Sleepy time in the middle of the day, I've taken a Pilates class, done the crossword and gone shopping. Now I could fall asleep, since I didn't get enough shut eye last night, but I'll hold off for a few minutes and see if there's anything cooking inside my brain. pause pause, nope, nothing there, goodnight. (he said facetiously)
I've had a busy few weeks, lots of performances in far-flung regions, and I've been pretty happy with the results. But the thing that is really turning my crank lately (so to speak), is the time I've been putting in on piano. And in fact, when I look ahead at the schedule for the next few weeks, the gig that excites me the most is a 10am slot at Saturday Market, at which I'll play many of the originals that I'm working on now.
It's a gig that will pay me maybe $50, but it obviously isn't about the money, more about the essence of what I've been doing all these years. I think I have resigned myself to the reality that I'm not going to be a famous guy on a big scale, not going to do a lot of touring or marketing or producing or merchandising or any other 'ing' that we'd care to introduce. For whatever reasons, it's simply not in my DNA or my will to go that route. I realize that this admission could easily be viewed as self-defeating, self-limiting etc, and that is undoubtedly true, if one chooses to think in those terms. If the world is viewed as a Tony Robbins canvas in which our job is to be a world beater, super fit, super accomplished, super super super, than I'm sure that I would be very depressed by my lack of production. God knows I can make that case....
But what if Tony Robbins isn't the standard? What if all the noise on TV and radio and internet and facebook is just so much distraction? What's left? What's right? I'm thinking about the homeless guy who I pass most mornings on my way into town. If I catch the red light and am stopped in front of him, I'll reach into the change drawer and fish out a buck or so. If I just drive past, I make it a point to look at him and nod my head in acknowledgment, as if to say, 'I see you, I respect you, you are a human being'. He always gives a wave in response, and my guess is that it's important to make that connection and share that moment. It's more important than the money, that's my guess anyhow. (He might have a very different opinion about it, but my sense is that a look in the eye is a valuable commodity)
And maybe there's some connection to music in that simple interaction. I have all these songs I've written over the years. A number of them are very good, little works of art, with a lot of craft applied in the creation. That's right, they're my little arts and crafts projects of a lifetime. They are mostly autobiographical so in total, they are a self portrait that goes through time. They are not a boxed set, though it's tempting to put the best ones together into a collection. And when I'm gone, if someone wants to listen and know who I was, here ya go, it's in the music. Like Dan Bern said, 'And if you judge me tonight, judge me by the songs I write, that's all I am to you' from his song 'Black Tornado'.
My sense, (or is it my rationalization), is that there is high value in the art itself. Whether it makes a lot of money or notoriety is likely secondary to the art itself. It's nice for it to be heard and appreciated, and I think I'll invite a bunch of folks to come down and listen to 45 minutes of the Glauber songbook. Hopefully they'll have the ability to just enjoy, not have to chatter too much, just 'lend me their ears' for 3/4 of an hour. If it happens, great, and if not, there's still a great deal of pleasure in getting ready to share it. I've been breaking out some of the old songs, changing things up in some of them, and creating a 'this is my life' soundtrack for the good folks at Saturday Market. Since it's not a 'kids set', which is my norm down there, I don't have to get the kids jumping up and down. Instead I get to play my version of songs in the key of life... Looking forward to it, and to the process beforehand. Simple pleasures....
