I've got some really strong energy going lately and it's pushing me towards the creation of a new type of venue. I guess I think of it in terms of 'what is the perfect venue for me to play in (and direct in)? Well, it would be a lot of things, as would most accurately represent the layered life experience we get to participate in circa 2011.
Wouldn't it be great to develop a venue that is about cross-fertilization, rather than separation. I'm interested in Latin Music, in spiritual music, in dance, in group process, in Spanish (and other) languages, in show tunes and classic American Song Book material, in travel, in story telling, in education, musical and otherwise, in harmony, in poetry, and in creativity. I'd like to found a place where I could ply my trade, bring people together, make it funny and live and healing and musical.
So what is the goal really? So far it's about me me me and that doesn't feel complete. What is the public service that I hope to help provide? (note the new and humbler language) (perhaps a bit 'craven' (love that word), but hey, small steps, right?)
Wow it's an interesting thing to really consider, what is the goal? Because my mind went to a place that was more visual than usual. And it was about 'light'. There is a mystical piece and that's what I'm going for. I want to bring some light into the world, and it comes with sound and intention and humor and people playing
together.
Maybe I could try and write an outline for what a gathering might contain. Then fill in the blanks (like a puzzle?) and voila, let's do it. So here goes, and why does it feel like I'm at a major crossroads, and what follows seems very important. Its' got that sense of 'I've been waiting a long time for this' followed by 'don't fuck it up'... but that's just mind games, so... moving on.
So here's the gathering and what do they need?
A true story that touches...
A presentation in another language
Songs to sing together
A chance to connect with people they don't know Yeah, I've got something to say about that. What a great feature that would be. You show up at this thing and there is a structure for meeting new friends. It's pretty easy to do if folks are willing, and yes, they're willing
A dance presentation to live music
A guest artist
So what's the venue? Need to get some intimacy so maybe tables aren't the thing. A church space? The thing feels a little church like to me, at least my spirit would be activated in a setting like this. And what's the name of this thing? A name would help a lot. Come kind of cabaret 'spirit cabaret'?
Back on the Track
Got to get back on the track
In line with what I know
Try to walk down the middle
Let it come and let it go
May you have a gentle road
Good friends along the way
Can I help you carry that load
Where we going anyway?
It's been a long time coming
May be a long time gone
Gonna keep on trying
I know we're gonna carry on
In line with what I know
Try to walk down the middle
Let it come and let it go
May you have a gentle road
Good friends along the way
Can I help you carry that load
Where we going anyway?
It's been a long time coming
May be a long time gone
Gonna keep on trying
I know we're gonna carry on
Can't say I missed the mist
I guess I passed on the past
The sailors were massed at the mast
The cops were bussed to the bust
You can muss my heir, if you must
'Who would have guessed?', said the guest
I confessed at the fest
Got lost in the lust,
Doesn't rhyme but it has a thrust
You like to be trussed, I trust
We've been dissed into the dust
I insist... I've got is sussed
You can muss my hair, if you must
The sailors were massed at the mast
The cops were bussed to the bust
You can muss my heir, if you must
'Who would have guessed?', said the guest
I confessed at the fest
Got lost in the lust,
Doesn't rhyme but it has a thrust
You like to be trussed, I trust
We've been dissed into the dust
I insist... I've got is sussed
You can muss my hair, if you must
Searching for Equilibrium....
Well it's been a few days since I'm back in Eugene, and I guess the transition is going OK, though I'm far from ecstatic to be here. The weather's cold, I'm less than motivated, I miss my girlfriend, and if I wanted to, I could work up a nice little bummer of a depression. But I don't want to. I'd rather sit down and try some writing therapy and attempt to unearth today's truth. (either that or get drunk, which is funny, cause I rarely drink, though I opened a bottle of red wine and am developing a taste for it right about now. just took a multi-vitamin and washed it down with the pinot)
M just called me from the bar, which she's been doing a lot of. She misses me too, obviously, though I'm sure that this near daily communication will shift into something else. I don't want to lead her on in the belief that I'll be hanging out for 8 months waiting until our reconnection; I don't know how I could ever pull that off, what with me checking out every woman who comes into my vision field. Seems like the odds would more favor me meeting someone and doing the dance. But I definitely do not have all the answers about these type of things, and I think she's more on top of it than I am. M's go-to phrase is that 'nothing is perfect', and that's a pretty accurate assessment as far as I can tell. To think otherwise is to court disappointment.
My house is not quite feeling like home yet, as I'm sharing it with Megan, who is a young disabled woman here for the month on an internship at Mobility International. She moved a lot of things around, left some rotting food in the refrigerator, has made the place her own, as she was here for my two month hiatus, but I'm back now, and I want to feel like it's my place again. Time for a little conversation. Also time for me to do some clean up and get the place the way I need it in order to feel comfortable. That's front burner stuff. I need to feel grounded in the space.
That's the difference between being on the road and being at home. Here I feel all these external 'must-do' chores that are hanging over my head. Got to update the website, got to send off CD's to CD Baby, got to get the house cleaned up, got to line up gigs, got to record, got to up the level of my technology, got to create this cabaret scene which is in my head, got to got to got to... And when I don't do those things, or don't make progress, there is a level of self-hating stress that is nipping at my skin. Don't like it.
Well maybe it's time to start with the physical space, make a sweep through the house and find a way to feel good here. OK, can do, that's a plan, make sure you spend at least an hour at it.
M just called me from the bar, which she's been doing a lot of. She misses me too, obviously, though I'm sure that this near daily communication will shift into something else. I don't want to lead her on in the belief that I'll be hanging out for 8 months waiting until our reconnection; I don't know how I could ever pull that off, what with me checking out every woman who comes into my vision field. Seems like the odds would more favor me meeting someone and doing the dance. But I definitely do not have all the answers about these type of things, and I think she's more on top of it than I am. M's go-to phrase is that 'nothing is perfect', and that's a pretty accurate assessment as far as I can tell. To think otherwise is to court disappointment.
My house is not quite feeling like home yet, as I'm sharing it with Megan, who is a young disabled woman here for the month on an internship at Mobility International. She moved a lot of things around, left some rotting food in the refrigerator, has made the place her own, as she was here for my two month hiatus, but I'm back now, and I want to feel like it's my place again. Time for a little conversation. Also time for me to do some clean up and get the place the way I need it in order to feel comfortable. That's front burner stuff. I need to feel grounded in the space.
That's the difference between being on the road and being at home. Here I feel all these external 'must-do' chores that are hanging over my head. Got to update the website, got to send off CD's to CD Baby, got to get the house cleaned up, got to line up gigs, got to record, got to up the level of my technology, got to create this cabaret scene which is in my head, got to got to got to... And when I don't do those things, or don't make progress, there is a level of self-hating stress that is nipping at my skin. Don't like it.
Well maybe it's time to start with the physical space, make a sweep through the house and find a way to feel good here. OK, can do, that's a plan, make sure you spend at least an hour at it.
Stories....
I've had the sneaking suspicion that I'd have nothing to say when I returned to Oregon. I mean, if the past be a guide (and it be), I'd just come back and slip into the media driven fog like I had so many times before. It's mostly summed up in the word 'television' which has been a companion of mine basically forever. And that world creates a kind of person who is basically a dupe.... of advertising, bullshit 'news', celebrity culture, tv dramas, which are nothing more than 'stories' but written by someone else, and also beholden to a western world view that we fuckin' know already, especially when presented in the cutthroat capitalist whore-fest which seems to be the nature of current American television. (Not to be negative, of course)
So how to avoid that pitfall? Well, duh, maybe don't turn the TV on. OK let's try that. (dum de dum, wonder how the Blazers are doing, dum de dum, who's on Colbert?, dum de dum, 'did you hear about Charlie Sheen?') It's endless unless one ends it, so I'll give that a try... or at least (backtracking here) not 'use' tv until I've accomplished some of my own work and creativity. Perhaps they could coexist, but only if I'm being fulfilled on the creative level, which is another way of saying 'on the focus' level. Cause I did have the experience on this trip of forcing myself to sit down and confront some creative challenges.
Inspiration is great, but I wasn't quite so hot on the 'perspiration' part of creation equation. But in Thailand, with no work, no TV, no computer at home, I had many experiences of making the choice to work on creative stuff in a more disciplined way. Wow, have I ever written or thought about the word 'discipline' without immediately recoiling from actually considering to try a more disciplined approach. I don't think so, but this time, it feels right and ready. And the thing that turned me from sneaking suspicion to 'yes I can' was the idea of 'stories'.
Because the idea of 'stories' came up three times today, the first when I was leading the first workshop and I shared the notion that stories are the best way to share values and touch the heart. I shared a story that I wrote about an overly aggressive kid (bully) who learns to 'use his power for good'. Then later, I was talking to my friend Jack, who has read every word that I wrote on the road, and I asked him, 'what did he like about it'. He said, 'stories'. And when I told him that the word struck a chord because I was just talking about stories, he related a scene from a movie in which an idealistic English missionary is going to go to China and open a church and 'just tell a lot of stories' to the people. Stories was her way of connecting with the world. It was the thing that helped us know eachother.
If there were ever an ad for 'raconteur' in the newspaper, I would apply for that job. I'd bring an accordion and a guitar, maybe play their piano and just shoot the bull about people and places and sounds and stories. It's a career to which I aspire. I saw Buster Poindexter (David Johansen's alter ego) do a great muscical ond other performance at the Bottom Line, telling stories over the course of the evening, he had us mesmerized and enjoying. That's the gig I want, and I think I could make something happen along those lines around here.
While traveling, I kept coming back to the notion of starting some kind of 'cabaret' performance space, with me as the emcee and musical director. I could put together evenings of entertainment and culture, inviting talented and interesting guests who can sing, recite, dance, amuse and connect with an audience. It's kind of an old fashioned idea, which would lend itself to some of the Tin Pan Alley stuff that a lot of us love. But there could be space for all kinds of artistic effort. My mind runs into some dead ends about how to make it economically viable, but I'll bet that with enough thought and planning, I could bring something nice to life. Hell I need some kind of venue for all this stuff I've been making up. I imagine that though is at the heart of the 'cabaret' idea.
Just got a great flash that a couple or two of good dancers would add an amazing piece to the performance puzzle. That's part of the dream, I suppose, to weave music and dance back together, where they belong. There are some great dancers in this town and how awesome would it be to have a little venue for them to share their talent... to live, original music.
Another flash about this year's Jello Art Show, which is a local tradition. My Radar Angel friends put it on, and I've performed a bunch there over the years. But I don't really want to rehearse for it, just not satisfying enough at this point, but this year's spoof is about the Lawrence Welk Show, and would be perfect for a cameo performance, which they want from me. Since it's a European theme, I'd love to introduce 'Happy Finnish Girls' which would be a good challenge in ultra PC Eugene. Happy Finnish Girls is a play on words that purports to be a song about content Scandinavian women, but is actually a double entendre take on getting a 'happy finish' massage. I think it's funny and swingin' and perfect for the Jello Art Show. Yep, I'm in, this town needs a little bawdy humor.... badly. And I'm just the guy to do it.... badly.
So how to avoid that pitfall? Well, duh, maybe don't turn the TV on. OK let's try that. (dum de dum, wonder how the Blazers are doing, dum de dum, who's on Colbert?, dum de dum, 'did you hear about Charlie Sheen?') It's endless unless one ends it, so I'll give that a try... or at least (backtracking here) not 'use' tv until I've accomplished some of my own work and creativity. Perhaps they could coexist, but only if I'm being fulfilled on the creative level, which is another way of saying 'on the focus' level. Cause I did have the experience on this trip of forcing myself to sit down and confront some creative challenges.
Inspiration is great, but I wasn't quite so hot on the 'perspiration' part of creation equation. But in Thailand, with no work, no TV, no computer at home, I had many experiences of making the choice to work on creative stuff in a more disciplined way. Wow, have I ever written or thought about the word 'discipline' without immediately recoiling from actually considering to try a more disciplined approach. I don't think so, but this time, it feels right and ready. And the thing that turned me from sneaking suspicion to 'yes I can' was the idea of 'stories'.
Because the idea of 'stories' came up three times today, the first when I was leading the first workshop and I shared the notion that stories are the best way to share values and touch the heart. I shared a story that I wrote about an overly aggressive kid (bully) who learns to 'use his power for good'. Then later, I was talking to my friend Jack, who has read every word that I wrote on the road, and I asked him, 'what did he like about it'. He said, 'stories'. And when I told him that the word struck a chord because I was just talking about stories, he related a scene from a movie in which an idealistic English missionary is going to go to China and open a church and 'just tell a lot of stories' to the people. Stories was her way of connecting with the world. It was the thing that helped us know eachother.
If there were ever an ad for 'raconteur' in the newspaper, I would apply for that job. I'd bring an accordion and a guitar, maybe play their piano and just shoot the bull about people and places and sounds and stories. It's a career to which I aspire. I saw Buster Poindexter (David Johansen's alter ego) do a great muscical ond other performance at the Bottom Line, telling stories over the course of the evening, he had us mesmerized and enjoying. That's the gig I want, and I think I could make something happen along those lines around here.
While traveling, I kept coming back to the notion of starting some kind of 'cabaret' performance space, with me as the emcee and musical director. I could put together evenings of entertainment and culture, inviting talented and interesting guests who can sing, recite, dance, amuse and connect with an audience. It's kind of an old fashioned idea, which would lend itself to some of the Tin Pan Alley stuff that a lot of us love. But there could be space for all kinds of artistic effort. My mind runs into some dead ends about how to make it economically viable, but I'll bet that with enough thought and planning, I could bring something nice to life. Hell I need some kind of venue for all this stuff I've been making up. I imagine that though is at the heart of the 'cabaret' idea.
Just got a great flash that a couple or two of good dancers would add an amazing piece to the performance puzzle. That's part of the dream, I suppose, to weave music and dance back together, where they belong. There are some great dancers in this town and how awesome would it be to have a little venue for them to share their talent... to live, original music.
Another flash about this year's Jello Art Show, which is a local tradition. My Radar Angel friends put it on, and I've performed a bunch there over the years. But I don't really want to rehearse for it, just not satisfying enough at this point, but this year's spoof is about the Lawrence Welk Show, and would be perfect for a cameo performance, which they want from me. Since it's a European theme, I'd love to introduce 'Happy Finnish Girls' which would be a good challenge in ultra PC Eugene. Happy Finnish Girls is a play on words that purports to be a song about content Scandinavian women, but is actually a double entendre take on getting a 'happy finish' massage. I think it's funny and swingin' and perfect for the Jello Art Show. Yep, I'm in, this town needs a little bawdy humor.... badly. And I'm just the guy to do it.... badly.
But what if I don't have anything to say?
Whenever I travel, it seems to bring out the writer in me. I guess I would attribute it to the fact of getting away from 'reality', and finding space to let my mind wander, let my creativity flow. Then I get home, flip on the TV and somehow convince myself that I care about whether or not the Trailblazers win the game, and who's on Colbert tonight? I got the strong hit, this time out that I want it to be different, so might as well start now, eh?
I'm so tired at the moment that my body hurts. I'm tending to cramp up in my legs and calves, my eyes are crinkly, throat a bit sore, and I'm damn happy all the same. The workshops today were about as good as I could have hoped for. I showed up an hour before I was to go on, and found out that they had me scheduled to play at Studio One in the Hult Center, which is a perfect venue for what I wanted to do. The room is the right size, and the tech is good. A bunch of people showed up for each workshop, and the response was great. I pulled it off, and that feels fantastic (in spite of the cramped calves, sore throat etc. I'll get a bunch of work out of these presentations, and I sold 40 CDs, which makes it a payday.
But more than that, it was the idea that I could travel for about 48 hours, not sleep much at all during that time and somehow have the juice to do the work and get the response. I guess I have some pride about that... tired pride, but pride none the less, hopefully the good kind.
And after my second workshop, I hung around to make it through the buffet line, (come on, people, I'm a musician, if there's a free meal to be had...) That way I don't have to go shopping yet, and can put it off until tomorrow. Actually the conference still goes on tomorrow, and with my presenter's badge I can eat then too, and I probably will, thank you very much. It's also good to make those connections with teachers all over the northwest. Wow, culture shock, I'm back home in the rain and cold after steaming in Chiang Mai.
M called me up out of the blue today, what a trip! The timing was perfect as I was waiting on the dessert line, so I stepped outside and had a nice talk with her. She had just finished her shift and was going out for some noodle soup at 3am, while it was midday here in Oregon. I think it's cheap for her to call the states, so that was a surprise. I'll need to do some thinking about how to respond to her from here. I know that she'd like me to promise to return at a certain time, but I'll need a little time and distance to make the right move at this point. To be continued.
My room is a bit of a disaster, but I don't have the energy to deal with it. There is a woman staying here named Megan, who was housesitting for us, and she moved a bunch of my stuff out of the living room into my bedroom so there would be more space for her to operate in her power wheelchair. All good, but I need to sort stuff out, both physically and mentally, and now that the conference is out of the way, there is some time ahead for sorting. and who knows, I may even go food shopping.... (if I have to) Where's the rice soup for a buck that I've been living on for months? I love it.
Well if I'm going to keep writing this blog, I better give myself some interesting things to do, otherwise we'll all be bored. So that will be the plan for now... finding a way to keep the creativity flowing, rather than backsliding into the media bubble. I'll try...
I'm so tired at the moment that my body hurts. I'm tending to cramp up in my legs and calves, my eyes are crinkly, throat a bit sore, and I'm damn happy all the same. The workshops today were about as good as I could have hoped for. I showed up an hour before I was to go on, and found out that they had me scheduled to play at Studio One in the Hult Center, which is a perfect venue for what I wanted to do. The room is the right size, and the tech is good. A bunch of people showed up for each workshop, and the response was great. I pulled it off, and that feels fantastic (in spite of the cramped calves, sore throat etc. I'll get a bunch of work out of these presentations, and I sold 40 CDs, which makes it a payday.
But more than that, it was the idea that I could travel for about 48 hours, not sleep much at all during that time and somehow have the juice to do the work and get the response. I guess I have some pride about that... tired pride, but pride none the less, hopefully the good kind.
And after my second workshop, I hung around to make it through the buffet line, (come on, people, I'm a musician, if there's a free meal to be had...) That way I don't have to go shopping yet, and can put it off until tomorrow. Actually the conference still goes on tomorrow, and with my presenter's badge I can eat then too, and I probably will, thank you very much. It's also good to make those connections with teachers all over the northwest. Wow, culture shock, I'm back home in the rain and cold after steaming in Chiang Mai.
M called me up out of the blue today, what a trip! The timing was perfect as I was waiting on the dessert line, so I stepped outside and had a nice talk with her. She had just finished her shift and was going out for some noodle soup at 3am, while it was midday here in Oregon. I think it's cheap for her to call the states, so that was a surprise. I'll need to do some thinking about how to respond to her from here. I know that she'd like me to promise to return at a certain time, but I'll need a little time and distance to make the right move at this point. To be continued.
My room is a bit of a disaster, but I don't have the energy to deal with it. There is a woman staying here named Megan, who was housesitting for us, and she moved a bunch of my stuff out of the living room into my bedroom so there would be more space for her to operate in her power wheelchair. All good, but I need to sort stuff out, both physically and mentally, and now that the conference is out of the way, there is some time ahead for sorting. and who knows, I may even go food shopping.... (if I have to) Where's the rice soup for a buck that I've been living on for months? I love it.
Well if I'm going to keep writing this blog, I better give myself some interesting things to do, otherwise we'll all be bored. So that will be the plan for now... finding a way to keep the creativity flowing, rather than backsliding into the media bubble. I'll try...
Off to the conference
After about 48 hours in airports and on planes and then driving home through the rain from Portland, I made it back 'home'. Got some sleep, now up and showered and off to play a couple of workshops at the Positive Behavior Support conference at the Hilton Hotel. I don't have a ton of energy, but it's way better than it could have been. I'm here, for starters, so the plan is to find the rooms I'm reforming in, plug in and just let it rip. Planning? Who needs planning? (he said whistling past the graveyard). It's all a big experiment anyhow, so what the hell, just do it.
Could use some coffee, which I'll grab before my performance. Other than that, I'm happy to be here, happy that my car starts and off we go. I've got clothes on that I haven't worn in a couple of months, my black shoes and I'll also wear the lovely purple stone on a woven necklace that M gave me to remember her by. I'm feeling gratitude that I made it home safely and in remarkably good shape, given the times and distances involved. There's likely a big crash ahead later today, but I've got the juice I need to do a couple of 75 minute workshops. And here we go....
Could use some coffee, which I'll grab before my performance. Other than that, I'm happy to be here, happy that my car starts and off we go. I've got clothes on that I haven't worn in a couple of months, my black shoes and I'll also wear the lovely purple stone on a woven necklace that M gave me to remember her by. I'm feeling gratitude that I made it home safely and in remarkably good shape, given the times and distances involved. There's likely a big crash ahead later today, but I've got the juice I need to do a couple of 75 minute workshops. And here we go....
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