It's interesting how simple words or phrases can trigger ideas; maybe this is more pronounced with me, a person who tends to process in words and letters, rather than say pictures or feelings. But just writing the title 'moving on' immediately flipped my brain into that old Stevie Wonder song, 'A Place in the Sun'. And along with the flipped switch, there came a little spark of 'there's something there', when my brain went in that direction. And I guess that's what the writing is turning into for me, a way to bring past and present together, almost like a Kurt Vonnegut theme from Slaughterhouse Five, or was it Cat's Cradle, in which the past, present and future were indistinguishable from one another. It was, it is, and it will be.
All that (and more) from simply writing the words 'moving on'. When I was just starting to play guitar at age 20 and 21, one of the first songs that I learned and sang over and over and over again was 'A Place in the Sun'
Like a long lonely stream, I keep running toward my dream
Moving on moving on moving on
Like a branch on a tree, I keep reaching to be free
Moving on moving on moving on
There's a place in the sun where there's hope for everyone
Where my poor, restless heart wants to run
There's a place in the sun and before my time is done
Gonna find me a place in the sun
Like this tired, troubled earth, I've been rolling since my birth
Moving on moving on moving on
Like an old dust road, I get weary from the load
Moving on moving on moving on
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There are people to this day, who will say to me, 'What's that song you used to sing back then'? as it became identified very closely with me, likely cause I sang it so many times. And the reason I sang it at 21 was because I loved it when I was 13 years old in 1966 when it made it to number 9 on the pop charts.(thank you Google) The song and the sentiment resonated in me at that time, and I suppose it was a natural outcome for me to revisit it when I could sing and play it years later, and now many years later, I write a two word phrase, not even thinking about it, and there I am, traveling through time.
The notion of 'moving on' probably sums up my life as well as any two words could. That seems to be my strategy of relationship; stick around while it's good and exciting, then it's time for moving on. I'm pretty experienced at 'good bye', much less so at 'let's work this out'.
The current incarnation of 'moving on' is an attempt to get out of the feeling sad and lonely about having said goodbye to M, and finding myself waking up each morning and immediately adding 14 hours to the time so as to calculate what M is doing and where she's at. Let's see, it's 7am here, it's 9pm there and she's at the CU Corner as the regulars are starting to show up. It's definitely been a difficult transition back to Eugene for me, and one of its incarnations has been the realization that damn, I'm just not attracted to the women here. It's fucked up. I look around, even in dance class, and it's no no no no no maybe no. Granted there are pockets of beauty and attractiveness everywhere, but on the whole, this place is depressing on a physical level. And I don't want to have to look at 30 year old women to feel attracted. It makes me wonder about moving out of this area.
Rich, you're very shallow, why can't you be like everyone else and accept the fact that you're getting old, and if you don't want to be a lonely old man, you'd better find someone and make it work out. (let somebody love you before it's too late). And furthermore, why do you often find a way to move on from your friendships, let them slide, fail to correspond, put them in the rear view?
Because there's a place in the sun where there's hope for everyone? And it's a place like heaven where the women are Asian, the food is delicious, the sun is shining, the kids are happy and the music is flowing. As opposed to this rainy, gray, put-upon place where people just seem glum and frustrated. I see them at the post office when I waltz in to pick up my mail, a depressing crew of automatons waiting on line with not a smile on a face, as if life is to be suffered through, and then you die.
I'm going where the sun keeps shining through the pouring rain
Going where the weather suits my clothes
Banking off of the northeast wind, sailing on a summer breeze
Skipping over the ocean like a stone
(Yeah, I liked that song too, and sang it a bunch)
Well I got to split and go to the Sunday morning dance jam, but perhaps first a stop at the Jiffy Market to knock out the Sunday crossword puzzle. Yeah this writing thing is worthwhile and all, but the NY Times mental calisthenics await. And I do want to dance and feel my body move. But I shall return to this theme of moving on, as I found myself tied up a bit around the theme, which means there is something to uncover if I've got the nerve...
