I seem to have crossed the threshold of bumming out and turned it back toward something positive. It's a combination of factors, not the least of which is the fact of buying the new laptop, finding my way into Garage Band and starting up the learning curve. Yes, I have the feeling of 'why didn't I do this a long time ago', but oh well, so what. I have carried around the sense that I can't deal with frustration, and that doesn't seem to be as true these days. When I get to a place where I'm stymied by not understanding something, it doesn't seem to bother me all that much. I try to find my way via Google or Youtube or maybe just dining around and hoping that the Mac's reputation for intuitive control would actually apply to me as well. Uh, not so much just yet, but I'm learning stuff every day and starting to stay up late messing around with recording. That's a good thing.
Man I could use some 'companionship' aka taking my clothes off with someone, but there's nothing on the horizon. Maybe just as well, but even at my advanced age of whatever, I still have the strong urge to 'connect'. And just like it was last year, I look around and it's pretty bleak out there, especially in the category of 'age appropriate' women. Maybe I need to join a book group or something... dance class ain't really doing it these days. But yeah, I'm happy to still be dancing, lower back pain notwithstanding.
I weigh 193, which is about 10 pounds under my normal Oregon weight. And I seem to be keeping the weight off, mostly I think, due to the fact that I haven't been eating bread and pasta. In Thailand, I dropped weight almost immediately, and my asthma was much better than here. Perhaps it's due to the lack of wheat in the diet, so I'm experimenting with a semi gluten-free regime. I actually think it's working, and the one time that I just went ahead and ate a bunch of pasta, yep, I was pretty asthmatic that night. Could it be that simple? Hope so, it would save me a lot of aggravation, not to mention medication.
I've talked with Oh several times since I've been back, and it's sweet. Yes, her name is Oh, rather than M, and it feels like the time to make that switch in terminology. The M is short for Manchita, which is her given name, but everyone calls her by her nickname of Oh. She finishes up her job this week, and then gets to rest... and rest some more. Girlfriend is exhausted. I miss her a ton, and I'm looking forward to getting to visit with her on Skype, once she has time to get that figured out. There are plenty of friends in Chiang Mai who can help her, and it will be a great (and free) way for us to stay in touch.
She genuinely misses me, and even though there are probably a million guys who are convinced that their Thai lover is waiting for them and being faithful, in this case, I believe it to be true. So how does that square with my desire to ahem do the horizontal tango? It doesn't. But there is something about 'men are different' that she seems to adhere to, and I believe that I've got the green light. As does she.... And like I've said many times. The odds are totally against us, but....
Focus...
Or lack thereof, apparently. I'm feeling definitely unfocused these days, having a hard time concentrating for more than a few minutes, very ADD lately. But I got a great lesson in Garage Band this morning and the more I learn about it, the more capable I feel of being able to record songs and grow with the technology... if I could only focus. There is a ton of information on Youtube for instance, about many different aspects of Garage Band, so it's a long road, but one with many maps and atlases.
I definitely miss my life in Thailand, and yesterday I was fantasizing about just chucking it all and going back there... not really considering it, but immersed in the fantasy. Re-entry is a bitch and I'm back to feeling dis-connected and fairly lost in the shuffle. I'm definitely ready for some new haunts or new ways of doing things, ready to meet some different people and different situations. The old ones are just not feeling quite right... been there, done that.
Interestingly, one of the high points about being back was re-connecting with so folks who I helped with music a few years ago. They are members of a small church in Springfield, part of the evangelical Christian movement, which ordinarily would be a total turn-off to me. Only thing is that they are a great family, the kids are awesome and the music they wanted me to help them with is just a rockin' great song which in fact does lift my spirit. I had a similar reaction to seeing a bunch of families from Marist High School who were at the train station waiting to head off on some religious trip. The vibe was good, it seemed like everyone belonged and they weren't say, sitting in their house wondering why they were feeling so lonely. No, I'm not quite ready to join the flock, but it is noteworthy that rather than being put off by the Christians, I'm sensing that they're on to something, at least as far as the social and purposeful situation goes.... Maybe I'll have to do the Bob Dylan Christian phase? Nah, probably not..
Here's the tune that I helped the musicians with... Tell me it doesn't rock...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4_lG-wSjxQ
I definitely miss my life in Thailand, and yesterday I was fantasizing about just chucking it all and going back there... not really considering it, but immersed in the fantasy. Re-entry is a bitch and I'm back to feeling dis-connected and fairly lost in the shuffle. I'm definitely ready for some new haunts or new ways of doing things, ready to meet some different people and different situations. The old ones are just not feeling quite right... been there, done that.
Interestingly, one of the high points about being back was re-connecting with so folks who I helped with music a few years ago. They are members of a small church in Springfield, part of the evangelical Christian movement, which ordinarily would be a total turn-off to me. Only thing is that they are a great family, the kids are awesome and the music they wanted me to help them with is just a rockin' great song which in fact does lift my spirit. I had a similar reaction to seeing a bunch of families from Marist High School who were at the train station waiting to head off on some religious trip. The vibe was good, it seemed like everyone belonged and they weren't say, sitting in their house wondering why they were feeling so lonely. No, I'm not quite ready to join the flock, but it is noteworthy that rather than being put off by the Christians, I'm sensing that they're on to something, at least as far as the social and purposeful situation goes.... Maybe I'll have to do the Bob Dylan Christian phase? Nah, probably not..
Here's the tune that I helped the musicians with... Tell me it doesn't rock...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4_lG-wSjxQ
Keeping the Faith...
Ah the first day of spring, a time of new growth and promise.... or is it? In Oregon, I woke up to 6 inches of wet snow on the ground, no power, 32 degrees and a day of slush and cold and 'what's the use'... Well, it happened again this year, I'm pretty bummed out about being back in the rain, away from my girlfriend, not sure what to do about it. It does feel like an indulgence to get depressed, but then again, to fight it might be a waste of energy. Dance was canceled, I could use some exercise, the Blues Jam is canceled, it's cold, there's no food in the house, hell there's no stove in the house, what the fuck?
I know it gets better, I know that my mood could elevate at the drop of a hat (or skirt) so yeah, I'll indulge the feeling of 'this sucks' and just let it be. Or as a wrote last year around this time 'let it come and let it go'. Feel the feeling, don't hang on to the feeling...
Two weeks back in Oregon, the sun has shone for two days in that time, I've talked to M three or four times, it sounds like she's back into the late night, going out after work routine, her ex is back on the scene and trying to get close again, just like I predicted. He stayed scarce for the last month of my stay in Chiang Mai, but I figured (correctly) that he'd reappear once I left. She tells me not to worry, and I reply that every time she says that, uh, there's reason to worry. But then again, there's no controlling the situation, especially from here, and que sera sera. She called me this afternoon, 6am her time, we had a nice talk, she misses me so much, but I guess I don't really trust it. There's no worrying about it now, the main question is what happens after she finishes that job at the end of the month. She's planning on taking a month or so rest and then going to see her sister in late April. That's the watershed period because that will be a time of no drinking and no smoking or next to none, anyhow, so we'll see if that inspires her to make some kind of change for the healthier. At this point, with the rain falling and the house cold, well, I'm not seeing it.
I did manage to get some gigs in the book today, three remote libraries in Eastern Oregon that came as part of the fortunate package which arrived while I was in Thailand, so it's good to have them in the datebook. Other than that, not much productivity today, a little bit of piano practice, a walk in the slush and a feeling of 'this sucks'.
There was one little moment of light when I thought of the phrase 'My shirts are all wrinkled', he said without a trace of irony. And the other one was 'Ironically, I'm feeling cynical about the current cultural zeitgeist of cynicism and irony' (It's a bit pretentious, but something about it appeals...)
I've been avoiding bread and pasta as an experiment in 'gluten free' living and have been feeling less asthmatic as a result. Then last night, my buddy Jack had some people over and cooked a big tuna noodle casserole and garlic bread and I had a large portion, just to see. Sure enough, I had a lousy breathing night. 'It was bad... and that's good' I suppose.
OK, have I conveyed the low level pissed off and frustrated feeling that I've been walking around with for the past few days? Can I change it, yeah, I likely can, when I'm ready to. Apparently I'm not quite ready...
I know it gets better, I know that my mood could elevate at the drop of a hat (or skirt) so yeah, I'll indulge the feeling of 'this sucks' and just let it be. Or as a wrote last year around this time 'let it come and let it go'. Feel the feeling, don't hang on to the feeling...
Two weeks back in Oregon, the sun has shone for two days in that time, I've talked to M three or four times, it sounds like she's back into the late night, going out after work routine, her ex is back on the scene and trying to get close again, just like I predicted. He stayed scarce for the last month of my stay in Chiang Mai, but I figured (correctly) that he'd reappear once I left. She tells me not to worry, and I reply that every time she says that, uh, there's reason to worry. But then again, there's no controlling the situation, especially from here, and que sera sera. She called me this afternoon, 6am her time, we had a nice talk, she misses me so much, but I guess I don't really trust it. There's no worrying about it now, the main question is what happens after she finishes that job at the end of the month. She's planning on taking a month or so rest and then going to see her sister in late April. That's the watershed period because that will be a time of no drinking and no smoking or next to none, anyhow, so we'll see if that inspires her to make some kind of change for the healthier. At this point, with the rain falling and the house cold, well, I'm not seeing it.
I did manage to get some gigs in the book today, three remote libraries in Eastern Oregon that came as part of the fortunate package which arrived while I was in Thailand, so it's good to have them in the datebook. Other than that, not much productivity today, a little bit of piano practice, a walk in the slush and a feeling of 'this sucks'.
There was one little moment of light when I thought of the phrase 'My shirts are all wrinkled', he said without a trace of irony. And the other one was 'Ironically, I'm feeling cynical about the current cultural zeitgeist of cynicism and irony' (It's a bit pretentious, but something about it appeals...)
I've been avoiding bread and pasta as an experiment in 'gluten free' living and have been feeling less asthmatic as a result. Then last night, my buddy Jack had some people over and cooked a big tuna noodle casserole and garlic bread and I had a large portion, just to see. Sure enough, I had a lousy breathing night. 'It was bad... and that's good' I suppose.
OK, have I conveyed the low level pissed off and frustrated feeling that I've been walking around with for the past few days? Can I change it, yeah, I likely can, when I'm ready to. Apparently I'm not quite ready...
Wow that was close
Just got up from the desk, caught my foot in the power cord to the new computer and tugged and tripped on it, waiting for the inevitable and dreaded sound of my computer hitting the floor. But what's this, it didn't crash (literally). Yep, that's one more great feature of the Mac, the fact that the chord attaches via magnet, so it pulled out rather than dragged the computer to the floor. Thank you, Apple, you just saved me a lot of agita. It did pull the computer dangerously close to the edge, but not over. And maybe that's just the bit of good fortune that I need to turn my emotional state from cold and grey to warmer and more colorful. Because Goddamn, I'm not really enjoying this transition to America.
So Rich, let me ask you a question... What have you learned over the course of your life that might have some relevance to the situation in which you are presently immersed? Is there some knowledge that you've gained over the years which might be useful at a time when you're not at your best? And this brings up the familiar thought that it's easier to have these revelations when you're feeling good and inspired, but when you're less so, it all seems like a waste of time. (I don't really feel that way at present, just remarking on a familiar pathway that my brain likes to take).
For me, the 'solution' needs to be a creative one, I need to be developing new work, not relying on the tried and true (and trite?) that has gotten me here. I really feel that frustration when I returned to the early childhood world and didn't have something new to offer, so my goal for this day is to get something new going, like right away, like now. Got to block out the distractions and let my mind enter that place where it has access to the bigger picture. So here's how I'll go about it. Looking at the calendar, I see that I have some upcoming gigs I'm not quite ready for, so let's see what they need and see how I can start crafting some new work.
There is a bunch of early childhood stuff coming up, that culminates with a big event on April 18 (Earth Day). I'll be doing two shows for the kids who are part of the U of O child development centers, and it's a well-paid, nice gig in a perfect location, at the 'longhouse' on campus. Before that, I have many opportunities for working with young kids, so it would be good to try out some stuff in advance of the Earth Day event.
So if I were to sketch out a perfect performance for a hundred little kids (and their teachers), what would it look like?
Opening Song
Get them moving in place
Get their voices going
Locomotion around the space
Story
Singalong
Closing song
Actually, now that I look at it and imagine the gig, it's a piece of cake. These kids just see me the one time. It's more difficult to conjure up stuff that will work over the weeks and months. So let's write some new early childhood stuff and come up with some new activities that will get the kids inspired and active.... Ready set go... uh, ready set go... uh, how do you do that, again?
I tend to want to grab a guitar, strum a C chord and see what happens... so let's try that, with a mind that is thinking about movement and animals and nature. I've been wanting to write something about the seeds that are planted at this time of year... Where's my guitar?
So Rich, let me ask you a question... What have you learned over the course of your life that might have some relevance to the situation in which you are presently immersed? Is there some knowledge that you've gained over the years which might be useful at a time when you're not at your best? And this brings up the familiar thought that it's easier to have these revelations when you're feeling good and inspired, but when you're less so, it all seems like a waste of time. (I don't really feel that way at present, just remarking on a familiar pathway that my brain likes to take).
For me, the 'solution' needs to be a creative one, I need to be developing new work, not relying on the tried and true (and trite?) that has gotten me here. I really feel that frustration when I returned to the early childhood world and didn't have something new to offer, so my goal for this day is to get something new going, like right away, like now. Got to block out the distractions and let my mind enter that place where it has access to the bigger picture. So here's how I'll go about it. Looking at the calendar, I see that I have some upcoming gigs I'm not quite ready for, so let's see what they need and see how I can start crafting some new work.
There is a bunch of early childhood stuff coming up, that culminates with a big event on April 18 (Earth Day). I'll be doing two shows for the kids who are part of the U of O child development centers, and it's a well-paid, nice gig in a perfect location, at the 'longhouse' on campus. Before that, I have many opportunities for working with young kids, so it would be good to try out some stuff in advance of the Earth Day event.
So if I were to sketch out a perfect performance for a hundred little kids (and their teachers), what would it look like?
Opening Song
Get them moving in place
Get their voices going
Locomotion around the space
Story
Singalong
Closing song
Actually, now that I look at it and imagine the gig, it's a piece of cake. These kids just see me the one time. It's more difficult to conjure up stuff that will work over the weeks and months. So let's write some new early childhood stuff and come up with some new activities that will get the kids inspired and active.... Ready set go... uh, ready set go... uh, how do you do that, again?
I tend to want to grab a guitar, strum a C chord and see what happens... so let's try that, with a mind that is thinking about movement and animals and nature. I've been wanting to write something about the seeds that are planted at this time of year... Where's my guitar?
Laptop....
Will I ever leave the couch again? (he wondered idly) as I sit here with March Madness on the tube and Mac on my lap. I've had my new laptop for less than 24 hours and I can easily see becoming one of those creatures who is always online. Mac is pretty freakin' cool, I must admit... I didn't know it had all of those fingers-on-the-screen tricks for making things bigger, making them move etc., and of course I don't know anything yet. I've got a guy coming over this evening with a microphone and an interface for doing some recording on garage band. I feel good about this development, as it's likely the best way for me to avoid the depression which I'm starting to experience about being in the cold and rain and lonely as opposed to the hot and smoky and connected. I do have the wherewithal to stay motivated and fascinated and I do believe that it's a technological fix at this time of my life, time to learn, create and record. And whether or not it turns into money or whatever, that doesn't really matter as much as the simple fact of learn, create and record.
I ended up going with the 13 inch screen for a few reasons, not the least of which was economic. Plus I had the good fortune to drag my good buddy along and he was able to use his 'educator discount' to shave $100 of the price of the Mac, and $65 off the price of the extended warranty. Add the fact that there is no state sales tax in Oregon (sorry, school kids in overcrowded classrooms), and it's a pretty good deal.
Brother Bill just posted on Facebook that 'you've joined a cult', and that's probably true. But you know what? I'm getting mighty sick of the stuck place that I've been in, so desperate times call for desperate measures. (not that I'm desperate, of course).
And what if I become just another of the millions of people who hang out in their bedroom creating loops, making 'music' that no one will hear? That's the risk, I suppose, but I'm just gonna trust that I'll have enough gigs to keep my creative juices flowing, keep creating new material and keep motivated. That's the plan....
And I really want to record a bunch of my best songs, get them into some kind of form that I will be able to share without having to say the dreaded...'I'm a good musician but I'm intimidated by the technology'. It sounds far more interesting to stay up late at night, and spend my time trying to figure out what's the perfect horn part for such and such a song. I've always loved making those decisions, but they were few and far between due to the fact that I was paying for studio time, and time is money. So the journey begins, and I'm really happy to have taken the step of buying this rig. Can I get a Mazel Tov?!
It's sleeting outside the window, cold and wet in March, damn, a guy could get bummed out... but not me (he said hopefully)
I ended up going with the 13 inch screen for a few reasons, not the least of which was economic. Plus I had the good fortune to drag my good buddy along and he was able to use his 'educator discount' to shave $100 of the price of the Mac, and $65 off the price of the extended warranty. Add the fact that there is no state sales tax in Oregon (sorry, school kids in overcrowded classrooms), and it's a pretty good deal.
Brother Bill just posted on Facebook that 'you've joined a cult', and that's probably true. But you know what? I'm getting mighty sick of the stuck place that I've been in, so desperate times call for desperate measures. (not that I'm desperate, of course).
And what if I become just another of the millions of people who hang out in their bedroom creating loops, making 'music' that no one will hear? That's the risk, I suppose, but I'm just gonna trust that I'll have enough gigs to keep my creative juices flowing, keep creating new material and keep motivated. That's the plan....
And I really want to record a bunch of my best songs, get them into some kind of form that I will be able to share without having to say the dreaded...'I'm a good musician but I'm intimidated by the technology'. It sounds far more interesting to stay up late at night, and spend my time trying to figure out what's the perfect horn part for such and such a song. I've always loved making those decisions, but they were few and far between due to the fact that I was paying for studio time, and time is money. So the journey begins, and I'm really happy to have taken the step of buying this rig. Can I get a Mazel Tov?!
It's sleeting outside the window, cold and wet in March, damn, a guy could get bummed out... but not me (he said hopefully)
Back?
I'm allegedly back 'home' in Oregon, and if home is where the heart is, uh, not so much. I kinda gave myself until today to veg out, get healthy, get re-calibrated to life in the US, so here on Monday, I aim to stock up on some supplies, make some inroads into the work zone that is my living room, get a microwave set up, take a trip to the Apple Store to try out some computers, get a work out in.
The reason my house is a disaster is because of a kitchen remodel that went over the estimated time frame. Everything is cleared from the shelves and closets into the living room and the kitchen is without stove and dishwasher and counter tops. It's still probably a week until full usage, but there is stuff that I can do to make the scene more livable...(starting today, right?)
After a lovely couple of days of spring like weather, Oregon is into a heavy storm sequence with lots of wind and rain in the foreseeable future. That's OK, I can't miss all of the winter, (or can I?). Meanwhile back in northern Thailand, the smoke and pollution are scary due to field burning, forest fires etc and it sounds awful, so there's a part of me that's OK with being in the rain. (for a while)
I miss Oh, (that's the name that M goes by, a nickname really, but it's what everyone calls her, me included). We left in very good form, as is the love channel was what remained after quite a bit of struggle. Must have been some kind of test, sure felt like it, and of course there's no panacea, and the odds are surely against us, but it's still nice to know that there is someone who loves me and wants to be with me and the feeling is reciprocated. I'll be content with that knowledge.
I can't really tell how I'm 'doing' as I took the opportunity to get lost for a few days into a haze of smoke, piano playing, keeping the curtains drawn, sleeping odd hours, reading, writing and watching some television. But last night I arrived at the now familiar point where I have to take the last bud and flush it down the toilet, not give myself the irresistible temptation to fire it up once again... as if I could refuse it when it's around. Seems like I ought to be able to, but there's no way in hell, at least as I'm presently constituted, so I have to do the flushing ritual, like so many times before. Good... gone...
Ya know, it's 5:45 in the morning, no traffic to speak of, maybe it's time to drive cross town to the Winco and get some supplies, bring the list I've started, and go ahead and dig in to the reality that I'm here in Eugene, let's make something of it. OK then, shower, drive, resupply, straighten...(the house, but hey, whatever works) straighten out everything...
Big wind outside the window, big wet wind. My back is perhaps rounding into shape? (he wondered hopefully). I haven't been needing any ibuprofen, a little bit of numbness in my right arm, lower back less than lithe, but things are seeming to get better...I'll make it to a zumba class this afternoon, get a sweat in, check out the 'talent', keep on moving forward.
Oh has called me twice since I've been back, they found her replacement at work and she is training her in advance of her departure by the end of the month. Ch ch ch ch changes... Good for her, I hope that she can turn the opportunity into something great. I hope that I can do the same...
The reason my house is a disaster is because of a kitchen remodel that went over the estimated time frame. Everything is cleared from the shelves and closets into the living room and the kitchen is without stove and dishwasher and counter tops. It's still probably a week until full usage, but there is stuff that I can do to make the scene more livable...(starting today, right?)
After a lovely couple of days of spring like weather, Oregon is into a heavy storm sequence with lots of wind and rain in the foreseeable future. That's OK, I can't miss all of the winter, (or can I?). Meanwhile back in northern Thailand, the smoke and pollution are scary due to field burning, forest fires etc and it sounds awful, so there's a part of me that's OK with being in the rain. (for a while)
I miss Oh, (that's the name that M goes by, a nickname really, but it's what everyone calls her, me included). We left in very good form, as is the love channel was what remained after quite a bit of struggle. Must have been some kind of test, sure felt like it, and of course there's no panacea, and the odds are surely against us, but it's still nice to know that there is someone who loves me and wants to be with me and the feeling is reciprocated. I'll be content with that knowledge.
I can't really tell how I'm 'doing' as I took the opportunity to get lost for a few days into a haze of smoke, piano playing, keeping the curtains drawn, sleeping odd hours, reading, writing and watching some television. But last night I arrived at the now familiar point where I have to take the last bud and flush it down the toilet, not give myself the irresistible temptation to fire it up once again... as if I could refuse it when it's around. Seems like I ought to be able to, but there's no way in hell, at least as I'm presently constituted, so I have to do the flushing ritual, like so many times before. Good... gone...
Ya know, it's 5:45 in the morning, no traffic to speak of, maybe it's time to drive cross town to the Winco and get some supplies, bring the list I've started, and go ahead and dig in to the reality that I'm here in Eugene, let's make something of it. OK then, shower, drive, resupply, straighten...(the house, but hey, whatever works) straighten out everything...
Big wind outside the window, big wet wind. My back is perhaps rounding into shape? (he wondered hopefully). I haven't been needing any ibuprofen, a little bit of numbness in my right arm, lower back less than lithe, but things are seeming to get better...I'll make it to a zumba class this afternoon, get a sweat in, check out the 'talent', keep on moving forward.
Oh has called me twice since I've been back, they found her replacement at work and she is training her in advance of her departure by the end of the month. Ch ch ch ch changes... Good for her, I hope that she can turn the opportunity into something great. I hope that I can do the same...
We Work Together...
Got some interesting gigs coming up in Oregon, a school assembly about 'respect', a family music thing at Pearl Buck Center working with preschoolers who are children of 'developmentally disabled' adults. They are into the 'Positive Behavior Support' approach and I think they heard about me through that world. Usually the motto of schools who use PBS is 'safe respectful responsible', Pearl Buck changed it to Safe, respectful and 'we work together'. Soon as I heard the words in that context, it struck me as a kids song called... wait for it...'we work together'
So I'm messing around on the guitar, trying to get grounded after traveling around the world. Came down with a fairly bad cold, the exhaustion probably didn't help, neither did the coughing guy next to me from Bangkok to Korea. But I feel pretty good for having made it home in one piece and for a beautiful sunny day. There's another one tomorrow, then it turns cold and rainy, but a couple of sunny days helps one feel good about being here...
I have an urge to create and I try to nourish it... by creating. And now I feel like I'm on a path again, on a quest, on a camino. A couple of chords, a date in time, a group of people and then follow the ideas, hone them into something that feels alive, that has meaning to me as well as usefulness for a group. I guess that is what my 'art' is about. Live events, new songs, building community (though those words are so overused as to be trite, it happens to be true, go figure).
But that can't be all that I do, and yeah, I'm committed to getting more technological and soon. But not for a couple of days, as my space is somewhat disastrous, no stove, dryer, kitchen sink at the moment, though it'll be beck together within 10 days (allegedly). As a result of the remodel, the living room is now filled with all of the stuff from 'deep storage' in the kitchen, all the stuff we never use, it's now out in the open, and what an opportunity to get rid of junk, especially in the new 'Spartan' simplicity which is the kitchen. (yes, I'm talking to you, Hansen). My stuff from Thailand is on the floor of my bedroom. The rest of my stuff is stuck into the closet, as I cleared space for the woman who sublet the space over the wonder. Short answer, the place is like a squatter's dream. I gave myself today to just hang out, be sick, not try too hard. Tomorrow I'll start putting the place back together.
Gotta work on this new tune...
So I'm messing around on the guitar, trying to get grounded after traveling around the world. Came down with a fairly bad cold, the exhaustion probably didn't help, neither did the coughing guy next to me from Bangkok to Korea. But I feel pretty good for having made it home in one piece and for a beautiful sunny day. There's another one tomorrow, then it turns cold and rainy, but a couple of sunny days helps one feel good about being here...
I have an urge to create and I try to nourish it... by creating. And now I feel like I'm on a path again, on a quest, on a camino. A couple of chords, a date in time, a group of people and then follow the ideas, hone them into something that feels alive, that has meaning to me as well as usefulness for a group. I guess that is what my 'art' is about. Live events, new songs, building community (though those words are so overused as to be trite, it happens to be true, go figure).
But that can't be all that I do, and yeah, I'm committed to getting more technological and soon. But not for a couple of days, as my space is somewhat disastrous, no stove, dryer, kitchen sink at the moment, though it'll be beck together within 10 days (allegedly). As a result of the remodel, the living room is now filled with all of the stuff from 'deep storage' in the kitchen, all the stuff we never use, it's now out in the open, and what an opportunity to get rid of junk, especially in the new 'Spartan' simplicity which is the kitchen. (yes, I'm talking to you, Hansen). My stuff from Thailand is on the floor of my bedroom. The rest of my stuff is stuck into the closet, as I cleared space for the woman who sublet the space over the wonder. Short answer, the place is like a squatter's dream. I gave myself today to just hang out, be sick, not try too hard. Tomorrow I'll start putting the place back together.
Gotta work on this new tune...
Post Purim Depression... (no I don't have it btw)
One more in the series of memorable Purim weirdness.... I've got stories.... By some strange coincidence, I ended up crossing the International Dateline during Purim, under the full moon, which is a given for the holiday. I had been trying to get my mind around the concept of flying overnight into the 'next day', but it's the same day again, which is how it feels, and it's a bit disorienting. And to add the Purim connection of 'ad lo yada' the 'not knowing', it all kind of makes sense... or doesn't make sense as the case may be. Whether it's drinking until you don't know, or perhaps crossing the date line, there was something just a little bit different under that moon.
And at the moment, I'm still in an altered state, haven't slept nearly enough, my house is torn apart with a kitchen remodel, over tired, sick in my sinuses and nasal passages after the slog through 4 plane trips and too many hours in airports. But the weather is beautiful for today and tomorrow, my internet is back on, phone is hooked up, gigs are coming in, dates are going into the datebook, and I'm back (allegedly). Must sleep must sleep...
But yeah, it's good to be internet connected, I hated spending long hours in the Seattle airport without a phone of internet access, I'm pretty attached... but not nearly as much as the ones I saw with laptops going, phones going, screens going.
I ended up going to the Blues jam last night on zero sleep just to see my friends and dance a few dances. Ditto for dance class this morning, during which I was in no condition to dance, but I wanted to see the combination at least and start to learn it so the next class will be more accessible. Glad I went, wow am I rusty, but also sick and exhausted, so I'm not too concerned about how foreign it felt to be dancing. But I did see the combo, and that's a very good thing... makes Saturday class something to look forward to rather than fear.
I like that line 'Post Purim Depression', sounds like a punchline. Can't quite figure out the 'set up' line however. But I will...
What happened after Sarah got too drunk at the spiel? She had a Post Purim Depression. not quite... (not close, actually, but oh well)
Gonna sleep soon.... zzzzzz
And at the moment, I'm still in an altered state, haven't slept nearly enough, my house is torn apart with a kitchen remodel, over tired, sick in my sinuses and nasal passages after the slog through 4 plane trips and too many hours in airports. But the weather is beautiful for today and tomorrow, my internet is back on, phone is hooked up, gigs are coming in, dates are going into the datebook, and I'm back (allegedly). Must sleep must sleep...
But yeah, it's good to be internet connected, I hated spending long hours in the Seattle airport without a phone of internet access, I'm pretty attached... but not nearly as much as the ones I saw with laptops going, phones going, screens going.
I ended up going to the Blues jam last night on zero sleep just to see my friends and dance a few dances. Ditto for dance class this morning, during which I was in no condition to dance, but I wanted to see the combination at least and start to learn it so the next class will be more accessible. Glad I went, wow am I rusty, but also sick and exhausted, so I'm not too concerned about how foreign it felt to be dancing. But I did see the combo, and that's a very good thing... makes Saturday class something to look forward to rather than fear.
I like that line 'Post Purim Depression', sounds like a punchline. Can't quite figure out the 'set up' line however. But I will...
What happened after Sarah got too drunk at the spiel? She had a Post Purim Depression. not quite... (not close, actually, but oh well)
Gonna sleep soon.... zzzzzz
En Route
Well well well, lookee here, a free internet place at the airport in Bangkok, sweet! Uneventful flight out of Chiang Mai, an uneventful pass through the line at Korean Air, got some aisle seats for the flight across the Pacific. Took about an hour to make it through the huge line for passport control, one of the negatives of being in a place with huge tourism, but hey, that was uneventful too. I clearly have nothing to say, so I should sign off..... but I won't haha. (By the way, the number 5 is pronounced 'ha' in Thailand, so their shorthand for hahaha is 555. For reals).
It was just a great farewell to Chiang Mai, and part of that is the fact that I left in the evening, meaning there was no lack of sleep, no bleary eyed trip to the airport. Instead it was a very relaxed day, slept in, had my usual quality time with M, had the farewell coffee with Noi and company, a farewell sandwich at CU Corner, and an easy $3 tuktuk ride to the airport. Now the sucky part will likely begin, a 36 hour airport slog back home, but that's just the price of traveling across the Pacific. It's freakin' far.... (and that's the point, I suppose, and why I love it so much)
Sorry to leave the food, damn! This morning, for example, breakfast was noodle soup with pork balls, vegetables, roast pork, delicious broth, served by a woman with a mobile 'soupmobile', basically a side-car kitchen that she takes around town and stops at various places along the way, including the Noi's cafe. So I'll be nursing my $1 delicious cappuccino and here comes the $1 soup lady, and sure, give me two, one for M who's up in the room and one for me. Late nights are often a similar story in that two of M's friends have a mobile kitchen and their route takes them by CU Corner around midnight usually. Delicious food, healthy, varied and about a buck as well. Sometimes up to a buck and a quarter for some of the dishes. Hey big spender....
And in a not too surprising development (at least to me), I decided to leave my Spanish guitar at the CU Corner. I've had it for 12 years, bought it in Seville for $200 after walking the Camino de Santiago. I've had it in Central America twice, in Spain, Portugal, Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, Malaysia, it's been a great companion, and she's showing her age. The neck is a little out of whack, action is too high above the 5th or 6th fret, and according to my snob of a guitar repair guy, it would cost more to fix than the guitar is worth. It plays OK in open position and I've written many many songs on that guitar, but I just have some kind of sense that it's time to let it go, let someone else play it, not hang on. It can sit on the wall at CU Corner, be played by anyone who wants, just become part of the decor even, doesn't matter to me. I couldn't exactly describe why I know it's time to say goodbye to it, it's something in my soul that tells me so, more a feeling than a formed idea, and I tend to trust those impulses. And how great that the last thing I played on that axe was that recording of Talent Show which is now on Youtube... and it makes me smile every time I see that track. We nailed it, right to the very end, and it's good to be able to see it and smile. Gracias, guitarra, you have been a true friend of my spirit... so many great moments, oh heck, why not recall some...
I loved the buying of that guitar... spent parts of two days going between three guitar shops in Seville, trying out a bunch of classical guitars and then I picked this one, just felt right. And then the next day, I grabbed a bus for Tarifa, a beach town in the far south of Spain, looking across to Morocco. On the bus, this Spanish dude asked to see my guitar, so I pulled it out of the case. If an American dude was checking out a guitar, chances are he'd strum an E chord or a G chord to hear the sound. The Spanish guy hit an A7b9 heavy duty flamenco dissonant chord and he did the fingernails and that flamenco strum. I thought, 'fuckin' A yeah, thanks for putting that energy into the guitar, I did have that feeling.
A few weeks later I was in Lisbon and I met this Polish woman Agnieska, who was having dinner alone. I just went up and asked if she spoke English, and could I join her? She was like, OK, ya sure. We ate, took a walk up the hill in Lisbon, under a beautiful full moon, had a beer, that was it. Made plans to meet the next morning at some museum where she was leading a group of German tourists before heading back south where the trip originated from. I went back to the pension and wrote a really tasty little song, kinda classical sounding, about meeting a Polish woman, taking a walk up the hill, full moon etc. Nice composition, nice guitar, I wanted to sing it for her at the museum. I got there at the appointed time and she apologized and said they were leaving right away, and the Germans were all on the bus, ready to take off. I said, 'Wait. I want to sing you something, I wrote a song about you', so under the delighted gaze of the tourists looking out the windows, I sang this song to my new friend. What's that word where the guy sings the song to the lady? Can't think of it now, but it's kinda romantic and was a classic moment. (and yeah, I could still sing that tune)
I remember sitting under a flowering tree in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica, composing a song similar to Dos Gardenias Para Ti, a pretty melody, nice guitar part, perfect for those nylon strings. Yeah, I could play you that song too. I could play you dozens of songs I wrote with that guitar, they're in my soul...
I took it last year up on the hilltribe trek, because I wanted to be able to make some music with the indigenous kids and people I'd meet up there. That was the trip where I had too much gear, not enough sun protection and I ended up being 'that guy', who one who just about faints and holds up the whole group. They had to fan me, the guide grabbed my pack, I hung on to the guitar and eventually made it, but it was rough. But once I recovered, there I was making incredibly fun music with the kids, getting them dancing and jamming and laughing and it was worth it. And that night, our host was playing some music on a beat up guitar, and I helped him out, taught him some stuff the next day, had a great musical connection as we played Country Roads, which for some reason is a really popular song here. I know it backwards and forwards at this point, I play it with Apple every time we jam at the CU.
And now it will sit up on the wall and be one of Jeff's guitars, available for anyone who wants to use it, not a bad retirement, actually, hanging out in a great vibe atmosphere, surrounded by friends and music. It's a much better fate than to be sitting in a corner in Eugene, feeling neglected by an owner who wants to play a better axe. Yup, it's the right choice and the right time. Que te vaya bien. (that it goes well for you...)
It was just a great farewell to Chiang Mai, and part of that is the fact that I left in the evening, meaning there was no lack of sleep, no bleary eyed trip to the airport. Instead it was a very relaxed day, slept in, had my usual quality time with M, had the farewell coffee with Noi and company, a farewell sandwich at CU Corner, and an easy $3 tuktuk ride to the airport. Now the sucky part will likely begin, a 36 hour airport slog back home, but that's just the price of traveling across the Pacific. It's freakin' far.... (and that's the point, I suppose, and why I love it so much)
Sorry to leave the food, damn! This morning, for example, breakfast was noodle soup with pork balls, vegetables, roast pork, delicious broth, served by a woman with a mobile 'soupmobile', basically a side-car kitchen that she takes around town and stops at various places along the way, including the Noi's cafe. So I'll be nursing my $1 delicious cappuccino and here comes the $1 soup lady, and sure, give me two, one for M who's up in the room and one for me. Late nights are often a similar story in that two of M's friends have a mobile kitchen and their route takes them by CU Corner around midnight usually. Delicious food, healthy, varied and about a buck as well. Sometimes up to a buck and a quarter for some of the dishes. Hey big spender....
And in a not too surprising development (at least to me), I decided to leave my Spanish guitar at the CU Corner. I've had it for 12 years, bought it in Seville for $200 after walking the Camino de Santiago. I've had it in Central America twice, in Spain, Portugal, Thailand, Vietnam, Laos, Malaysia, it's been a great companion, and she's showing her age. The neck is a little out of whack, action is too high above the 5th or 6th fret, and according to my snob of a guitar repair guy, it would cost more to fix than the guitar is worth. It plays OK in open position and I've written many many songs on that guitar, but I just have some kind of sense that it's time to let it go, let someone else play it, not hang on. It can sit on the wall at CU Corner, be played by anyone who wants, just become part of the decor even, doesn't matter to me. I couldn't exactly describe why I know it's time to say goodbye to it, it's something in my soul that tells me so, more a feeling than a formed idea, and I tend to trust those impulses. And how great that the last thing I played on that axe was that recording of Talent Show which is now on Youtube... and it makes me smile every time I see that track. We nailed it, right to the very end, and it's good to be able to see it and smile. Gracias, guitarra, you have been a true friend of my spirit... so many great moments, oh heck, why not recall some...
I loved the buying of that guitar... spent parts of two days going between three guitar shops in Seville, trying out a bunch of classical guitars and then I picked this one, just felt right. And then the next day, I grabbed a bus for Tarifa, a beach town in the far south of Spain, looking across to Morocco. On the bus, this Spanish dude asked to see my guitar, so I pulled it out of the case. If an American dude was checking out a guitar, chances are he'd strum an E chord or a G chord to hear the sound. The Spanish guy hit an A7b9 heavy duty flamenco dissonant chord and he did the fingernails and that flamenco strum. I thought, 'fuckin' A yeah, thanks for putting that energy into the guitar, I did have that feeling.
A few weeks later I was in Lisbon and I met this Polish woman Agnieska, who was having dinner alone. I just went up and asked if she spoke English, and could I join her? She was like, OK, ya sure. We ate, took a walk up the hill in Lisbon, under a beautiful full moon, had a beer, that was it. Made plans to meet the next morning at some museum where she was leading a group of German tourists before heading back south where the trip originated from. I went back to the pension and wrote a really tasty little song, kinda classical sounding, about meeting a Polish woman, taking a walk up the hill, full moon etc. Nice composition, nice guitar, I wanted to sing it for her at the museum. I got there at the appointed time and she apologized and said they were leaving right away, and the Germans were all on the bus, ready to take off. I said, 'Wait. I want to sing you something, I wrote a song about you', so under the delighted gaze of the tourists looking out the windows, I sang this song to my new friend. What's that word where the guy sings the song to the lady? Can't think of it now, but it's kinda romantic and was a classic moment. (and yeah, I could still sing that tune)
I remember sitting under a flowering tree in Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica, composing a song similar to Dos Gardenias Para Ti, a pretty melody, nice guitar part, perfect for those nylon strings. Yeah, I could play you that song too. I could play you dozens of songs I wrote with that guitar, they're in my soul...
I took it last year up on the hilltribe trek, because I wanted to be able to make some music with the indigenous kids and people I'd meet up there. That was the trip where I had too much gear, not enough sun protection and I ended up being 'that guy', who one who just about faints and holds up the whole group. They had to fan me, the guide grabbed my pack, I hung on to the guitar and eventually made it, but it was rough. But once I recovered, there I was making incredibly fun music with the kids, getting them dancing and jamming and laughing and it was worth it. And that night, our host was playing some music on a beat up guitar, and I helped him out, taught him some stuff the next day, had a great musical connection as we played Country Roads, which for some reason is a really popular song here. I know it backwards and forwards at this point, I play it with Apple every time we jam at the CU.
And now it will sit up on the wall and be one of Jeff's guitars, available for anyone who wants to use it, not a bad retirement, actually, hanging out in a great vibe atmosphere, surrounded by friends and music. It's a much better fate than to be sitting in a corner in Eugene, feeling neglected by an owner who wants to play a better axe. Yup, it's the right choice and the right time. Que te vaya bien. (that it goes well for you...)
The Grand Finally....
4:20pm, coincidentally, as I sit in the internet cafe with a little time to try and capture something of the last few days here. It's been a whirlwind of good vibes, farewells, parties, emotion and acceptance, and I'm feeling really good about my place in the universe right about now. I haven't packed up my pack yet, but I will do that around 6pm or so, then head over to CU for a last goodbye and then grab a tuktuk to the airport to catch an 8:15 flight to Bangkok. Thirty six hours later, I'll be landing in Eugene (God willing).
First things first, M and I are feeling really good about each other; there have been some tears and sadness, but they've been overshadowed by love and connection. And after the drama of two independent, flawed people trying to work stuff out, lots of pain along the way, frustration on both of our parts, it's kind of incredible to be feeling a pure love channel at the end of the chapter. I think we earned it by hanging in there, coming back for more, 'getting over ourselves' and having some kind of understanding that there is something really special here, so let's not sabotage it by running our normal trips. Let's find something more.
We had an extremely poignant moment two nights ago, lying in bed and reading 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran, a book I've certainly heard about plenty but never actually read. It's about a highly spiritual guy who is about to depart after a twelve year stay in a town. It's time for him to go back to his homeland, but before doing so, the townspeople implore him to share his knowledge with them. He discourses about love, about children, about work, about life, and it's quite poetic and beautiful. We came to a sentence about how you don't really appreciate the depth of your love until the hour of leaving, and we both burst into tears and shared an incredible moment of grief and love. Very healing and purifying emotion, I'll never forget that moment.
Yesterday, my guitarist buddy Scott came by the guesthouse for a farewell jam, and I had the thought to call up John and see if he'd like to come by with his video camera to perhaps record a song or two and put it up on Youtube. These are two of my best friends here and it worked out perfectly, including a great version of 'Talent Show' which you can see and hear at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wUuYlLQCw14
We played the heck out of it, he's incredible, we're quite locked in at this point, and I'm really happy happy to have that little memento.
Talent show is quite autobiographical on some level... (every level?) and I think the lyric pretty much sums me up.
It's a talent show, we hear there's gonna be a talent show
Everyone will have a chance to be a star
No more nervous days, sleepless nights
It's all revealed underneath the lights
Everyone will see how great you are
Give it a go at the talent show
At the talent show, they'll all be watching at the talent show
And if I blow it, everyone will know it
They'll see my mouth go dry, my eyes start blinking
Mind go blank, what the hell was I thinking?
Back when they asked me, I should have said 'no'
I don't think so, don't need no talent show
Still there's a little part of me that loves to play the game
And when the judges say, 'the winner is...'
I want to hear my name
At the talent show, if only wishing would make it so
But that won't do it, won't even get you near
Don't let the world forget you
The table is all set for you
You've got to give it a go
Give it a go... give it a go
And let your talent show....
Last night, Taew, the owner of CU Corner, threw a party pretty much in my honor and she cooked up a large kettle of 'suki', a Japanese style dish (sukiyaki) with noodles, seafood, some beef and vegetables and served it at the bar around 7:30pm, before the crowd arrives. She wanted to do something private, but there aren't enough hours in the week, so this was the compromise, and it was a wonderful gesture. I've had a great connection with her this year and last, much mutual respect, a few hiccups along the way, but lots of appreciation for one another, and this gesture on her part was over the top. Lots of people ended up sharing in the festivities, I bought drinks for some friends and one for M, which just shows that on the last night, all the rules are different. Previously I had said, 'the last thing I'd buy for you is a drink' but sometimes you have to go against type and just let it go. There was much love in the air, much fellowship and 'good cheer' for lack of a better term. What a place and what a crew of people! Hard to believe my good fortune in finding this kind of niche.
And my other main niche is the morning cappuccino ritual with Noi and her friends at the coffee place. It's my first stop every day and there is so much to be said for getting to know a scene over the months, know the characters, be part of the flow. A number of Farang hang out there, complaining about the greedy Thai women, swapping stories of love affairs gone wrong, talking about their exploits, and I'm more or less the voice of 'what the hell are you talking about?'. I like to challenge them to at least examine their comments and attitudes, which I do on a regular basis. I'm not dickish about it, but I do feel the need to throw my two cents in. Truth be told, I'm more comfortable hanging out inside with the Thais, even if I don't understand what the conversation is about. They're nice to me, they like me, we laugh, I strum the guitar, show my friend Eck a few tricks now and again, talk with Noi, try to make jokes, it's lovely. She's a friend and I trust her. And she's becoming M's friend as well. At first, they kept their distance, as there is an unspoken understanding that if you have a Thai girlfriend, the other women will give you a wide berth, else there will be trouble. But I wasn't having that, in this case, and I kind of insisted that we all be just normal, friendly and not play that particular game. And it has turned out beautifully as the two women are now very comfortable with one another, and I see a friendship developing, which is a great thing for M, who can tend toward loneliness and 'staying in her room' Noi is someone of high character and intelligence, she is self made, grew up very poor, no shoes when she went to school, and now she's a successful business owner, non-smoker, non-drinker for the most part, and she provides a stable environment for her friends to enjoy. I think she's going to be part of M's mix, and that's a great thing.
I've got my Buddha around my neck, a feeling of peace in my heart, and a plan for my return. I'm going to go ahead and get a Mac laptop and learn Garage Band, record my songs, stay up late, have something to do rather than lament the distance from my girlfriend. (I'll do that too, of course, but there is something about the tech desire that reminds me of last year's decision to bring my Spanish guitar over to SE Asia). Prior to that, I was really nervous for some reason, what if I get sick, I don't know what I'm doing, kind of energy, but when I decided to bring the guitar, my mind was put at rest. This is who I am, this is what I do, I'll have a friend along regardless of what happens. And two trips and twenty or so new songs later, yeah, it was a great decision. And I had that same kind of mind relaxation when the idea of digging in to the technology took center stage. It gives me a plan for the future as well as a chance to finally put the fucking 'I'm a good musician but don't really know how to deal with technology' whine to the rear-view mirror. I'm mighty sick of that lament, and I'm ready to take some of these commercially viable songs and at least demo them out so I could submit them proudly (or kinda proudly) to Taxi or whatever music search website. Keep the fucking TV off as much as possible, default to music, rather than CNN and Entertainment Tonight... keep growing. (he said with some conviction)
5:14pm, time to head back to the Guest House, pack up and begin the return. It's been a phenomenal trip, a gift, to be sure. Huge gratitude from this side of the world....
First things first, M and I are feeling really good about each other; there have been some tears and sadness, but they've been overshadowed by love and connection. And after the drama of two independent, flawed people trying to work stuff out, lots of pain along the way, frustration on both of our parts, it's kind of incredible to be feeling a pure love channel at the end of the chapter. I think we earned it by hanging in there, coming back for more, 'getting over ourselves' and having some kind of understanding that there is something really special here, so let's not sabotage it by running our normal trips. Let's find something more.
We had an extremely poignant moment two nights ago, lying in bed and reading 'The Prophet' by Kahlil Gibran, a book I've certainly heard about plenty but never actually read. It's about a highly spiritual guy who is about to depart after a twelve year stay in a town. It's time for him to go back to his homeland, but before doing so, the townspeople implore him to share his knowledge with them. He discourses about love, about children, about work, about life, and it's quite poetic and beautiful. We came to a sentence about how you don't really appreciate the depth of your love until the hour of leaving, and we both burst into tears and shared an incredible moment of grief and love. Very healing and purifying emotion, I'll never forget that moment.
Yesterday, my guitarist buddy Scott came by the guesthouse for a farewell jam, and I had the thought to call up John and see if he'd like to come by with his video camera to perhaps record a song or two and put it up on Youtube. These are two of my best friends here and it worked out perfectly, including a great version of 'Talent Show' which you can see and hear at: http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wUuYlLQCw14
We played the heck out of it, he's incredible, we're quite locked in at this point, and I'm really happy happy to have that little memento.
Talent show is quite autobiographical on some level... (every level?) and I think the lyric pretty much sums me up.
It's a talent show, we hear there's gonna be a talent show
Everyone will have a chance to be a star
No more nervous days, sleepless nights
It's all revealed underneath the lights
Everyone will see how great you are
Give it a go at the talent show
At the talent show, they'll all be watching at the talent show
And if I blow it, everyone will know it
They'll see my mouth go dry, my eyes start blinking
Mind go blank, what the hell was I thinking?
Back when they asked me, I should have said 'no'
I don't think so, don't need no talent show
Still there's a little part of me that loves to play the game
And when the judges say, 'the winner is...'
I want to hear my name
At the talent show, if only wishing would make it so
But that won't do it, won't even get you near
Don't let the world forget you
The table is all set for you
You've got to give it a go
Give it a go... give it a go
And let your talent show....
Last night, Taew, the owner of CU Corner, threw a party pretty much in my honor and she cooked up a large kettle of 'suki', a Japanese style dish (sukiyaki) with noodles, seafood, some beef and vegetables and served it at the bar around 7:30pm, before the crowd arrives. She wanted to do something private, but there aren't enough hours in the week, so this was the compromise, and it was a wonderful gesture. I've had a great connection with her this year and last, much mutual respect, a few hiccups along the way, but lots of appreciation for one another, and this gesture on her part was over the top. Lots of people ended up sharing in the festivities, I bought drinks for some friends and one for M, which just shows that on the last night, all the rules are different. Previously I had said, 'the last thing I'd buy for you is a drink' but sometimes you have to go against type and just let it go. There was much love in the air, much fellowship and 'good cheer' for lack of a better term. What a place and what a crew of people! Hard to believe my good fortune in finding this kind of niche.
And my other main niche is the morning cappuccino ritual with Noi and her friends at the coffee place. It's my first stop every day and there is so much to be said for getting to know a scene over the months, know the characters, be part of the flow. A number of Farang hang out there, complaining about the greedy Thai women, swapping stories of love affairs gone wrong, talking about their exploits, and I'm more or less the voice of 'what the hell are you talking about?'. I like to challenge them to at least examine their comments and attitudes, which I do on a regular basis. I'm not dickish about it, but I do feel the need to throw my two cents in. Truth be told, I'm more comfortable hanging out inside with the Thais, even if I don't understand what the conversation is about. They're nice to me, they like me, we laugh, I strum the guitar, show my friend Eck a few tricks now and again, talk with Noi, try to make jokes, it's lovely. She's a friend and I trust her. And she's becoming M's friend as well. At first, they kept their distance, as there is an unspoken understanding that if you have a Thai girlfriend, the other women will give you a wide berth, else there will be trouble. But I wasn't having that, in this case, and I kind of insisted that we all be just normal, friendly and not play that particular game. And it has turned out beautifully as the two women are now very comfortable with one another, and I see a friendship developing, which is a great thing for M, who can tend toward loneliness and 'staying in her room' Noi is someone of high character and intelligence, she is self made, grew up very poor, no shoes when she went to school, and now she's a successful business owner, non-smoker, non-drinker for the most part, and she provides a stable environment for her friends to enjoy. I think she's going to be part of M's mix, and that's a great thing.
I've got my Buddha around my neck, a feeling of peace in my heart, and a plan for my return. I'm going to go ahead and get a Mac laptop and learn Garage Band, record my songs, stay up late, have something to do rather than lament the distance from my girlfriend. (I'll do that too, of course, but there is something about the tech desire that reminds me of last year's decision to bring my Spanish guitar over to SE Asia). Prior to that, I was really nervous for some reason, what if I get sick, I don't know what I'm doing, kind of energy, but when I decided to bring the guitar, my mind was put at rest. This is who I am, this is what I do, I'll have a friend along regardless of what happens. And two trips and twenty or so new songs later, yeah, it was a great decision. And I had that same kind of mind relaxation when the idea of digging in to the technology took center stage. It gives me a plan for the future as well as a chance to finally put the fucking 'I'm a good musician but don't really know how to deal with technology' whine to the rear-view mirror. I'm mighty sick of that lament, and I'm ready to take some of these commercially viable songs and at least demo them out so I could submit them proudly (or kinda proudly) to Taxi or whatever music search website. Keep the fucking TV off as much as possible, default to music, rather than CNN and Entertainment Tonight... keep growing. (he said with some conviction)
5:14pm, time to head back to the Guest House, pack up and begin the return. It's been a phenomenal trip, a gift, to be sure. Huge gratitude from this side of the world....
Squid....
Just had some squid flavored potato chips, mmmmm good. Among the many motorcycle vendors who ply their trade around Chiang Mai, there are a few that offer dried squid in many forms. When one passes by the CU Corner, my buddy John invariably says, 'Squid's on me'. (I'm starting to say it too). Another friend sampled it and said it tasted like 'vagina flavored chewing gum'. Uh, guess I'll pass on that...
Lets' see, how can I segue from that image? Um? Er? Well? Uh, I guess I can't.... end of post...
Lets' see, how can I segue from that image? Um? Er? Well? Uh, I guess I can't.... end of post...
Final gig, farewells,...
Yet another great night at the CU, sounds like a broken record, I realize, but that's how it seems, hanging with friends, making good music, being an integral part of the mix. It's like Cheers in a way, everybody knows your name and they're mostly glad to see you. My quartet had its final appearance and we were really tight, really musical, good crowd, and it's just a great feeling to see the music develop, the harmonies tighten, the communication become more instantaneous. I was in great voice last night and that's a good thing too. I'll go back there this evening and play bass for Joe (Germany) and Jelly (Ireland) who have the Saturday night late set. More fun, more harmony, more good vibes.
People are dropping like flies now, returning to their native lands, and yeah, that's OK. For one thing the weather is turning real hot, and the air quality is awful due to the 'burning season'. Some people are really suffering with it, not me, though there is occasional eye irritation. There is a two or three month window of hot weather and bad air before the monsoons kick in in June and July. There are many farewells in the air, and one of the sweetest ones was the other night when I said goodbye to Apple, one of the greatest guys I've ever played with.
He's an extraordinary person, short in stature, barrel chested, some kind of disability that makes him walk unsteadily and with a limp, long haired Thai, early fifties, one of the kindest, most accepting people I've ever met. Everyone loves the guy, me included. He's totally clean and sober, drinks a cup of warm Ovaltine during his gig, sings great, gets way into the music, plays outstanding lead guitar, has a vast repertoire of tunes that he delivers with passion. When I told him that it was our last time playing together for now, he shook hands, thanked each other, told each other how much we learned from one another, and called each other 'friend'. It's true, and it's one of the purest examples of music being the 'international language'. Apple's English is rudimentary at best, so our connection was not about words but about knowing how to connect as musicians. He's got great ears, (as do I), he is hyper aware of what's happening in the music, and there is a smile throughout the night. We'll stay connected on Facebook, and I dearly hope that we get to resume next year.... enshallah...
M and I are in good form, not perfect, but then again she's working a ton, she's in some pain in her neck and shoulder and is basically hanging on for another month until her job ends. She wants to sleep for a month, she says, 'recharge her batteries', (somehow she learned that expression, and uses it in this context). She told a joke last night that she translated into English from one of the magazines she likes to read. She got a great response and it's a good joke.
Mary goes to the church and tells the priest that her husband Paddy just died last night. Father Hennessy says, 'Oh what a tragedy, I'm so sorry. Oh poor Mary!. What were his last words?
She replied, 'his last words were 'Mary, put the gun down'
I'm getting ready to make my exit from Chiang Mai, starting to set up some gigs in the northwest, feeling OK at the moment about being out of here, it's reality, so let's deal with it. Eugene is a good place to be, it's a good existence (he said hopefully) and there is a lot that I love about it, so on we go. I feel like I've done the right thing with M, have given her a good opportunity to 'recharge' and plot a new course, and I don't really feel any attachment to the outcome. It's up to her. (That's a very common thing you hear here.... 'up to you') We love each other, maybe there's a future in it, maybe not, we'll just have to see. In the meantime there is stuff to do, stuff to learn, miles to cover, money to make. I've got my Buddha around my neck and good energy in my heart.
Today is Saturday, I'm on a flight on Tuesday evening, cross the date line and just like that, back in the cold and green and wet. Amazing....
People are dropping like flies now, returning to their native lands, and yeah, that's OK. For one thing the weather is turning real hot, and the air quality is awful due to the 'burning season'. Some people are really suffering with it, not me, though there is occasional eye irritation. There is a two or three month window of hot weather and bad air before the monsoons kick in in June and July. There are many farewells in the air, and one of the sweetest ones was the other night when I said goodbye to Apple, one of the greatest guys I've ever played with.
He's an extraordinary person, short in stature, barrel chested, some kind of disability that makes him walk unsteadily and with a limp, long haired Thai, early fifties, one of the kindest, most accepting people I've ever met. Everyone loves the guy, me included. He's totally clean and sober, drinks a cup of warm Ovaltine during his gig, sings great, gets way into the music, plays outstanding lead guitar, has a vast repertoire of tunes that he delivers with passion. When I told him that it was our last time playing together for now, he shook hands, thanked each other, told each other how much we learned from one another, and called each other 'friend'. It's true, and it's one of the purest examples of music being the 'international language'. Apple's English is rudimentary at best, so our connection was not about words but about knowing how to connect as musicians. He's got great ears, (as do I), he is hyper aware of what's happening in the music, and there is a smile throughout the night. We'll stay connected on Facebook, and I dearly hope that we get to resume next year.... enshallah...
M and I are in good form, not perfect, but then again she's working a ton, she's in some pain in her neck and shoulder and is basically hanging on for another month until her job ends. She wants to sleep for a month, she says, 'recharge her batteries', (somehow she learned that expression, and uses it in this context). She told a joke last night that she translated into English from one of the magazines she likes to read. She got a great response and it's a good joke.
Mary goes to the church and tells the priest that her husband Paddy just died last night. Father Hennessy says, 'Oh what a tragedy, I'm so sorry. Oh poor Mary!. What were his last words?
She replied, 'his last words were 'Mary, put the gun down'
I'm getting ready to make my exit from Chiang Mai, starting to set up some gigs in the northwest, feeling OK at the moment about being out of here, it's reality, so let's deal with it. Eugene is a good place to be, it's a good existence (he said hopefully) and there is a lot that I love about it, so on we go. I feel like I've done the right thing with M, have given her a good opportunity to 'recharge' and plot a new course, and I don't really feel any attachment to the outcome. It's up to her. (That's a very common thing you hear here.... 'up to you') We love each other, maybe there's a future in it, maybe not, we'll just have to see. In the meantime there is stuff to do, stuff to learn, miles to cover, money to make. I've got my Buddha around my neck and good energy in my heart.
Today is Saturday, I'm on a flight on Tuesday evening, cross the date line and just like that, back in the cold and green and wet. Amazing....
Mojo return....
Got some good energy roling today, gracias a Dios, it's been low wattage recently, perhaps due to a balky back, some pre-grieving about leaving the country, bad air pollution which is making a bunch of people suffer, though not me, other than the low energy. But my breathing has been good, so good in fact that I've taken to smoking a few cigarettes, which on the face of it sounds incredibly stupid, but I look at it as a good thing, and an indicator of how well I'm breathing here. No I won't be smoking back in Oregon, that's a guarantee, but here I can indulge for a few more days before flying out.
Speaking of which, and this came up for me last night, I think the breathing situation is so crucial, and it may be the clinching argument about where to live in the future. It's a huge relief to be breathing easy, to not need medication in order to make it through the day, which is definitely the case in Oregon. So when I weigh the pros and cons about whether to live in Asia or America, the health piece is a major factor. I guess I see myself as a two continent guy for this year, but I could see myself spending more time on this side as the years go by (hopefully)
Another great musical night last night, it seems to be the norm at the CU, and I was on bass and rhythm guitar backing up my friend Apple for the final time. This has been an incredible collaboration and he's one of the greatest guys I've ever played with, a 50 something, long-haired Thai singer/guitarist, extremely nice, generous, lets anyone and everyone jam with him, and we have a great musical rapport. He sings tons of songs, takes requests, has great rhythm and a great voice, plays outstanding lead guitar and is the epitome of a great bar player in this part of the world. I've been his bassist for the past few months so I know most of his repertoire, and he is very appreciative of the support. Here are some of the ones he pulls out and plays frequently:
Country Roads, I walk the Line, Hey Bobby Marley (Manu Chao), Livin' on Tulsa Time, Heart of Gold, Dream, Will the Circle Be Unbroken, Teach Your Children, Swing Low Sweet Chariot, Hey Good Lookin', You Win Again, Jealous Guy and the list goes on and on. It's like I've been in training to be a Farang Bar musician in Thailand, and hey, might as well learn from the best. He is that.... I hope we get to do it again next year.
I have my final appearance tomorrow night and it's been a really good run of gigs. There is a certain 'luck of the draw' component to who shows up at a given time, and you might get a table full of talkers right in front of you, which sucks, but that's just the way it is. The boss has been happy with what I've done over the months, and I imagine there would be a spot for me next year. I'm the only musician who does originals (along with a bunch of covers) and there are a number of people who appreciate the idea of hearing new stuff, so I have filled a good niche in the rotation. And we do lots of swing stuff which is also a unique feature, so it's been good for the bar and good for us.
Bought a ticket for a flight down to Bangkok on Tuesday night, and from there, I'll collect my luggage and go check in for the international flight through Korea and then Seattle. A couple of long layovers are part of the itinerary so it looks kinda hideous at this point, but there's no way around it now. No big thing, just grin and bear it. I plan on having some good reading material and a guitar, so I know how to deal with passing the time in transit.
Having decided that I'm gonna quickly get into Mac World and Garage Band World, I'm feeling less conflicted about being back in the US. After a long period of relative inactivity, I'm ready to dig in and learn something new (and keep going deeper with the music) I'm feeling good about M, not real clingy, not expecting much of anything for the future. I'll certainly be curious about how she handles the upcoming freedom of not having to work 70 hours a week, and I'm hoping she chooses a healthy and happy path for herself. I have a lot of confidence in her, on some level... on other levels, not so much, so we'll just have to see if her better angels are able to rise to the fore. If they are, I'll be wanting to re-establish with her and make some future plans. But it's way too early to tell. Either way, I'm quite content to have given her the opportunity to make a change, no strings attached, and I wish her nothing but the very best. It's all I can do at this point.
Tonight I'll go to ... where else, CU corner for jam night, play some music, hang with the friends, go home, wait for M to show up some time after two am, same same, it's good, I'm gonna miss this place... (and I'll be back)
Speaking of which, and this came up for me last night, I think the breathing situation is so crucial, and it may be the clinching argument about where to live in the future. It's a huge relief to be breathing easy, to not need medication in order to make it through the day, which is definitely the case in Oregon. So when I weigh the pros and cons about whether to live in Asia or America, the health piece is a major factor. I guess I see myself as a two continent guy for this year, but I could see myself spending more time on this side as the years go by (hopefully)
Another great musical night last night, it seems to be the norm at the CU, and I was on bass and rhythm guitar backing up my friend Apple for the final time. This has been an incredible collaboration and he's one of the greatest guys I've ever played with, a 50 something, long-haired Thai singer/guitarist, extremely nice, generous, lets anyone and everyone jam with him, and we have a great musical rapport. He sings tons of songs, takes requests, has great rhythm and a great voice, plays outstanding lead guitar and is the epitome of a great bar player in this part of the world. I've been his bassist for the past few months so I know most of his repertoire, and he is very appreciative of the support. Here are some of the ones he pulls out and plays frequently:
Country Roads, I walk the Line, Hey Bobby Marley (Manu Chao), Livin' on Tulsa Time, Heart of Gold, Dream, Will the Circle Be Unbroken, Teach Your Children, Swing Low Sweet Chariot, Hey Good Lookin', You Win Again, Jealous Guy and the list goes on and on. It's like I've been in training to be a Farang Bar musician in Thailand, and hey, might as well learn from the best. He is that.... I hope we get to do it again next year.
I have my final appearance tomorrow night and it's been a really good run of gigs. There is a certain 'luck of the draw' component to who shows up at a given time, and you might get a table full of talkers right in front of you, which sucks, but that's just the way it is. The boss has been happy with what I've done over the months, and I imagine there would be a spot for me next year. I'm the only musician who does originals (along with a bunch of covers) and there are a number of people who appreciate the idea of hearing new stuff, so I have filled a good niche in the rotation. And we do lots of swing stuff which is also a unique feature, so it's been good for the bar and good for us.
Bought a ticket for a flight down to Bangkok on Tuesday night, and from there, I'll collect my luggage and go check in for the international flight through Korea and then Seattle. A couple of long layovers are part of the itinerary so it looks kinda hideous at this point, but there's no way around it now. No big thing, just grin and bear it. I plan on having some good reading material and a guitar, so I know how to deal with passing the time in transit.
Having decided that I'm gonna quickly get into Mac World and Garage Band World, I'm feeling less conflicted about being back in the US. After a long period of relative inactivity, I'm ready to dig in and learn something new (and keep going deeper with the music) I'm feeling good about M, not real clingy, not expecting much of anything for the future. I'll certainly be curious about how she handles the upcoming freedom of not having to work 70 hours a week, and I'm hoping she chooses a healthy and happy path for herself. I have a lot of confidence in her, on some level... on other levels, not so much, so we'll just have to see if her better angels are able to rise to the fore. If they are, I'll be wanting to re-establish with her and make some future plans. But it's way too early to tell. Either way, I'm quite content to have given her the opportunity to make a change, no strings attached, and I wish her nothing but the very best. It's all I can do at this point.
Tonight I'll go to ... where else, CU corner for jam night, play some music, hang with the friends, go home, wait for M to show up some time after two am, same same, it's good, I'm gonna miss this place... (and I'll be back)
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