I'm staring at myself in the desk mirror of my $12 guesthouse room on Moonmuang Soi 2. Temples are pretty grey by now, hair is dark and thinning on top, body is becoming more tan and hopefully less paunchy. It's the same body I've been carrying around Eugene this year, but over here I'm much more stressed out about it. It probably doesn't help that the folks who know me are making comments about how I've gained weight, in a good natured way, but nope I don't like my body at the moment. And why is that, Richard? Because I won't be attractive to any lovelies I might encounter? Won't be able to seduce them with my good looks and charm? Am I still acting primarily out of that mindset? Apparently so. Just a bit shallow perhaps, maybe a bit ridiculous for a 62 year old guy whose orientation to the boy-girl world is that of someone thirty years younger. But that's the case and I'll probably never shake it. In fact, what I want to do is just drop the weight and preen about like the cock of the walk.
But maybe it's not simply a matter of attracting the honey. Maybe it's just that it feels so good to not be carrying around excess baggage in the form of 15 pounds of unwanted belly fat. So much nicer to look in the mirror and see a trim, tanned hombre, which is likely to be the case within a month or so. Working on getting that 'Asia body' to be staring back at me in the mirror. So I've been walking a lot, eating light and hoping that the pounds start melting away like they always seem to do over here. And I wonder if it would be possible to keep that form when returning to the states, land of TV, cars, refrigerators and bread. I haven't managed it yet, and it would be a wonderful thing to get hold of this time around. I know I can do it, though past evidence wouldn't suggest it.
OK, any other purely self-absorbed thoughts I should discuss? Sure why not. It's that idea of getting the instant gratification from 'likes' on Facebook which can turn a guy into a distracted, hummingbird of flit flit nothingness. What a world we have created with everyone snapping pictures of themselves, posting them online and awaiting the validation. I see the tourists in their (our) endless search for content, thought it's usually skin thin and basically worthless, even when the folks back home think you're such an adventurer. It seems like a conspiracy to get us to not think anymore, not delve anymore, not go deep anymore. And all the while our likes and clicks are being catalogued into the great Facebook in the sky which sends us more of what we seem to desire. My friend 'Mad Mike' is the first one I've seen to call it 'Face-ism' and yeah, I think he's on to something, because the new world order fascist model has a great foothold with us as willing contributors to our own imprisonment. Yup, I can feel myself slipping into that mind controlled system day by click click day. So hopefully this recommitment to writing will serve as an antidote to the steady slide of mediocrity and powerlessness. And yes, I'll post it on Facebook, because I like absurdity as well as the next guy, maybe more.
And now that I've been writing for some minutes, I can feel the cobwebs starting to clear, the synapses beginning to reconnect, it's not that hard, I just have to sit down and start, then watch the story unfold. Ditto with yoga, ditto with music, sit down and let it roll. But of course now that I've shared a paragraph on Facebook, there is a part of me that wants to see who appreciates it. I had to shut it down to resist the temptation, but it's not working so well... my mind wants that endorphin or whatever the hell it is that we receive when we get a 'like' or a comment. Ah yes, the modern age. Better grab a guitar now and see what i can come up with...
