If for no other reason than I said I would, I guess I could, and I probably should.
There's a mouthful of innuendo, and it sums up the conflicted and nuanced nature of the artist as a not so young man. I'm not liking myself too much at the moment and I'm loathe to get into why that is so. Fuck all, haven't I been doing that for months now? (he said evasively)
I wish I had a quick fix, a better mix, some new tricks
I think I just got triggered now by accepting a gig which I don't particularly want to do, as it will be an unfocused gathering of too many little kids at some spring carnival in May. But the fucked up thing is not the gig itself, but the terrible fact that I should be delighted to do gigs like this and I would be if..... if.....
If I had the perfect CD to sell after the gig.... the one that has all the songs that they just heard and then mommy can spend $10 and take it home and play it for the little dude at nap time, and Richie can walk away from the gig some $300 richer instead of $75 richer, which is what I'm charging for the half hour.
OK, Glauber, the gig is 6 weeks away. You've already made a start on that CD a couple of years ago at Rob's studio, and if he can pull it up, it wouldn't take all that much to get it done. Get a little artwork together and voila, 'product' that people want. Then you could sell them at your little kid gigs and birthday parties and Family Music Time etc, and all those things would become profitable instead of a hassle. Um, one question, why are you so stupid? (he said smartly). What have you been waiting for?
This is kind of funny because solutions don't usually come when I'm pissed off at myself, but this is one time where it did come in that angry state. And the reason is because I continue to force myself to sit at the computer every day and try to express what is going on inside, even if I'm pissed off and frustrated, even if I have nothing to say, even if there's something in the way.
I do have a lot of pissed off energy coursing through tonight, might be one of those nights to bundle up and take the Dostoevsky walk through the dark town, put on my dark clothes, get out in the mist and be pissed, burn off some energy, hope that it feels better tomorrow. Howl at the moon Aaaaawooooooo
