I went to a gathering last night, a peripheral friend was having a retirement party, and even though I wasn't invited, I figured it was fine to show up, and indeed it was. Karen just completed a thirty year career as a high school art teacher in Springfield, and unlike many folks I know who teach art to the masses, she found a way to keep centered and energized and fulfilled. Talk about success! Now she gets to retire (whatever that means), and she's one of the winners who is still healthy and vibrant, and now gets paid to not have to work. Mazel Tov.
The party consisted mostly of white 50 and 60 somethings, some of her teacher friends, some of her artist friends, some of her river friends, as she and her husband David are avid outdoors people. It was a white group with one exception, and for some reason, I was very struck by the whiteness of it all, and not in a good way. Good people, good food, good music (for the most part) and very white.
I had an excellent talk with two folks I had never met before, as we lingered below while the rest of the party went up to the barn for some live music. I can't seem to find their cards this morning but I remember their names, Sandy Harder, she's a graphic designer and her husband David (I think it was) Laub. I definitely remember his last name, as it is contained inside my name Glauber. I asked him what it means, and he said 'Forest'. Which was kind of cool, as we were in a forested setting outside of Eugene, with the sun setting and evergreens all around. It was beautiful.
The three of us had an excellent conversation, full of laughter and insight. At one point, when I found out that Sandy was from Bethlehem, PA, I mentioned that 'do you know that Bethlehem comes from the Hebrew 'beit lechem' house of bread? They didn't know that, and David mentioned 'see, you learn something every day'. He told me that they've turned the big steel mill into an enormous casino, and if that is not a great metaphor for the state of the US economy, I don't know what is. It's a potent image.
But the reason I'm writing about the conversation is because at a certain point, I felt extremely comfortable with them, enough to change the subject completely and throw in a curve ball. I started by saying something like 'This is totally off topic, and you may think I'm weird', which made Sandy perk her ears up and say something about 'uh oh, that's quite an introduction'. She said it with a smile and it was all good vibes, but I guess that's the 'meta conversation' that is so appealing to me. Talking about talking or something like that. Anyhow I wanted their feedback on my existential dilemma of the moment... not because I wanted to be the center of attention, but because I had a sense that they were both quite wise and I wanted to hear what they had to say. And my intuition was correct.
The dilemma goes something like this: If the whole thing is crumbling and there is no future in this society, how do you plan and act and plant as if there is a future? I'm not saying that my premise is correct, but damn, it sure seems like things are heading in a Niagara Falls kind of direction. I think I understand my own decision making process, which has been to not engage fully in a future-less system. But I was curious as to how these folks, who seem bright, artistic, smart and positive deal with the same Oregon society in which we find ourselves.
David started talking, and talked about the idea of 'faith'. This is the time when you need to have some belief that the earth will be here, people will be here. He contrasted that with the prophets of doom, who although they take about 'ye of little faith' maybe it's them that are actually the faithless ones. This is a paraphrase, and I added something to it as well, but his offering was in the realm of faith and belief. And that was a very beautiful thing for this reason. Here we were, sitting in a gorgeous, forested setting, the moon rising, the light fading while Mr Forest (Laub) is speaking from the heart about 'faith' to Mr Believer (Glauber). Is there a word for the perfection of that moment? Nothing comes to mind. Or how bout this? I am he as you are he... Our names are so similar, his fits inside of mine, and we had a moment of revelation there in the woods. Perfection.
And then Sandy wanted to chime in, and I made a joke and said, 'No it's OK, I just wanted to hear from David' as if I were some kind of male chauvinist pig, and we all laughed about it. But what she shared was equally pertinent and helpful, especially when she put it in terms that rang a bell with me. She said, 'I feel like a more successful person when I'm working on some kind of a plan. Even if it's for just a three week project, or a six month time period' Something about her use of the word 'success' really hit me, in that it was a different definition of that word, and it was one that I could embrace, rather than run away from. In the past, 'success' was such a fearful concept; in my mind it was an all or nothing lifetime test. You're either a 'success' or a 'failure', and it had a lot to do with money and striving, and chances are that I wasn't going to like the results. But here was a more parsed out definition of that bogey man, one in which you could experience 'success' a day at a time or a week at a time. Maybe I don't have to throw out the baby with the bath water and reject the whole notion of 'success'. So yeah, I'm going to think about a small project that I want to accomplish and then enjoy the fruits that can come along with it. One little step at a time. Thanks you, new friends. Thank you forest and moon.
