Random Facebook humor that I posted over the last year.

I feel bad for this guy I know. He can't spell AND he has a small penis. I'm afraid he suffers from lesdyxia.

Two lazy guys sitting around at the cafe. One says to the other, 'What have you been doing?" "Networking", replies his friend. "Yeah, me neither", says the first guy.

No wonder I'm a lousy weight lifter.
To me, the 'clean and jerk' is counter-intuitive.

What's the point of a period?

Overheard at dance class...
"Squeeze the glutes..... uh your OWN glutes, Rich"

I get a little tired of people bragging on Facebook. I was just thinking about this as I knocked out the NY Times Saturday crossword in ink (20 minutes). Why do people have to always project their best image? I don't get it.

I am cleaning up my friend's list. If you know me and want to stay on my list, uh, stop posing multiple inspirational messages on a daily basis. Share your own thoughts, by all means, but how bout a moratorium on faux spirituality. Just a suggestion.

I wish my lawn was emo...maybe it would cut itself...
(yes I know that's wrong on every level)

If you play my tambourine again, there will be repercussions.

When you read the local crime reports, the perpetrators invariably have these skeevy beards and goatees. I never thought of crappy facial hair as an indicator of criminal behavior, but I'm starting to wonder. Dude, instead of beating up your girlfriend, maybe try shaving instead?

Hey, it's OK to be negative..... (especially at the clinic)

This from a woman friend of mine... 'There was one time I had a bad urinary tract infection and I had to pull of the road in Burns'
Me, 'Wait a minute, I have to write that down'

I love the word 'disingenuous'. It's lawyer-speak for 'lying motherfucker'

I get a lump in my throat when I think about the Flemish Masters

Wow, I have 499 friends. Maybe I'll round it off to a nice even ......498

I think, I jam...Therefore iamb

I like it when people complain about facebook...... on facebook.

'I'm not allergic to poison ivy', he said rashly

Words....

I roam for amor
I adore a roadie
That's a mean name (amen)
Every guerra has an arguer
Silence while I read your license
Marching is not too charming
Carp is crap
Piano o pain
Elvis lives in Levi's
Start the tarts
It's a night thing
There's a beggar in garbage
Family is my fail, apparently.
Much criticism was aimed at the media
Eminem sure serves up the verses
Don't step on the pets, pest!
Best bets..
In brief.... fiber.
He thirsts for t shirts.
‎'Tensile' has a silent 'e'
A user can sure find a ruse
How do you triage a tiger?
Why entrap a parent?
His words are a sword
He's a priest of a different stripe.
He tires of the rites
Shall we cross the stream, master?
That street is a real tester
Narcissism.... man's crisis
Spare pears?
Punks with spunk
It's worth a throw
Earth heart
Stop the post
I wonder why he's such a downer
Knits stink
Marriage.... a grim area
In general, Al Green.
Teas from the East
There is a caveat... we have to vacate.
To forgo or go for, that is the question.
Here lived a devil
That was a lovely volley
She has quite a range of anger
'Dais', I said
I don't mean to snipe, but that penis needs a little spine
You can find 'gerund' under 'g'.
Goddam mad dog!
He took a flier with a rifle.. (now he's a lifer)
Never! The Nerve!
I'm in a trance from that nectar.
It's weird I'm so wired
Where is the hewer?
He sips piss
Tina aint here
I'll tend to the dent
Hard to make a note fade if you're tone deaf
Too much steak is a stake to the heart
Where does desire reside?
A latent talent, I see..
Dance or be caned
Pierce the recipe
No parts?... Strap on!
Strung out grunts in Nam, man
Resist your sister
Wonton?... Not now
Nothing subtle about the bustle of Manhattan
I believe that's an evil bee