I feel bad for this guy I know. He can't spell AND he has a small penis. I'm afraid he suffers from lesdyxia.
Two lazy guys sitting around at the cafe. One says to the other, 'What have you been doing?" "Networking", replies his friend. "Yeah, me neither", says the first guy.
No wonder I'm a lousy weight lifter.
To me, the 'clean and jerk' is counter-intuitive.
What's the point of a period?
Overheard at dance class...
"Squeeze the glutes..... uh your OWN glutes, Rich"
I get a little tired of people bragging on Facebook. I was just thinking about this as I knocked out the NY Times Saturday crossword in ink (20 minutes). Why do people have to always project their best image? I don't get it.
I am cleaning up my friend's list. If you know me and want to stay on my list, uh, stop posing multiple inspirational messages on a daily basis. Share your own thoughts, by all means, but how bout a moratorium on faux spirituality. Just a suggestion.
I wish my lawn was emo...maybe it would cut itself...
(yes I know that's wrong on every level)
If you play my tambourine again, there will be repercussions.
When you read the local crime reports, the perpetrators invariably have these skeevy beards and goatees. I never thought of crappy facial hair as an indicator of criminal behavior, but I'm starting to wonder. Dude, instead of beating up your girlfriend, maybe try shaving instead?
Hey, it's OK to be negative..... (especially at the clinic)
This from a woman friend of mine... 'There was one time I had a bad urinary tract infection and I had to pull of the road in Burns'
Me, 'Wait a minute, I have to write that down'
I love the word 'disingenuous'. It's lawyer-speak for 'lying motherfucker'
I get a lump in my throat when I think about the Flemish Masters
Wow, I have 499 friends. Maybe I'll round it off to a nice even ......498
I think, I jam...Therefore iamb
I like it when people complain about facebook...... on facebook.
'I'm not allergic to poison ivy', he said rashly
