Voted upon by our prestigious committee (me), here are the winners of this year's competition: Drum Roll.........
13) I have a little dreidle, I made it out of snow
I baked it in the oven, where'd my dreidle go?
12) I have a little dreidle, made in cyberspace (Rob Tobias)
I mailed it to my brother, now it's everyplace
11) I have a little dreidle, I made it out of pasta
It got all tangled in my hair, so now they call me 'rasta'
10) I have a little dreidle, I made it out of spite
Too many Jewish rituals, I've had enough, alright?!
9) I have a little dreidle, I made it from a latke
I left it out for seven months and it turned into vodka
8) I have a little dreidle, I think it's made from lead
I got it cheap at Walmart, too bad my cat is dead
7) I have a little dreidle, I made it out of smoke
Grandma tried a little spin, Grandpa tried a toke
6) I have a little dreidle, I made it from sorbet
The texture's simply FABULOUS (this verse is slightly gay)
5) I have a little dreidle, I made it for my shiksa (Juliet Kandel Kristianson
She heard it was for spinning, so she put it in the mixer
4) I have a little dreidle, I made it from a bone
My sister played for hours, did I just hear her moan?
3) I have a little dreidle, I made it from a cross
The clergy were confounded (so it's not a total loss)
2) I have a little dreidle, I made it out of blow
The game was quite euphoric, where'd all my money go?
1) I have a little dreidle, I made it out of gin
The dreidle wouldn't turn at all, but the room began to spin
Honorable mention
I have a little dreidle, I made it from a nest
My dad was disappointed, the blue jay was depressed
I have a little dreidle, it's made from a harpoon
The Japanese enjoy it, but the whales have left the room
I have a little dreidle, I thought I was in luck
Until I lost like 5 straight times and I said, 'What the... heck is going on here?'
My dinner with Lana
The first thing I noticed when I climbed into her car was that it smelled really nice in there. Lana was wearing some kind of pleasant perfume which permeated the air. The car was spotless, there was an easy listening station on the radio, and there was a sense of calm that was inviting. She was wearing a short-sleeved black dress, a touch of lipstick and other make up, long, straight black hair over her shoulders, she waited while I buckled in, and off we went on our dinner date. The time was 6pm on the dot, and we both expressed an appreciation for one another's punctuality.
It was Lana's call as far as where to go for dinner. She's the local, I'm the out-of-towner. She asked what I was in the mood for, and I replied that I was hoping we could find a place that was kind of quiet where we could have a conversation without a lot of distractions. She drove northward on Moon Muang, the main drag which hugs the canal and was thinking about where to go while driving. After a mile or so, we doubled back on a different street, almost to where we began, and then she got the idea that she was waiting for and we headed toward the river to a place that she knew.
It was perfect, an outdoor restaurant, tables nestled in the foliage, lots of space and privacy. As we were approaching the restaurant, we passed a few western tourists and I had the thought that, 'Wow, do they think I'm a guy who dates 'lady boys'? I had just a flicker of wanting to say, 'Hey folks, I'm straight', but I just ignored it and continued down the street with my date, a 40 year old, 6 foot tall, beautiful lady boy named Lana. We entered the restaurant and were trying to decide which table to choose. I said, 'your call.... you're the lady...boy'. She looked at me with a slight reproach and corrected me.... 'the lady', she said.
The date was my idea. I had met Lana last year at my local hangout in Chiang Mai. She is the partner of one of the regulars at the place, a 60 something, ex Navy guy named Steven, and when I met her, I had the immediate sense that I'd like to get to know her, and get to learn from her. She has a quality the is very appealing; she looks you in the eye, her English skills are excellent, and I just had the sense that she would be a great resource for finding out about the Lady Boy phenomenon in Thailand. Sure I could read about it, but it's so much more interesting to talk to people and learn that way. The desire to communicate with her was instantaneous. Alas, I was at the end of my trip when we met, but the impression stayed with me.
When I returned this year and saw Lana again, I had that same sense of wanting to get to know her, as if she were my teacher and I her student. I don't usually have this reaction, but there it was again, so I acted upon it. We spoke briefly at the restaurant and I asked if she'd be open to having a conversation with me in which I could ask her some questions, and she was very gracious in her acceptance of the idea. I didn't get her contact information at that time, but a few days later, I mentioned the idea to Steven and he was also supportive. He got her on the phone, we traded numbers and she asked me to call her the following day to set something up. We spoke the following afternoon, as per her instructions, and set up a dinner meeting for that same night (yesterday). Steven thought I should record the 'interview', but that didn't feel right, I preferred to pay close attention and then record my thoughts the following day.
The waitress took our order and I noticed there was absolutely nothing uncomfortable about the situation. No judgment or negativity of any kind, Lady Boys are accepted here, with very few exceptions. I had asked Lana about this on the way over, and she said there was one place she knew about that didn't allow lady boys, but that was due to some kind of brouhaha that had happened in the past. Here, they are an accepted part of the society and there was nothing at all unusual in our being out and about in Chiang Mai. It was perfectly comfortable, probably all the more so because Lana is a great conversationalist, totally open, straightforward in her answers, no shame about any of the subject matter, just engaging in an easy and effortless conversation. What a gift!
I asked about her childhood, how many in her family, where she fit in the family dynamic? She was the second of 4 brothers and grew up in Bangkok. Her parents split up when she was about 5 years old, and she never saw her father again. (This is fairly typical in Thailand; I hear many stories about men simply leaving their wives and children and going to live with another woman). Her father offered no financial support, simply disappeared. I asked if Lana was ever interested in trying to find him, and the answer was 'no'. She never felt that there was any connection, he was a stranger, no reason to search him out.
At about that time, the age of 5 or 6, young Kong (her given name) realized that he wanted to be a girl. He wasn't interested in the boy things, the sports the roughhousing, Kong preferred the company of the girls. He was unable to grow his hair as he would have liked to, and he still had to use the uniform of the boys during school, but he knew that he was really a she. At 7 he had his first sexual experience with a neighbor. This neighbor had some kind of flip through picture books, the kind that you can see the little stories unfold when you flip the pages quickly. He asked if she would like to see the books. In return, he asked her a little favor or two. Lana can't remember the specifics of the sexual contact, whether it was touching, stroking, licking etc, but she does remember the contact and the experience. I asked if she feels that she was abused at the time. She said, 'no, it's what I wanted'. I said that in most countries, that is called 'sexual abuse' and people go to jail for it. She had no rancor whatsoever about the experience, 'it's what i wanted'.
A year or two later, when she was 8 or 9, there was more contact of this sort. The neighborhood kids used to play 'hide and seek' and her 15 year old cousin always liked to 'hide' with Kong. And during the hiding, there was frequent sexual contact, and once again, she was fine with it, both then and now. She had no sense of being victimized or abused, and as much as it's difficult for a westerner to accept that this is OK, I have to take her at her word. It's a different culture here, and one ought not project one's own cultural mores upon a different society, no matter how strong they may be.
I asked if she faced discrimination or 'bullying' at school. 'What's bullying?', she asked. I described what often happens to gay kids in the US and other places, and she had heard about it, but didn't really comprehend the magnitude of the problem abroad. In her case, she had no problems, but she feels like that was due to her low-key approach. She wasn't flamboyant and way out there, preferring instead to keep quiet, stay reserved (not hidden, just reserved). She said that some of the other lady boys to be had a few problems and that was likely due to their overdoing the feminine aspect, showing off or being too out there with their sexuality. I asked her 'out of a hundred boys in the school, how many would be lady boys, and she said, 3 or 4.
Did she have trouble within her own family?, I asked. She said that her mom tried to protect her, didn't want her to have problems at school, so would encourage her to tone down the make up, not call too much attention to herself. According to Lana, mother accepted the fact that her number two 'son' was a lady boy, but often tried to make it easier for her by asking her to not grow her hair long, for instance. This came to a head when Lana was 18. Mother had married an Australian man, and now that Lana had completed her studies, mother offered her a university education in Australia.... if she would cut her hair. Lana thought about it for a day and a night. She wanted the education, but the hair and the identity won out. This is who she is. She is a lady boy, and there is no incentive that would make her be other than what she is. She chose the hair. (Hair was a frequent subject in the conversation. At one point I asked her what was the difference between 'gay' and 'lady boy'? They're both sexually attracted to men. She replied that gays 'dress like men and wear their hair short'.)
In her early twenties, she worked in her family's restaurant and trained as an accountant. She then worked one accounting job and then landed a very prestigious accounting job with Electrolux, where she was the only lady boy in Thailand working for the company at her level. She made good money, she had a boyfriend, they had a ton of great sex, she was successful and happy. At thirty, she met Steven in Chiang Mai and they've been together ever since, sharing a house and a life, but it's anything but a typical relationship.... at least by western standards.
WARNING If sexual content makes you uncomfortable, stop here, thanks for reading, have a nice day.
Two or three times a week, Lana will go to the Marina Bar, a lady boy hangout where she is friends with the owner. Lana helps out, serves drinks, talks with customers, and if the situation is right, goes back to their hotel rooms for sexual liaisons She won't go with just anybody... those types of lady boys are walking the street (and hanging out in front of my little road that goes to the hotel every night). Those girls are younger and cheaper. Lana and the ladies at the bar are more upscale and more expensive to 'date'. Lana will always talk to a potential customer before deciding to leave with him. If she likes him, she'll charge as little as 1000 baht ($35) for a date. If she's not totally into it, but still willing, the price might be double that. Sometimes she'll go for free. She doesn't always go home with a customer. If it's not the right night,she won't force the issue. She doesn't need the money; Steven's pension is adequate for a comfortable lifestyle. She does it for the sex.
At one point in her life, she took female hormones to give her the breasts that she now has. She hasn't had the surgery to remove her male sexual organs so that's part of the package (bad pun, I know, but accurate). When one takes female hormones, it renders your male organs less (what's the word?) potent, so now she doesn't take the hormones and her penis is a likely part of the action. Lana reported that there was one time when she went back to the room with a guy who didn't quite know what he was bargaining for and when he reached under her dress...What the...?!! She said, 'you didn't know?'. But that was only once.
Now when she takes a client home, (I used that expression, 'takes him home' and she corrected me, saying we don't go home, we go back to his hotel), there are myriad ways in which the pleasure is experienced. She spoke without any sense of shame or uncomfortableness, and her matter-of-fact way of talking about her life made it easy to speak about what would normally for me be squeamish topics. I started thinking of it in mathematical terms almost. If a client wants to be sucked, OK, can do, if he wants to fuck, OK can do, if he wants to suck or be fucked, same same, can do can do. You start putting those pieces together and it sounds like there could be some wild times. She always uses protection (as does Steven, who also has an active sexual life), and she loves the interactions, the pleasure, the life that she leads. And when she talks about her male sexual organ and the fact that 'yeah, I love it!' there was a glint in her eye that was reminiscent of the way 'guys' are. That quality struck me as a really 'male' approach.
Lana was interviewed and featured in a book called 'The Third Sex' (I'm not sure of the title exactly... she said she'd lend me a copy and I'll report the title when I get it), and I believe that description is a helpful one in trying to gain an understanding of who the Lady Boys are. She's not a 'guy', she's not a 'gay', she's not a 'woman', she's part of a different category, and 'third sex' seems an apt descriptor. I know there are studies and papers written and research being done, God bless all of that, it doesn't interest me nearly as much as a one on one conversation with an elegant, eloquent, kind and centered person (who apparently enjoyed the 'interview' as much as I did). I thanked her profusely for her openness and her graciousness in accepting my invitation, and she complimented me for being a good listener and for being funny. Yes, I was being myself, going for the humor occasionally and she appreciated it, saying that sometimes she gets interviewed and it's boring. 'I get a question, answer, another question, answer, and I'm thinking when will this be over?' Our dinner conversation was effortless, interesting and very friendly. I believe that we'll do it again, perhaps in a couple of weeks after she has her mother and one of her brothers in town for a little family reunion. She suggested that a logical next step would be to talk about the other lady boys that she knows, the culture in the bar where she works, what they talk about, how they are with one another etc. It sounds great, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity.. She feels like a friend, more than an 'interview subject'.
I came away with the sense that people are people. In any group there are nice ones, nasty ones, focused ones, hyper ones etc. Lana has a serenity about her that is very attractive and inviting. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that she's a lady boy. It's just 'her', the individual. And that seems like a good thing to remember. Rather than think in narrow terms like 'this is what lady boys are like', I feel the desire to maintain some kind of separation between the sociological aspects and the individual personality. You can't ask a black person, 'so what do the African Americans think about such and such a subject. I felt a similar reaction during this interview. I learned a lot about this person, and something about the group. It's good to remember the difference.
After dinner, she drove me back to where we had met two hours previously. We had little hug, just like I'd do with a woman or man friend back home, and our visit was over. It was a phenomenal experience, I felt like I went to university for a night. To be continued, hopefully....
It was Lana's call as far as where to go for dinner. She's the local, I'm the out-of-towner. She asked what I was in the mood for, and I replied that I was hoping we could find a place that was kind of quiet where we could have a conversation without a lot of distractions. She drove northward on Moon Muang, the main drag which hugs the canal and was thinking about where to go while driving. After a mile or so, we doubled back on a different street, almost to where we began, and then she got the idea that she was waiting for and we headed toward the river to a place that she knew.
It was perfect, an outdoor restaurant, tables nestled in the foliage, lots of space and privacy. As we were approaching the restaurant, we passed a few western tourists and I had the thought that, 'Wow, do they think I'm a guy who dates 'lady boys'? I had just a flicker of wanting to say, 'Hey folks, I'm straight', but I just ignored it and continued down the street with my date, a 40 year old, 6 foot tall, beautiful lady boy named Lana. We entered the restaurant and were trying to decide which table to choose. I said, 'your call.... you're the lady...boy'. She looked at me with a slight reproach and corrected me.... 'the lady', she said.
The date was my idea. I had met Lana last year at my local hangout in Chiang Mai. She is the partner of one of the regulars at the place, a 60 something, ex Navy guy named Steven, and when I met her, I had the immediate sense that I'd like to get to know her, and get to learn from her. She has a quality the is very appealing; she looks you in the eye, her English skills are excellent, and I just had the sense that she would be a great resource for finding out about the Lady Boy phenomenon in Thailand. Sure I could read about it, but it's so much more interesting to talk to people and learn that way. The desire to communicate with her was instantaneous. Alas, I was at the end of my trip when we met, but the impression stayed with me.
When I returned this year and saw Lana again, I had that same sense of wanting to get to know her, as if she were my teacher and I her student. I don't usually have this reaction, but there it was again, so I acted upon it. We spoke briefly at the restaurant and I asked if she'd be open to having a conversation with me in which I could ask her some questions, and she was very gracious in her acceptance of the idea. I didn't get her contact information at that time, but a few days later, I mentioned the idea to Steven and he was also supportive. He got her on the phone, we traded numbers and she asked me to call her the following day to set something up. We spoke the following afternoon, as per her instructions, and set up a dinner meeting for that same night (yesterday). Steven thought I should record the 'interview', but that didn't feel right, I preferred to pay close attention and then record my thoughts the following day.
The waitress took our order and I noticed there was absolutely nothing uncomfortable about the situation. No judgment or negativity of any kind, Lady Boys are accepted here, with very few exceptions. I had asked Lana about this on the way over, and she said there was one place she knew about that didn't allow lady boys, but that was due to some kind of brouhaha that had happened in the past. Here, they are an accepted part of the society and there was nothing at all unusual in our being out and about in Chiang Mai. It was perfectly comfortable, probably all the more so because Lana is a great conversationalist, totally open, straightforward in her answers, no shame about any of the subject matter, just engaging in an easy and effortless conversation. What a gift!
I asked about her childhood, how many in her family, where she fit in the family dynamic? She was the second of 4 brothers and grew up in Bangkok. Her parents split up when she was about 5 years old, and she never saw her father again. (This is fairly typical in Thailand; I hear many stories about men simply leaving their wives and children and going to live with another woman). Her father offered no financial support, simply disappeared. I asked if Lana was ever interested in trying to find him, and the answer was 'no'. She never felt that there was any connection, he was a stranger, no reason to search him out.
At about that time, the age of 5 or 6, young Kong (her given name) realized that he wanted to be a girl. He wasn't interested in the boy things, the sports the roughhousing, Kong preferred the company of the girls. He was unable to grow his hair as he would have liked to, and he still had to use the uniform of the boys during school, but he knew that he was really a she. At 7 he had his first sexual experience with a neighbor. This neighbor had some kind of flip through picture books, the kind that you can see the little stories unfold when you flip the pages quickly. He asked if she would like to see the books. In return, he asked her a little favor or two. Lana can't remember the specifics of the sexual contact, whether it was touching, stroking, licking etc, but she does remember the contact and the experience. I asked if she feels that she was abused at the time. She said, 'no, it's what I wanted'. I said that in most countries, that is called 'sexual abuse' and people go to jail for it. She had no rancor whatsoever about the experience, 'it's what i wanted'.
A year or two later, when she was 8 or 9, there was more contact of this sort. The neighborhood kids used to play 'hide and seek' and her 15 year old cousin always liked to 'hide' with Kong. And during the hiding, there was frequent sexual contact, and once again, she was fine with it, both then and now. She had no sense of being victimized or abused, and as much as it's difficult for a westerner to accept that this is OK, I have to take her at her word. It's a different culture here, and one ought not project one's own cultural mores upon a different society, no matter how strong they may be.
I asked if she faced discrimination or 'bullying' at school. 'What's bullying?', she asked. I described what often happens to gay kids in the US and other places, and she had heard about it, but didn't really comprehend the magnitude of the problem abroad. In her case, she had no problems, but she feels like that was due to her low-key approach. She wasn't flamboyant and way out there, preferring instead to keep quiet, stay reserved (not hidden, just reserved). She said that some of the other lady boys to be had a few problems and that was likely due to their overdoing the feminine aspect, showing off or being too out there with their sexuality. I asked her 'out of a hundred boys in the school, how many would be lady boys, and she said, 3 or 4.
Did she have trouble within her own family?, I asked. She said that her mom tried to protect her, didn't want her to have problems at school, so would encourage her to tone down the make up, not call too much attention to herself. According to Lana, mother accepted the fact that her number two 'son' was a lady boy, but often tried to make it easier for her by asking her to not grow her hair long, for instance. This came to a head when Lana was 18. Mother had married an Australian man, and now that Lana had completed her studies, mother offered her a university education in Australia.... if she would cut her hair. Lana thought about it for a day and a night. She wanted the education, but the hair and the identity won out. This is who she is. She is a lady boy, and there is no incentive that would make her be other than what she is. She chose the hair. (Hair was a frequent subject in the conversation. At one point I asked her what was the difference between 'gay' and 'lady boy'? They're both sexually attracted to men. She replied that gays 'dress like men and wear their hair short'.)
In her early twenties, she worked in her family's restaurant and trained as an accountant. She then worked one accounting job and then landed a very prestigious accounting job with Electrolux, where she was the only lady boy in Thailand working for the company at her level. She made good money, she had a boyfriend, they had a ton of great sex, she was successful and happy. At thirty, she met Steven in Chiang Mai and they've been together ever since, sharing a house and a life, but it's anything but a typical relationship.... at least by western standards.
WARNING If sexual content makes you uncomfortable, stop here, thanks for reading, have a nice day.
Two or three times a week, Lana will go to the Marina Bar, a lady boy hangout where she is friends with the owner. Lana helps out, serves drinks, talks with customers, and if the situation is right, goes back to their hotel rooms for sexual liaisons She won't go with just anybody... those types of lady boys are walking the street (and hanging out in front of my little road that goes to the hotel every night). Those girls are younger and cheaper. Lana and the ladies at the bar are more upscale and more expensive to 'date'. Lana will always talk to a potential customer before deciding to leave with him. If she likes him, she'll charge as little as 1000 baht ($35) for a date. If she's not totally into it, but still willing, the price might be double that. Sometimes she'll go for free. She doesn't always go home with a customer. If it's not the right night,she won't force the issue. She doesn't need the money; Steven's pension is adequate for a comfortable lifestyle. She does it for the sex.
At one point in her life, she took female hormones to give her the breasts that she now has. She hasn't had the surgery to remove her male sexual organs so that's part of the package (bad pun, I know, but accurate). When one takes female hormones, it renders your male organs less (what's the word?) potent, so now she doesn't take the hormones and her penis is a likely part of the action. Lana reported that there was one time when she went back to the room with a guy who didn't quite know what he was bargaining for and when he reached under her dress...What the...?!! She said, 'you didn't know?'. But that was only once.
Now when she takes a client home, (I used that expression, 'takes him home' and she corrected me, saying we don't go home, we go back to his hotel), there are myriad ways in which the pleasure is experienced. She spoke without any sense of shame or uncomfortableness, and her matter-of-fact way of talking about her life made it easy to speak about what would normally for me be squeamish topics. I started thinking of it in mathematical terms almost. If a client wants to be sucked, OK, can do, if he wants to fuck, OK can do, if he wants to suck or be fucked, same same, can do can do. You start putting those pieces together and it sounds like there could be some wild times. She always uses protection (as does Steven, who also has an active sexual life), and she loves the interactions, the pleasure, the life that she leads. And when she talks about her male sexual organ and the fact that 'yeah, I love it!' there was a glint in her eye that was reminiscent of the way 'guys' are. That quality struck me as a really 'male' approach.
Lana was interviewed and featured in a book called 'The Third Sex' (I'm not sure of the title exactly... she said she'd lend me a copy and I'll report the title when I get it), and I believe that description is a helpful one in trying to gain an understanding of who the Lady Boys are. She's not a 'guy', she's not a 'gay', she's not a 'woman', she's part of a different category, and 'third sex' seems an apt descriptor. I know there are studies and papers written and research being done, God bless all of that, it doesn't interest me nearly as much as a one on one conversation with an elegant, eloquent, kind and centered person (who apparently enjoyed the 'interview' as much as I did). I thanked her profusely for her openness and her graciousness in accepting my invitation, and she complimented me for being a good listener and for being funny. Yes, I was being myself, going for the humor occasionally and she appreciated it, saying that sometimes she gets interviewed and it's boring. 'I get a question, answer, another question, answer, and I'm thinking when will this be over?' Our dinner conversation was effortless, interesting and very friendly. I believe that we'll do it again, perhaps in a couple of weeks after she has her mother and one of her brothers in town for a little family reunion. She suggested that a logical next step would be to talk about the other lady boys that she knows, the culture in the bar where she works, what they talk about, how they are with one another etc. It sounds great, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity.. She feels like a friend, more than an 'interview subject'.
I came away with the sense that people are people. In any group there are nice ones, nasty ones, focused ones, hyper ones etc. Lana has a serenity about her that is very attractive and inviting. I don't think it has anything to do with the fact that she's a lady boy. It's just 'her', the individual. And that seems like a good thing to remember. Rather than think in narrow terms like 'this is what lady boys are like', I feel the desire to maintain some kind of separation between the sociological aspects and the individual personality. You can't ask a black person, 'so what do the African Americans think about such and such a subject. I felt a similar reaction during this interview. I learned a lot about this person, and something about the group. It's good to remember the difference.
After dinner, she drove me back to where we had met two hours previously. We had little hug, just like I'd do with a woman or man friend back home, and our visit was over. It was a phenomenal experience, I felt like I went to university for a night. To be continued, hopefully....
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