It's kinda starting to feel that way, 'I play therefore I am'. It feels like making music is my truest self, and why wouldn't it be? It encompasses pretty much everything I've learned in my sixty spins around the sun. There's the craft of it... how many thousands of hours strumming a guitar, playing piano, accordion, trumpet, cowbell whatever which have trained my muscles to do what needs doing. There's the breathing and the singing and the heart opening and the intention to raise the spirit... mine and my listeners. There's all those songs, all that poetry, mine and not mine that have been the poetry track of my life. There's the lessons I took from others, the lessons I taught to others, The ideas, good and bad that have shaped the repertoire, the thinking about it, the puzzling out how to make the words fit together in an appealing way, to have them mean something.
There is something in that quest that brings the divine energy into my life. Those are the exciting times, when I'm working on something and I get a tingle up my spine as if the universe is saying...'Yes, you're on the right track, keep going'. It's happened enough times that I trust it and know it to be true. It is a spirit path, and it's the one I travel. What else would I do?
And the beauty of it is that every little gig I play, every library show, senior gig, school assembly, restaurant appearance is an opportunity to use it all, share the love, make a joyful noise. It's never been about the money, though of course it's great (and necessary) to get paid. It's about 'here we are, let's love'. So these gigs I've been doing here, sitting at the mic, doing my absolute best, walking the path... it's the path of love. And people paying me to do it? Buying me drinks and food? Saying nice things? There is some kind of holiness in it all, and yes, I'm truly blessed.
Yesterday at 2pm I was having coffee with the old timers when my phone rang and Noi (from the restaurant) asked if I could play that night. There were a bunch of reservations and even though no music was scheduled, she thought it would be good if I could do my two hours. 'Yes Definitely, Thank You', so suddenly another chance to dial it up and let it flow, another 1000 baht (including the tips), another chance to connect with music and with the public, another delicious dinner and a drink and that cheesecake, oh Lord! Why am I being treated so well? It's kind of blowing me away.
So I did my set and it was another pleasure, then I strolled over to CU Corner and Thaew (owner) wants to buy me a drink because she appreciates what I've been providing there, but instead Noel buys me a drink and I listen for awhile, then accompany the Australian gent Billy as he plays a set. I sing some harmony, do my best, take a few solos, get in his groove, try to support as well as I can. All the good things... the stuff I believe in happens in the musical exchange... trying your best, following someone else, spreading the love, going for the specialness... I play therefore I am indeed.
And I've been getting a little flak from a 'friend' of mine who thinks I'm all about ego. He was telling me that someone else read my posts and commented, 'there are three on earth that are visible from space... the pyramids, the Great Wall and Glauber's ego'. I said, 'Have him delete me, by all means... and you can delete me too'. That kind of criticism is so 'family of origin' that it cuts deep. But I guess I can just consider the source... someone who is unhappy and in a bad situation... it's so easy to put people down, cast aspersions on their motives, accuse them of whatever... troll through life. Even though it stung at the moment, I really don't care at this point... I know what I'm doing...Gonna keep doing it... And those that want to judge or be offended... your choice, I wish you the best...
