the distraction. There is something about our connection that is holy and a total gift. And it feels healing to focus there instead of on the tried and true mind patterns that lead to expected outcomes. It's like the guy who keeps telling the same stories over and over. Does anybody really want to hear them. Does the teller? Really? Not likely.
I know that I'm thirsting for new patterns, a new way of looking and hearing and feeling, so God Bless this person who has been my partner in the walk. Feeling humbled and grateful and good...
Funny that I called this post, 'nothing to say and it's ok' If I had to re-title it, I'd go with 'I Thou'
I tend toward needing to 'justify' my time here. Until now, the fact that I've been very productive on the creativity level has been my answer for 'what the hell am I dong in SE Asia'? I'm on a writers retreat, I could state confidently, and it's been true. I've put in more consistent hours writing and composing in this period of time that ever before, with great results (I"m hoping). But what happens when the well dries up, like yesterday when I had nothin'. Made a feeble attempt at a new song, which was a non-starter. Then what am I doing? Er uh hanging out, being a stud? (uh yes, as it turns out) But is that enough? No, selfish boy, it's not enough, if it's just about you.
So my brain is taking a turn to consider this lovely person who wants to spend her nights with me. (I tease her that it's because of the hot shower in my room and she's starting to make that joke too, but it's obviously way more than that.... for her). And for me, damn, I think it is too. You can't make all this love, spend all this time, get to really know and care about someone and watch them fall in love with you.... without asking yourself a bunch of questions. Notice that I keep saying that 'she is falling in love with me', rather than the reverse. (I'm sure you all noticed that). Well hell, I've 'fallen in love' so many times that I'm super gun shy about using those words, as there is a fairly substantial amount of shame attached to the fact that it's never quite worked out that way. Or as I goof on myself 'it's either a tremendous run of coincidences, or maybe it's me?' Ha ha, but probably not really that funny, particularly when I can affect another person and cause them pain.
Hmmm that idea keeps coming up, so it's likely the theme of this post. It's not all about me, and to think so is simply misguided. (this is one of the things I love best about writing, the idea that I don't really know what's going to happen when I sit down and try to open up a vein.... it just kinda flows out and then things emerge which I hadn't planned on. the inner camino?)
I just flashed on the Martin Buber notion of 'I and Thou' as opposed to I and it. I'm not super attuned to the concept, but my understanding is that it's about treating the other person as a highly respected being, equal in importance to yourself. And that feels very very right in this case. It goes deeper and truer than any kind of conditioning I've accumulated over the years that says, 'I'm a certain way and my relationships all have a particular arc' or that says, 'Thai women are a certain way, and they are trying to hook a Farang for economic stability'. Or that says, 'it's impossible to fall in love and then keep something together from around the world'. There is a lot of 'noise' that seems to come in these days, and a lot of it is fairly destructive to the I Thou relationship.
M is such a unique person, and she's my teacher in some way. I know this. We've been having an incredible time the past week, in spite of the crazy hours, in spite of the cultural differences, in spite of the fact that she's 5 feet and maybe a hundred pounds and we likely look comical holding hands walking down the street. All those things are part of the distraction. There is something about our connection that is holy and a total gift. And it feels healing to focus there instead of on the tried and true mind patterns that lead to expected outcomes. It's like the guy who keeps telling the same stories over and over. Does anybody really want to hear them. Does the teller? Really? Not likely.
I know that I'm thirsting for new patterns, a new way of looking and hearing and feeling, so God Bless this person who has been my partner in the walk. Feeling humbled and grateful and good...
Funny that I called this post, 'nothing to say and it's ok' If I had to re-title it, I'd go with 'I Thou'
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