I had a disturbing dream in the middle of the night last night. There was a large egg, supposedly a duck egg (though it was at least twice the size of a normal duck egg) and I cracked it intentionally, rendering it unfit to provide the safe haven for an unborn bird. And then looked inside and saw a pathetic dying skinny fowl that had no chance to survive obviously. And the worst part was that it was making a sound, a feeble dying cry... and I was responsible for having killed it. I woke up feeling guilty and disturbed and wondered if it had something to do with my friend's plight and my participation in her demise. M is in a bad state, perhaps hanging on by a thread, and she feels that by me talking about her to others, I've made it worse for her, put her job in jeopardy. I disagree with that assessment, she did that by herself, but if it's her perception, there is weight in that too, so I feel badly that she sees me as someone she can't trust. It's hard to watch someone that you care about flounder badly, and I'm afraid that's what's happening. I aim to be very cautious and considerate from here on out. She's a great person with a grave problem. 'Alcohol is a mean master' is how this guy Tony (former bad alcoholic ) put it. My heart is aching for her.
And now that the song is written and online, I can go ahead and leave it behind and figure out what the next one is, and I believe I've got an idea worth pursuing. It came to me last night in the room as I was thinking about what to sing for 'Ladies Night' in the bar tonight. At a certain point, I want to be able to do my thing, which is make it up on the spot, go live, as it were. So I have this idea to start a l Vl ll V progression a la Heart and Soul in the key of C and then start improvising using the few Thai expressions I know and translating them into English. Once it gets rolling then chances are, the audience gets involved and it becomes that experience which is unpredictable, funny and an invitation for others to chime in. It's an opening, and then it's up to me to shape it, pick out a motif or two to repeat, so as to give it structure, laugh along, elicit participation, have fun. There's something about the Heart and Soul progression that is so familiar to me, ground zero of music, that let's me be able to just make up stuff, words, a speech, a joke etc, while the music plays and people come on along for the ride. I've had a bunch of examples over the course of my life when this was so.
Once I had a gig at the Eugene Celebration Kids Area, and I freakin' forgot my guitar. My friend Rosie dashed off for it while I was up on stage with a piano, thank God. So I started making up a song, 'I forgot my guitar, It can't have gone too far, Rosie went to get it, How could I forget it....' and I did it for like ten minutes, to the amusement of the crowd and myself. It's that progression that is so drilled into my heart from hearing it every time I went to a place with kids and a piano, it's the seed of my musical tree. And not coincidentally, it is the basis for Doo Wop, and if you spice it up a bit, it's the basis for the Tin Pan Alley stuff that I love so well. Just slap a bridge on it and you've got a thousand songs. So I'm gonna use the song 'Let's fall in love' which is a pretty good one for ladies night in Thailand, and then go off from there with expressions like 'I love you' and 'Do you have a wife?' No wife. Mi mia mai, mai mi. (believe it or not, that's how it's said in Thai....) I'll need to prepare some this afternoon in order to pull it off, but that's my plan for the participation part of the evening. And if it doesn't work so well this week, it'll be better next week. Like I mentioned, Jeff wants to build the Tuesday 9pm slot around me; he sees something that will work, and I'm appreciative of the opportunity.
The title of this post is 'Dreams' and it occurs to me that the song 'Dream' also is based on l Vl ll V, so I'll fit that one in also. It's a favorite song at the CU and I believe that it's because I introduced it last year and Dau would always come up and join me on it, to the delight of the customers. Now all the musicians tend to play it and invite Dau to join in, as it's 'her tune'. Nice. Also in the set will be Stand By Me (don't really like that song but I hear from Jeff that the ladies dig it and I can do it pretty well) (based on l Vl ll V, go figure). Hello Goodbye, Wonderful Tonight, All My Lovin (based on l Vl ll V... are you getting the picture about this progression?), and some originals for sure. I'm not quite ready at the moment, but I will be come 9pm. Jeff's thing is that 'it's not really a performance, more background music', but I'm not quite convinced of that, not the way I perceive things anyhow. He talks about liking to see his customers tapping their feet or moving their fingers as the litmus test for whether an act is working, rather than people paying rapt attention to the performer. I agree, but at a certain point, it's good to have the focus, so I'll mess around and see what works and what feels right. (And maybe I'll make about $6 woohoo!)
Today is day three of the 5 day language course, and though I've spent a little time in trying to incorporate some of what I've learned, I haven't done as much as I'd imagined. I'm just not inclined to sit and 'study', but I'm learning stuff, and I have a feeling that in preparing for this song tonight, I'll learn and assimilate more than in any other way. Give something a melody, repeat it a bunch and voila, I've got it. (That's my excuse anyhow, and I'm sticking with it:-)
Yesterday on Facebook, I posted this little anecdote from the Internet place where I hang. :This seven year old kid at the internet cafe was helping me out, looking for the owner when I had a problem etc. Then he's watching me type and he makes the hand signals that he wants to go online too. I give him 10 baht for an hour's usage. He makes the prayer pose to thank me, then gets online next to me. Big mistake :-) He's been playing World of Warcraft and jumping up and down and yelling for the past 50 minutes. (but so freakin' cute)"
Not much more to say at the moment. Time to hit the ATM (have been living quite cheaply here), take a swim, and walk across the old city 2 1/2 miles to my 1pm language class. I could rent a bike, but I do enjoy the walk. Then it'll be nap time and then prep time for tonight's gig. Looks like a good day, the sun is shining, weather pleasant, que mas quieres? What more do you want? I want my friend to be OK.
Tango on....
I couldn't quite locate that Al Pacino speech from 'Scent of a Woman' in which he's talking about tango and says something to the effect of, 'if you make a mistake, you just tango on'. I could find it if I took the time, but I'd rather start writing with that as the starting point. It is a true statement, by the way, because sometimes in tango, it doesn't go as planned, signals get crossed, your partner thinks you're leading one thing, but actually you're going for something different, and it's easy to get crossed up.... That's when you have to gather, and just 'tango on'. I do like the metaphor, as it applies to much beyond tango as well as to the dance itself. I'm gonna find that line so I can quote it correctly next time.
And the reason it came up for me yesterday was because of the timing of a farewell visit with M, followed by a trip to the tango studio in which I got to 'dance it off' as it were. I was supposed to meet M for a 7pm visit last night to have a meal and a conversation. I figured she'd be kind of a wreck, based on the last time I had seen her, and I also had the feeling that she was going to give me some news that would signal the end of our romance. Whether it was another guy or a change of heart or whatever, I got the sense that things were different. And since there was a tango gathering at 6pm, I kinda wanted to hedge my bets a little bit and be able to go ahead and dance rather than miss that opportunity and be told, Uh dude, we're done. So I showed up an hour early.
She was lying in bed with the tv on, looking pretty bad as would befit someone who tied on a big one the night before and didn't get enough sleep. Her message to me was basically, 'Look, if you love me, you have to accept the way I am, you know I drink, you know I smoke, I'll change if I want to change, not because you want me to change'. and she was very angry with me because she knew that I had been talking to some people about my concern for her, and that was 'over the line' she can't trust me etc. She's right, I have been talking about her, and I apologized and asked for her forgiveness. She was OK with that (allegedly) and then we mutually decided that 'OK we're done'. It feels kind of good that she made the call, I'm sure there are layers underneath in which it's my call, but on the surface, I think she gets to save face in some way by being the one who says, 'no more sex, no more sleeping together, we're friends, that's it'. It was pretty clean, no fuss no muss, no tears, and it's clearly the thing that needs to happen.
And me, I got to walk away, go back to my room, drop off my guitar, then walk around the corner to 'tango on'. (with Pacino's speech in my mind)
So I show up at the cafe at 7pm and this older woman who I had met the week before announces 'a man' and starts applauding. Nice entrance, huh? They were short of guys, a few of the women were dancing with one another so I was quite an asset at that point. The stuff that was being covered is beginning level, including the basic 8 step form as well as front and back ochos, and I was able to add a lot to the group, because they're mostly beginners, so a guy who can lead properly is great for the ladies. And I learn too, of course. The teacher is pretty sharp and he's given me feedback both times that makes a lot of sense, so I'm getting a lot out of being there. Even though the steps are easy, dancing tango goes WAY beyond the steps, it's about balance and clarity and intention and communication, all while you're embracing a partner. How awesome to have this little diversion on top of all the other cool things in Chiang Mai. I remember last year that the only negative for me was that I never danced in Thailand. Now I get to dance some, and it's a treat.... and a surprise that it's tango.
That older woman turns out to be a 65 year old Dutch lady named Yudit, but she goes by the name of Ria. She explained that Yudit has been a difficult name for her, expecially in Europe, especially because it means Jewess (basically) and her parents were both survivors from Buchenwald who got married and began a family after the war. So she's got a lot of history and anguish and feeling about the Germans in particular. She told me that her parents said to her, you can marry a Chinese, an African an Australian etc but NOT A GERMAN!. We had a good talk, and she also, God bless her, had brought some home made little spiced hamburger snacks, little mini bursts of tangy beef flavor along with a couple of home made sauces. I had hardly eaten yesterday, and holy crap, they were delicious and plentiful. Thank you Jewish sista!
I'm feeling extremely vain at this point, at least in terms of my physical self. Every time I go by the mirror I check out my physique because I'm just so damn happy to be fit and trim after basically not liking how I looked for the past year. Hopefully I'll get over the fixation before too long, but I confess that I'm enjoying it at the moment. Shallow? undoubtedly. Now if I only had a scale to weigh myself on, my narcissism would be complete. :-) There's a lot to be said for good diet and lots of exercise. I should shoot some promo shots while I'm here at the very least, OK enough about that.
My buddy John is heading off with his fiancee Kui for a two week trip to the states tonight, but he's willing to shoot a video of me singing my newest tune 'Everybody's wrong but you' and put it up on Youtube. We have a date for 1:30 this afternoon and I'm really grateful. As an artist, there is great satisfaction in finishing a work and then putting it out there for whoever wants to check it out. It brings up all the stuff that I'm passionate about, words, melody, composition, performance etc. It's what I do, and in the ephemeral art which is music, there is a lot of pleasure in being able to capture a moment and have it documented. So that's the plan for this afternoon, and if it works, I'll have it up online, hopefully before he goes off tonight. That is a friend... (and I'm really into this tune.... and then once it's documented, I feel like I can go on to the next one.... that seems to be the pattern)
I realize that it's getting repititious for me to say, I love this place, I feel great, I'm operating at a high level, but what the heck, I've had hard times in my life, so now that it's a great time, I want to just enjoy it for all it's worth. So I do. I assume the high doesn't last forever, but while it's happening, uh, I'm gonna drink it in and reflect it as well as I can. No drink, no drugs, just the simple things, reading, writing, singing, dancing, friends, que mas quieres?
And the reason it came up for me yesterday was because of the timing of a farewell visit with M, followed by a trip to the tango studio in which I got to 'dance it off' as it were. I was supposed to meet M for a 7pm visit last night to have a meal and a conversation. I figured she'd be kind of a wreck, based on the last time I had seen her, and I also had the feeling that she was going to give me some news that would signal the end of our romance. Whether it was another guy or a change of heart or whatever, I got the sense that things were different. And since there was a tango gathering at 6pm, I kinda wanted to hedge my bets a little bit and be able to go ahead and dance rather than miss that opportunity and be told, Uh dude, we're done. So I showed up an hour early.
She was lying in bed with the tv on, looking pretty bad as would befit someone who tied on a big one the night before and didn't get enough sleep. Her message to me was basically, 'Look, if you love me, you have to accept the way I am, you know I drink, you know I smoke, I'll change if I want to change, not because you want me to change'. and she was very angry with me because she knew that I had been talking to some people about my concern for her, and that was 'over the line' she can't trust me etc. She's right, I have been talking about her, and I apologized and asked for her forgiveness. She was OK with that (allegedly) and then we mutually decided that 'OK we're done'. It feels kind of good that she made the call, I'm sure there are layers underneath in which it's my call, but on the surface, I think she gets to save face in some way by being the one who says, 'no more sex, no more sleeping together, we're friends, that's it'. It was pretty clean, no fuss no muss, no tears, and it's clearly the thing that needs to happen.
And me, I got to walk away, go back to my room, drop off my guitar, then walk around the corner to 'tango on'. (with Pacino's speech in my mind)
So I show up at the cafe at 7pm and this older woman who I had met the week before announces 'a man' and starts applauding. Nice entrance, huh? They were short of guys, a few of the women were dancing with one another so I was quite an asset at that point. The stuff that was being covered is beginning level, including the basic 8 step form as well as front and back ochos, and I was able to add a lot to the group, because they're mostly beginners, so a guy who can lead properly is great for the ladies. And I learn too, of course. The teacher is pretty sharp and he's given me feedback both times that makes a lot of sense, so I'm getting a lot out of being there. Even though the steps are easy, dancing tango goes WAY beyond the steps, it's about balance and clarity and intention and communication, all while you're embracing a partner. How awesome to have this little diversion on top of all the other cool things in Chiang Mai. I remember last year that the only negative for me was that I never danced in Thailand. Now I get to dance some, and it's a treat.... and a surprise that it's tango.
That older woman turns out to be a 65 year old Dutch lady named Yudit, but she goes by the name of Ria. She explained that Yudit has been a difficult name for her, expecially in Europe, especially because it means Jewess (basically) and her parents were both survivors from Buchenwald who got married and began a family after the war. So she's got a lot of history and anguish and feeling about the Germans in particular. She told me that her parents said to her, you can marry a Chinese, an African an Australian etc but NOT A GERMAN!. We had a good talk, and she also, God bless her, had brought some home made little spiced hamburger snacks, little mini bursts of tangy beef flavor along with a couple of home made sauces. I had hardly eaten yesterday, and holy crap, they were delicious and plentiful. Thank you Jewish sista!
I'm feeling extremely vain at this point, at least in terms of my physical self. Every time I go by the mirror I check out my physique because I'm just so damn happy to be fit and trim after basically not liking how I looked for the past year. Hopefully I'll get over the fixation before too long, but I confess that I'm enjoying it at the moment. Shallow? undoubtedly. Now if I only had a scale to weigh myself on, my narcissism would be complete. :-) There's a lot to be said for good diet and lots of exercise. I should shoot some promo shots while I'm here at the very least, OK enough about that.
My buddy John is heading off with his fiancee Kui for a two week trip to the states tonight, but he's willing to shoot a video of me singing my newest tune 'Everybody's wrong but you' and put it up on Youtube. We have a date for 1:30 this afternoon and I'm really grateful. As an artist, there is great satisfaction in finishing a work and then putting it out there for whoever wants to check it out. It brings up all the stuff that I'm passionate about, words, melody, composition, performance etc. It's what I do, and in the ephemeral art which is music, there is a lot of pleasure in being able to capture a moment and have it documented. So that's the plan for this afternoon, and if it works, I'll have it up online, hopefully before he goes off tonight. That is a friend... (and I'm really into this tune.... and then once it's documented, I feel like I can go on to the next one.... that seems to be the pattern)
I realize that it's getting repititious for me to say, I love this place, I feel great, I'm operating at a high level, but what the heck, I've had hard times in my life, so now that it's a great time, I want to just enjoy it for all it's worth. So I do. I assume the high doesn't last forever, but while it's happening, uh, I'm gonna drink it in and reflect it as well as I can. No drink, no drugs, just the simple things, reading, writing, singing, dancing, friends, que mas quieres?
Can have, water, one, glass please?
Khaaw naam nung kaow khraap. Well we're not in Kansas anymore, not as far as language goes, clearly (or anything else for that matter) and I'm planning on making a more determined effort to get at least a little bit of Thai under my belt. I confess that since my class on Thursday, I've done precious little studying or trying in that area, ('precious little' equals none) except for this morning when I took my handouts to the coffee place and squeezed out a couple of sentences... to the amusement of the workers. But hey, ya gots to start somewhere, and I consider it a good sign. It's a bit funny that with all of the wonderful stuff that's been happening here, this is the first thing that falls into the 'it's too hard, I have ADD, how can I avoid this' place that I've known fairly well over the years. But I'm going to overcome it to some degree and make progress. That's a promise to myself. Just walking over here, with that Thai sentence running over and over through my mind and my mouth is the way to go. It brings back a memory of me walking around Salamanca repeating over and over 'Yo cruzo la calle' (I cross the street), not because it's so hard to remember, but because I needed to train my mouth muscles to get the right sounds. It's like running scales on the piano... no wait a minute, I hate doing scales, I need a better analogy (one that I'll do). OK it's like swimming laps in that delightful little pool at the guest house. Damn, I love that feature of the place; it's truly why I stay here... that and the kindness and humor of the staff, who treat me with great kindness and smiles. It's awesome.
And speaking of the pool, I had a little breakthrough doing laps last night, 'laps' being a bit of a misnomer as how can you do laps in an area that's like 10 meters long? Well one way is to do the breast stroke rather than the crawl, because it's slower and for me, much more difficult. So I start with breast stroke, get myself tired and then switch to a slow crawl as my basic exercise. I intersperse shoulder dips in one corner of the pool, raising and lowering myself as if I were on parallel bars or something, working my arms and triceps. Until last night, I would do about 10 lengths of breast stroke, get a little fatigued and then just give in to crawl and breast stroke trade-offs. Last night as I was nearing the first ten lengths and feeling the 'I'm tired' feeling, I thought to myself, well how far can you go if you don't give in to the easy way out? Can you do fifteeen? or more? a little mind over matter if you will. So I just kept going, did thirty laps that way without switching to the crawl, felt a little fatigue, but had that experience of going past whatever self limiting stuff I'd normally give in to, and enjoying that feeling of going further, getting over myself, would be another way to put it. It was a small thing, but it definitely got my attention.
Also getting my attention was a 6am rapping on my door and M showing up uninvited and wasted 'I'm fucking drunk' is how she put it. 'I'm sorry, you want me to go?' I didn't really know what to do, part of me thinking 'don't show up here drunk, I'm not into that' and then seeing that she was exhausted, vulnerable, and no, I'm not going to kick someone who I care about back on to the street when she came here for shelter or whatever. I had a big burst of compassion which outweighed the judgment and I held her and she cried (which she hates to do in front of me). She probably won't remember it when she wakes up. We haven't spent any time together since our little oasis of connection last weekend, and the only time I see her is while she's working. We had a plan to see one another this evening at 7pm, I guess she just showed up 13 hours early. Oh well. I have a lot of concern for her and I care about her very much.
And I've also had next to no experience dealing with someone with alcohol issues. It doesn't run in our family, it wasn't around the house and the only information that I have is basically from my AA friends. I clearly know that I'm not going to get involved with M beyond friendship... no relationships with a denial drunk for me, but I do want to be a positive for her, so we will see how things develop. The song I wrote based on her behavior feels true, and that was just coursing through my mind as she crawled into bed and fell asleep. She's there now while I'm out doing my thing. I put a 'do not disturb' sign over the handle and now she gets to sleep it off. We'll have some food and conversation later and I will give her the best of me, which is honest and concerned.
I don't have a real long time to write this morning, one hour instead of two, because I have to get back to the guest house and give another music lesson. I gave one yesterday to Dominic and awesome Canadian teacher (retired) who lives here and plays music with his friends. He's pretty good and a natural, but he lacks the foundation that will enable him to really grow as a musician, so I took him through the basics, 'chords in the key of' stuff and the circle of fifths, which is one of the main pathways you need to understand, especially to play that old time music that he loves. I mixed that in with some good guitar tricks, jazz 101 stuff, a few cool substitute chords to spice up one's playing and he loved it. I said 200 baht would be fine (the price of a massage, no happy finish) but he insisted on 300 ($10) and that's a nice little bonus in my economics. (the price of my room and a meal basically). Today, his friend Dave, also an ex teacher, this one from NYC, is coming by for his lesson and I'll do a similar thing, but a more simplified version as he's less experienced. I could totally see teaching music here, it's one of my skills which has a lot of value for people, and I freakin' love doing it and watching to light go on for folks. And I also have a paying gig coming up on Tuesday evening, where Jeff wants me to play for 'Ladies Night' at the bar from 9-10:15 when my buddy Apple shows up. (I'll join him on bass for his set as well). So I need to prepare a bit, asking what kind of songs will go over for that night. A couple of suggestions were Hello Goodbye (Beatles) and "Wonderful tonight" (Clapton). I spent a few minutes getting them into my repertoire and I'll keep adding 'chick music' over the next few days and see what works and what doesn't. Either way, it's a nice opportunity and Jeff wants to build around me for that time slot. Next week and the week after... A good start.
That's it for now, feeling really clean and good and positive...
And speaking of the pool, I had a little breakthrough doing laps last night, 'laps' being a bit of a misnomer as how can you do laps in an area that's like 10 meters long? Well one way is to do the breast stroke rather than the crawl, because it's slower and for me, much more difficult. So I start with breast stroke, get myself tired and then switch to a slow crawl as my basic exercise. I intersperse shoulder dips in one corner of the pool, raising and lowering myself as if I were on parallel bars or something, working my arms and triceps. Until last night, I would do about 10 lengths of breast stroke, get a little fatigued and then just give in to crawl and breast stroke trade-offs. Last night as I was nearing the first ten lengths and feeling the 'I'm tired' feeling, I thought to myself, well how far can you go if you don't give in to the easy way out? Can you do fifteeen? or more? a little mind over matter if you will. So I just kept going, did thirty laps that way without switching to the crawl, felt a little fatigue, but had that experience of going past whatever self limiting stuff I'd normally give in to, and enjoying that feeling of going further, getting over myself, would be another way to put it. It was a small thing, but it definitely got my attention.
Also getting my attention was a 6am rapping on my door and M showing up uninvited and wasted 'I'm fucking drunk' is how she put it. 'I'm sorry, you want me to go?' I didn't really know what to do, part of me thinking 'don't show up here drunk, I'm not into that' and then seeing that she was exhausted, vulnerable, and no, I'm not going to kick someone who I care about back on to the street when she came here for shelter or whatever. I had a big burst of compassion which outweighed the judgment and I held her and she cried (which she hates to do in front of me). She probably won't remember it when she wakes up. We haven't spent any time together since our little oasis of connection last weekend, and the only time I see her is while she's working. We had a plan to see one another this evening at 7pm, I guess she just showed up 13 hours early. Oh well. I have a lot of concern for her and I care about her very much.
And I've also had next to no experience dealing with someone with alcohol issues. It doesn't run in our family, it wasn't around the house and the only information that I have is basically from my AA friends. I clearly know that I'm not going to get involved with M beyond friendship... no relationships with a denial drunk for me, but I do want to be a positive for her, so we will see how things develop. The song I wrote based on her behavior feels true, and that was just coursing through my mind as she crawled into bed and fell asleep. She's there now while I'm out doing my thing. I put a 'do not disturb' sign over the handle and now she gets to sleep it off. We'll have some food and conversation later and I will give her the best of me, which is honest and concerned.
I don't have a real long time to write this morning, one hour instead of two, because I have to get back to the guest house and give another music lesson. I gave one yesterday to Dominic and awesome Canadian teacher (retired) who lives here and plays music with his friends. He's pretty good and a natural, but he lacks the foundation that will enable him to really grow as a musician, so I took him through the basics, 'chords in the key of' stuff and the circle of fifths, which is one of the main pathways you need to understand, especially to play that old time music that he loves. I mixed that in with some good guitar tricks, jazz 101 stuff, a few cool substitute chords to spice up one's playing and he loved it. I said 200 baht would be fine (the price of a massage, no happy finish) but he insisted on 300 ($10) and that's a nice little bonus in my economics. (the price of my room and a meal basically). Today, his friend Dave, also an ex teacher, this one from NYC, is coming by for his lesson and I'll do a similar thing, but a more simplified version as he's less experienced. I could totally see teaching music here, it's one of my skills which has a lot of value for people, and I freakin' love doing it and watching to light go on for folks. And I also have a paying gig coming up on Tuesday evening, where Jeff wants me to play for 'Ladies Night' at the bar from 9-10:15 when my buddy Apple shows up. (I'll join him on bass for his set as well). So I need to prepare a bit, asking what kind of songs will go over for that night. A couple of suggestions were Hello Goodbye (Beatles) and "Wonderful tonight" (Clapton). I spent a few minutes getting them into my repertoire and I'll keep adding 'chick music' over the next few days and see what works and what doesn't. Either way, it's a nice opportunity and Jeff wants to build around me for that time slot. Next week and the week after... A good start.
That's it for now, feeling really clean and good and positive...
Everybody's Wrong But You (a song about denial)
Everybody's wrong but you
No one should talk about anything you do
You think you're strong and under control
But you've been drinking so long
Your bucket's got a hole
The ones who love you have done all they can
Oh man.... you're losing track
Those wasted days are never coming back
It's true.... and everybody's wrong but you
Everybody's wrong but you
No one to blame but 'you know who'
You can have another beer and try to forget
Wash it down with yet another cigarette
You say you're gonna stop, you swear that you can
Oh man..... you're losing your style
No need to try when a simple denial will do
And everybody's wrong but you
Everybody's wrong but you
The other people, they haven't got a clue
Your baby tried, she wanted to stay
Until she found her pride and knew she had to get away
You lost your passion, you lost your plan
Oh man.... you're losing ground
You tumbled down off a merry-go-round or two
And everybody's wrong but you.
No one should talk about anything you do
You think you're strong and under control
But you've been drinking so long
Your bucket's got a hole
The ones who love you have done all they can
Oh man.... you're losing track
Those wasted days are never coming back
It's true.... and everybody's wrong but you
Everybody's wrong but you
No one to blame but 'you know who'
You can have another beer and try to forget
Wash it down with yet another cigarette
You say you're gonna stop, you swear that you can
Oh man..... you're losing your style
No need to try when a simple denial will do
And everybody's wrong but you
Everybody's wrong but you
The other people, they haven't got a clue
Your baby tried, she wanted to stay
Until she found her pride and knew she had to get away
You lost your passion, you lost your plan
Oh man.... you're losing ground
You tumbled down off a merry-go-round or two
And everybody's wrong but you.
Thai Massage
Not enough sleep last night, some 4 hours or less, but I couldn't get back to sleep so what the hell, a nap later in the day will be fine. It's cloudy today in Chiang Mai, looks like rain, and that's fine too... especially when it's about 78 degrees outside. I'm reading the facebook entries from Eugene where it's frozen fog and a chilled populace, and I'm delighted to not be occupying that part of the world in winter. I've done it enough, it has zero appeal... unless you like the color grey.
Once again I have nothing in particular to write about this morning, just going through the motions (he said half in jest), because in my heart of hearts, I know there's plenty to say. Just turn on the tap and see what happens. Let's begin with a little sociological information I got this morning from Noi, who is the owner of the coffee place near my guest house, where I tend to go most mornings. She is probably in her early 50s, vibrant, not beautiful (more on that later), very nice, well-dressed, seemingly fit and has that vibe of being a solid, good person.
I had ordered a cappucino to go, thinking I'd take it down the road to the internet place, but once we got talking, I sat down and continued the conversation. She spent 25 years as a massage girl, beginning when she was 26 and making 1000 baht a week cleaning rooms in a hotel. (I don't know what the conversion rate was then, but it's $30 now, and it was very low wages at the time). One of her older friends asked her if she'd like to change careers, and suggested that she could do massage, and Noi said, 'sure'. The friend asked an older woman if she would train Noi and the woman said yes, for 1000 baht. Noi couldn't afford it and had to decline. Some time later, after the friend intervened, the woman said OK, 500 baht. Noi sold a piece of gold jewelry that she had to raise the money for her education and began a week's training with the woman.
It hurt her hands, her wrists, she wanted to quit, needed a little time off, but eventually finished her training and began earning 3000 baht/month, changing her life. She worked in a bunch of places, hotels, salons etc giving traditional Thai massage, no 'special massage'. At the time, if a hotel found that one of its employees was having sex with a customer, she was immediately fired. Fast forward to today and the situation is reversed. If a woman won't give a 'special massage' she won't get hired for those hotel jobs. Back in the day, Thai massage was an honored art form, but with the influx of many young women from the countryside who come to the cities to earn money, the focus shifted to a more 'sensual' type of experience, and it bacame increasingly difficult to make a living doing traditional massage. Noi estimates that 70 percent of the massages that happen are of the 'special' variety, and of course many of the practitioners are basically untrained in the real thing, so the public has lost an appreciation of what real thai massage can provide. Noi has heard of women getting trained and then working on the very first day of the training. Oy. Eventually Noi decided to get out of the business, it just got to be too much. She hated when the clients would ask for the extras and then be disappointed and bored when she wouldn't comply. Many of her friends who are still plying the trade are quite happy to make the money and the beat goes on. I'm not revealing any great wisdom when I say that sex sells.
Me, I think I've had 5 Thai massages so far. Three of them were straight up massage, the fourth one was the one who, after 5 minutes asked me if I had a girlfriend and did I want her to be my girlfriend. The fifth one 'accidently' strayed over my junk (a few times) and then when I got aroused, offered me some extra service for an additional $10. There are many many parlors up and down Loy Kroh, which is kind of like the reddish lightish district of chiang mai, right around the corner from where I stay, and the women are calling 'Massage Massage as you walk by'. Some of them are blatantly sexual in their approach, reaching out, winking, 'I want to massage you' so I can see why it would be really hard to make a living as a straight masseuse. Ch ch ch ch changes...
The lady boys seem more aggressive this year as well. It turns out the my Guest House is just down the road from a main lady boy pick up spot. At night, 4 or 5 of them are hanging on the street waiting for cars to pull over and make some kind of deal. I have to walk the gauntlet when I come home at night and this year, a couple of the 'girls' are too damn pushy. I don't care if they say something, but don't start following me down the street and don't touch me. I've had to twice get a little bit insistent that 'Don't walk with me!'. Understand, I've got nothing against lady boys, but show some respect... do what you do, but keep your hands to yourself and don't be following anyone who obviously is not interested in your 'art form'. Noi was complaining also, as her place is right on that same corner and sometimes they use her patio as a 'bedroom', moving furniture around and leaving some 'evidence' of their activities. Oy again.
I love thai massage, it's a one hour vacation for your body, and every part gets kneaded, pulled, stretched, worked. First the masseuse washes your feet, then you change into a loose fitting pair of yoga type pants and a lightweight shirt. You lie on a mat on the floor, they pull curtains around you so you're separated from the mats that are to the left and right of you. Then it's an hour of delicious pleasure/pain, OMG I could go for it every day, and I may almost do that, especially at 150-200 baht per session ($5-$7). Noi tells me that I should tip 50 baht or so. I didn't know that, but now I do. Normally, the woman who does the work gets like 40 baht of the 200 you have paid. OK, now I know.
I finished my new song last night and it's a winner, feels true and solid and well written. It took me a period of 24 hours from start to finish and now it's something I'll sing for the rest of my life. What a trip that is! I'm gonna cut this post right here and then begin the next one with the completed lyrics of 'Everybody's wrong but you'.
Once again I have nothing in particular to write about this morning, just going through the motions (he said half in jest), because in my heart of hearts, I know there's plenty to say. Just turn on the tap and see what happens. Let's begin with a little sociological information I got this morning from Noi, who is the owner of the coffee place near my guest house, where I tend to go most mornings. She is probably in her early 50s, vibrant, not beautiful (more on that later), very nice, well-dressed, seemingly fit and has that vibe of being a solid, good person.
I had ordered a cappucino to go, thinking I'd take it down the road to the internet place, but once we got talking, I sat down and continued the conversation. She spent 25 years as a massage girl, beginning when she was 26 and making 1000 baht a week cleaning rooms in a hotel. (I don't know what the conversion rate was then, but it's $30 now, and it was very low wages at the time). One of her older friends asked her if she'd like to change careers, and suggested that she could do massage, and Noi said, 'sure'. The friend asked an older woman if she would train Noi and the woman said yes, for 1000 baht. Noi couldn't afford it and had to decline. Some time later, after the friend intervened, the woman said OK, 500 baht. Noi sold a piece of gold jewelry that she had to raise the money for her education and began a week's training with the woman.
It hurt her hands, her wrists, she wanted to quit, needed a little time off, but eventually finished her training and began earning 3000 baht/month, changing her life. She worked in a bunch of places, hotels, salons etc giving traditional Thai massage, no 'special massage'. At the time, if a hotel found that one of its employees was having sex with a customer, she was immediately fired. Fast forward to today and the situation is reversed. If a woman won't give a 'special massage' she won't get hired for those hotel jobs. Back in the day, Thai massage was an honored art form, but with the influx of many young women from the countryside who come to the cities to earn money, the focus shifted to a more 'sensual' type of experience, and it bacame increasingly difficult to make a living doing traditional massage. Noi estimates that 70 percent of the massages that happen are of the 'special' variety, and of course many of the practitioners are basically untrained in the real thing, so the public has lost an appreciation of what real thai massage can provide. Noi has heard of women getting trained and then working on the very first day of the training. Oy. Eventually Noi decided to get out of the business, it just got to be too much. She hated when the clients would ask for the extras and then be disappointed and bored when she wouldn't comply. Many of her friends who are still plying the trade are quite happy to make the money and the beat goes on. I'm not revealing any great wisdom when I say that sex sells.
Me, I think I've had 5 Thai massages so far. Three of them were straight up massage, the fourth one was the one who, after 5 minutes asked me if I had a girlfriend and did I want her to be my girlfriend. The fifth one 'accidently' strayed over my junk (a few times) and then when I got aroused, offered me some extra service for an additional $10. There are many many parlors up and down Loy Kroh, which is kind of like the reddish lightish district of chiang mai, right around the corner from where I stay, and the women are calling 'Massage Massage as you walk by'. Some of them are blatantly sexual in their approach, reaching out, winking, 'I want to massage you' so I can see why it would be really hard to make a living as a straight masseuse. Ch ch ch ch changes...
The lady boys seem more aggressive this year as well. It turns out the my Guest House is just down the road from a main lady boy pick up spot. At night, 4 or 5 of them are hanging on the street waiting for cars to pull over and make some kind of deal. I have to walk the gauntlet when I come home at night and this year, a couple of the 'girls' are too damn pushy. I don't care if they say something, but don't start following me down the street and don't touch me. I've had to twice get a little bit insistent that 'Don't walk with me!'. Understand, I've got nothing against lady boys, but show some respect... do what you do, but keep your hands to yourself and don't be following anyone who obviously is not interested in your 'art form'. Noi was complaining also, as her place is right on that same corner and sometimes they use her patio as a 'bedroom', moving furniture around and leaving some 'evidence' of their activities. Oy again.
I love thai massage, it's a one hour vacation for your body, and every part gets kneaded, pulled, stretched, worked. First the masseuse washes your feet, then you change into a loose fitting pair of yoga type pants and a lightweight shirt. You lie on a mat on the floor, they pull curtains around you so you're separated from the mats that are to the left and right of you. Then it's an hour of delicious pleasure/pain, OMG I could go for it every day, and I may almost do that, especially at 150-200 baht per session ($5-$7). Noi tells me that I should tip 50 baht or so. I didn't know that, but now I do. Normally, the woman who does the work gets like 40 baht of the 200 you have paid. OK, now I know.
I finished my new song last night and it's a winner, feels true and solid and well written. It took me a period of 24 hours from start to finish and now it's something I'll sing for the rest of my life. What a trip that is! I'm gonna cut this post right here and then begin the next one with the completed lyrics of 'Everybody's wrong but you'.
Alchemy...
Hmm, not quite feeling it this morning yet, the coffee sucks (why did I not realize that they've been serving me nescafe from the place next door, yecch, the milk and sugar can't really hide the awful truth). And then the woman who is on duty at the internet place has the crappy music on too loud and it's bugging me through the headphones, didn't sleep enough last night, let's see, what else can I whine about before I get down to business? Oh hell, that's enough, now where were we?
I had one of those profound moments last evening, in which I got emotionally triggered, then decided to see if I could use that trigger as a starting point for creativity, rather than eating my way out of it, or whatever other coping mechanism. It started at the CU Corner (the local music hangout where M works). She had asked me to do her a favor and go by the pharmacy to pick up some antiseptic and a bandage because she had fallen and scraped herself a couple of days ago, and the scrape on her knee was causing her some pain. (I didn't ask how she had fallen, but I'm guessing it was one of those late night stumbles, if you know what I mean).
So of course I'll help out, and I also swung by my place to pick up some anti-biotic ointment which I always travel with. Got back to the bar and hooked her up with the goods, then talked for awhile with Jeff and Dau (owners) who like me a lot. Good vibes in that place. M is doing her thing, greeting customers, serving drinks and Dau, who is a very positive person is telling me that my friend has been drinking too much, smoking too much (duh!) and she doesn't seem to be able to stop. Dau's tone was different than last year when she was very positive about M, and very into my connection with her. 'Richard, when you coming back? You should live here'. This year it's a more unhappy energy coming from the boss, as if she's been disappointed one too many times and has kinda given up hope for a turnaround. Now a guy walks in who I had seen the other day flirting with M and he sits down alone. Dau whispers to me, 'I don't like that guy, drinks too much, talks too much, something wrong with him'. This is unusual for her to be negative like that, so I paid a little attention. In fact, I had a negative vibe the other day when I saw him, got the feeling he was trying to make his move on M, and even though I've got no claim on anyone (God knows) I still don't like to see it.
After about 10 minutes, M is caught up with her work and grabs her first beer of the evening and goes to join him at the table, offering her beer for a clink toast as she sits down to make conversation. It was 7:15, the beginning of a long night of work and that's how she does it. Dau looks over at me with the raised eyebrow as if to say, 'see what I mean' and I had an extremely negative feeling about it as well, as it sums up in a nutshell the flaw in M's thinking about what her job is in that place. She would say, and did say, 'I have to take care of my customers', and I said, 'No you don't' (I would have added, 'you have to take care of yourself' but I wasn't quick enough, and besides, it wouldn't have gotten through her shell). So it's 7:15 and here's a guy who thinks maybe he has a chance, and here's a waitress with an alcohol problem drinking that first beer out of some misguided idea that it's her job to make her customers comfortable. I had a real sharp jolt of, 'time to get the fuck out of here' and that's what I did, back to my Guest House feeling quite negative.
What to do, what to do? And I had the thought, what if I could turn this feeling into words, into music? Grabbed the guitar and started playing an E minor blues thing a la Robert Cray, a la 'Heard it Thru the Grapevine'. And before too long I had the beginning of the next tune. And more than just a tune, it's a way to process the feelings, honor them, give them voice, say something real, and here's the alchemy part. After a half hour of wrestling with words and chords and feelings, my unhappiness was transformed into something else, knowledge? perspective? wisdom? art? It's a beautiful thing to have a way of dealing with negativity and let it evolve into some kind of truth.
Here's a first draft of what I wrote: (minor blues with a nice little change in the middle.... so it's not SO typical)
Everybody's wrong but you
No one can tell you about anything you do
You think you're so strong and under control
But you've been drinking too long and the bucket has a hole
The ones who love you have done all they can
Oh man, you're losing track
Them wasted days are never coming back
It's true...... and everybody's wrong but you
Everybody's wrong but you
No one's to blame but you know who
You can grab another beer and try to forget
Wash it down with another cigarette
If they could only understand...
Oh man, you're losing ground
You fell off of a merry-go-round
Or two.... and everybody's wrong but you
Needs a third verse which I'll write today. But I've got the ending, which goes:
Man, you've lost your style
No need to try when a simple denial
Will do.... and everybody's wrong but you, Everybody's wrong but you...
It's almost like an anthem for Al Anon, trying to come to grips with the fact that hey, there's nothing for any of us to do when the drinker is stuck in that place. I'm thinking of having the song be about a guy, and of introducing it along the lines of 'I'll bet we all have a friend who is stuck in the bottle, huh?' (of course many of the people in the bar will probably be those 'friends' but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it). And yeah, I have the idea to share that song as part of my set, even though it's maybe the opposite of what a bar song should be. But fuck it, I'm into the truth and it's a good groove, very different from what I normally put out, so hey, consider it a 'change of pace'.
More importantly, I was fortunate enough to do that kind of music therapy on myself and transform the feeling into something that wasn't going to set me in a lousy direction. My mind is quite clear, no drugs, no alcohol, and here's the funny thing. I would always tease my 'gluten free' friends in Eugene who seem obsessed with that concept. I would often say something like, 'I'll have a chocolate chip cookie, extra gluten please'. But here in SE Asia, I eat no bread, no pasta, no wheat to speak of, so far as I know, and son of a gun, I'm breathing perfectly, I'm not needing my asthma inhaler except very occassionally, and this in a polluted city with a bunch of traffic and not the best air quality. Perhaps the joke is on me? I'm gonna try the no gluten approach back in Oregon and see if makes things better back there. It would be amazing if something as simple as that could ameliorate a lifetime of breathing troubles. Vamos a ver...
I asked Jeff if he's got a spot for me to play and make a little cash, and he offered me next Tuesday for a 75 minute set. And I approached this retired NYC math teacher named Dave to see if he'd like me to teach him a bit about music. He's playing some chords and singing, but gets lost when he tries to follow someone else. He's into it, we have a date on Sunday and that's another little gig for me. I want to see about earning a little scratch while I'm here, so this is a step in that direction, even if it's 200 baht ($7) at a time. Just a start.
I had one of those profound moments last evening, in which I got emotionally triggered, then decided to see if I could use that trigger as a starting point for creativity, rather than eating my way out of it, or whatever other coping mechanism. It started at the CU Corner (the local music hangout where M works). She had asked me to do her a favor and go by the pharmacy to pick up some antiseptic and a bandage because she had fallen and scraped herself a couple of days ago, and the scrape on her knee was causing her some pain. (I didn't ask how she had fallen, but I'm guessing it was one of those late night stumbles, if you know what I mean).
So of course I'll help out, and I also swung by my place to pick up some anti-biotic ointment which I always travel with. Got back to the bar and hooked her up with the goods, then talked for awhile with Jeff and Dau (owners) who like me a lot. Good vibes in that place. M is doing her thing, greeting customers, serving drinks and Dau, who is a very positive person is telling me that my friend has been drinking too much, smoking too much (duh!) and she doesn't seem to be able to stop. Dau's tone was different than last year when she was very positive about M, and very into my connection with her. 'Richard, when you coming back? You should live here'. This year it's a more unhappy energy coming from the boss, as if she's been disappointed one too many times and has kinda given up hope for a turnaround. Now a guy walks in who I had seen the other day flirting with M and he sits down alone. Dau whispers to me, 'I don't like that guy, drinks too much, talks too much, something wrong with him'. This is unusual for her to be negative like that, so I paid a little attention. In fact, I had a negative vibe the other day when I saw him, got the feeling he was trying to make his move on M, and even though I've got no claim on anyone (God knows) I still don't like to see it.
After about 10 minutes, M is caught up with her work and grabs her first beer of the evening and goes to join him at the table, offering her beer for a clink toast as she sits down to make conversation. It was 7:15, the beginning of a long night of work and that's how she does it. Dau looks over at me with the raised eyebrow as if to say, 'see what I mean' and I had an extremely negative feeling about it as well, as it sums up in a nutshell the flaw in M's thinking about what her job is in that place. She would say, and did say, 'I have to take care of my customers', and I said, 'No you don't' (I would have added, 'you have to take care of yourself' but I wasn't quick enough, and besides, it wouldn't have gotten through her shell). So it's 7:15 and here's a guy who thinks maybe he has a chance, and here's a waitress with an alcohol problem drinking that first beer out of some misguided idea that it's her job to make her customers comfortable. I had a real sharp jolt of, 'time to get the fuck out of here' and that's what I did, back to my Guest House feeling quite negative.
What to do, what to do? And I had the thought, what if I could turn this feeling into words, into music? Grabbed the guitar and started playing an E minor blues thing a la Robert Cray, a la 'Heard it Thru the Grapevine'. And before too long I had the beginning of the next tune. And more than just a tune, it's a way to process the feelings, honor them, give them voice, say something real, and here's the alchemy part. After a half hour of wrestling with words and chords and feelings, my unhappiness was transformed into something else, knowledge? perspective? wisdom? art? It's a beautiful thing to have a way of dealing with negativity and let it evolve into some kind of truth.
Here's a first draft of what I wrote: (minor blues with a nice little change in the middle.... so it's not SO typical)
Everybody's wrong but you
No one can tell you about anything you do
You think you're so strong and under control
But you've been drinking too long and the bucket has a hole
The ones who love you have done all they can
Oh man, you're losing track
Them wasted days are never coming back
It's true...... and everybody's wrong but you
Everybody's wrong but you
No one's to blame but you know who
You can grab another beer and try to forget
Wash it down with another cigarette
If they could only understand...
Oh man, you're losing ground
You fell off of a merry-go-round
Or two.... and everybody's wrong but you
Needs a third verse which I'll write today. But I've got the ending, which goes:
Man, you've lost your style
No need to try when a simple denial
Will do.... and everybody's wrong but you, Everybody's wrong but you...
It's almost like an anthem for Al Anon, trying to come to grips with the fact that hey, there's nothing for any of us to do when the drinker is stuck in that place. I'm thinking of having the song be about a guy, and of introducing it along the lines of 'I'll bet we all have a friend who is stuck in the bottle, huh?' (of course many of the people in the bar will probably be those 'friends' but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it). And yeah, I have the idea to share that song as part of my set, even though it's maybe the opposite of what a bar song should be. But fuck it, I'm into the truth and it's a good groove, very different from what I normally put out, so hey, consider it a 'change of pace'.
More importantly, I was fortunate enough to do that kind of music therapy on myself and transform the feeling into something that wasn't going to set me in a lousy direction. My mind is quite clear, no drugs, no alcohol, and here's the funny thing. I would always tease my 'gluten free' friends in Eugene who seem obsessed with that concept. I would often say something like, 'I'll have a chocolate chip cookie, extra gluten please'. But here in SE Asia, I eat no bread, no pasta, no wheat to speak of, so far as I know, and son of a gun, I'm breathing perfectly, I'm not needing my asthma inhaler except very occassionally, and this in a polluted city with a bunch of traffic and not the best air quality. Perhaps the joke is on me? I'm gonna try the no gluten approach back in Oregon and see if makes things better back there. It would be amazing if something as simple as that could ameliorate a lifetime of breathing troubles. Vamos a ver...
I asked Jeff if he's got a spot for me to play and make a little cash, and he offered me next Tuesday for a 75 minute set. And I approached this retired NYC math teacher named Dave to see if he'd like me to teach him a bit about music. He's playing some chords and singing, but gets lost when he tries to follow someone else. He's into it, we have a date on Sunday and that's another little gig for me. I want to see about earning a little scratch while I'm here, so this is a step in that direction, even if it's 200 baht ($7) at a time. Just a start.
And if I have nothing to say?
It doesn't really matter, cuz I have it in my head that in the mornings, I grab a coffee and go to the blog to just check in with my insides. Ironic, that I seem to do my best introspection when plugged into a machine, as opposed to yoga or meditation. I don't really know how to meditate, so this will suffice, maybe it's 'extro-spection' seeing the words appear on the screen, within you without you (Beatles reference). Hey whatever works, I trust in the idea of just sitting here and letting it flow... process over product. (and doesn't that about sum up my life thus far, not a lot of product, but plenty of process. No apologies, it is what it is... (to quote an annoying cliche that is overused and true.... because it's a tautology, sabes?)
So let's see, where to begin? I went to a tango gathering last night and damn it was very fun, a small group with about 6 couples in a cafe where they moved the furniture to create a dance floor. It's probably 7 years since I've taken a tango class and I had no shoes, started out in socks until this woman in heels came super close to spearing me, so I decided to go with my walking shoes and forgo the ability to slip slide into the moves. The teachers, he was half chinese and half dutch, she was Japanese, were pretty good and I learned something that I didn't know before.... not a step per se, but a fundamental truth about how to lead. One of the basic moves in tango is the 'ocho' a figure eight movement in which you can guide the woman into these lovely spins, either forward or backward. I've done it for years, but would always get into it in a certain way. But the teacher explained that all you need to do is get your partner on one foot, and then you're in ocho land, there's nothing to it except using my body to invite her this way and that way, that way and this way. I got it, felt it, want to learn some more.
I lost interest in tango in Oregon when it started feeling too serious, or more correctly, when I started feeling like I needed to take a lot of classes in order to keep up with the people who were progressing and busting out all these moves that I couldn't do. My competitive/retreating impulse kicked in and I disappeared, because the reason I like to dance is primarily to have fun, not to get all serious and worried about this step or that step. Last night was the first impulse I've had in awhile that hell, it can still be fun and it's not about the steps (though you need a few), it's more about moving to music, connecting with a partner, going for an improvised stroll around the room. Hmmm, interesting, I may have to do some tango back in Oregon. For the fun of it...
A little kismet the last few days around the new song that I posted called 'He's Got What It Takes'. My friend John is a native New Yorker, he's got a very witty, yet understated streak to him, smart guy, accomplished, great looking 54 year old All American type blond dude, almost like Mickey Mantle without the drinking problem. Anyhow, I got the inspiration to try and craft a song for his party, but the word 'John' is kinda dead and 'Johnny' made it swing. But maybe he hates that name or whatever, so before debuting the song, I pulled him aside and asked 'who calls you Johnny?' He said, believe it or not, that's the name that's on my birth certificate. My mother calls me that and a few old friends too'. Strange.... and also coincidental was the fact that I stuck a little French in the song, 'He's got that 'joie de vivre', believe you me. On the highway to happiness, he's got the key'. He showed me his business card which says "John Fengler... Bon Vivant" to me, that's a riot, that the French ispiration was right on target. He tells me that most people don't even understand the card, but hey, I'm a worldly New Yorker myself. :-)
I've been making music most nights at the CU Corner hangout spot, and I have just a great connection with the number one musician there whose name is Apple. He's a pro, small kind of stocky guy, long hair, probably my age, smiles all the time, walks with a limp and it looks like something he's had since birth. Apple works in a bunch of places around town and Jeff gets him to CU whenever possible. I've been playing bass and singing harmony for him when he shows up, and it's that awesome connection of musicians who now how to communicate, leave space, lock in, agree on endings, what a joy. (now if I could make a few shekels doing it, it would be that much more of a joy, but still, it's a lot of pleasure). Apple is very open to anyone who wants to jam and that means that there are a few wannabees who are dying to play but not very good. But dude keeps smiling, encouraging as if he's got some kind of knowledge that I still lack. I think there's something for me to learn from this guy. In the meantime I'm playing tons of songs that i don't really know, and my reportoire is increasing. And it's fun... (that word again) Seems to be my driving ambition.... fun. (is that the fountain of youth?.... perhaps)
Time to shut it down for now, as I want to spend some time practicing for my Thai class in a few hours. It's a cross-town walk about 40 minutes away, and this time, I'll bring a second shirt because I'll sweat through the first one walking over there, and it's not cool to walk around town shirtless. It would be disrespectful. I could conceivably rent a bicycle as it's not a bad way to get around town. I don't want a scooter, I'd rather use my own power to get from here to there, plus it's money I don't need to spend. I really like being on foot. Ditto for getting a phone. People are telling me I should have one and it's tempting, what with the big social scene I'm part of here, but I'm resisting. Part of the charm for me is to 'not' live like I do in the US. No TV, no car, no phone makes Richie a happy boy, so I'll keep going this way, at least for now.... I'll trade that stuff for a book, a guitar, some Thai massage, a computer to type on and that's enough. It's good...
So let's see, where to begin? I went to a tango gathering last night and damn it was very fun, a small group with about 6 couples in a cafe where they moved the furniture to create a dance floor. It's probably 7 years since I've taken a tango class and I had no shoes, started out in socks until this woman in heels came super close to spearing me, so I decided to go with my walking shoes and forgo the ability to slip slide into the moves. The teachers, he was half chinese and half dutch, she was Japanese, were pretty good and I learned something that I didn't know before.... not a step per se, but a fundamental truth about how to lead. One of the basic moves in tango is the 'ocho' a figure eight movement in which you can guide the woman into these lovely spins, either forward or backward. I've done it for years, but would always get into it in a certain way. But the teacher explained that all you need to do is get your partner on one foot, and then you're in ocho land, there's nothing to it except using my body to invite her this way and that way, that way and this way. I got it, felt it, want to learn some more.
I lost interest in tango in Oregon when it started feeling too serious, or more correctly, when I started feeling like I needed to take a lot of classes in order to keep up with the people who were progressing and busting out all these moves that I couldn't do. My competitive/retreating impulse kicked in and I disappeared, because the reason I like to dance is primarily to have fun, not to get all serious and worried about this step or that step. Last night was the first impulse I've had in awhile that hell, it can still be fun and it's not about the steps (though you need a few), it's more about moving to music, connecting with a partner, going for an improvised stroll around the room. Hmmm, interesting, I may have to do some tango back in Oregon. For the fun of it...
A little kismet the last few days around the new song that I posted called 'He's Got What It Takes'. My friend John is a native New Yorker, he's got a very witty, yet understated streak to him, smart guy, accomplished, great looking 54 year old All American type blond dude, almost like Mickey Mantle without the drinking problem. Anyhow, I got the inspiration to try and craft a song for his party, but the word 'John' is kinda dead and 'Johnny' made it swing. But maybe he hates that name or whatever, so before debuting the song, I pulled him aside and asked 'who calls you Johnny?' He said, believe it or not, that's the name that's on my birth certificate. My mother calls me that and a few old friends too'. Strange.... and also coincidental was the fact that I stuck a little French in the song, 'He's got that 'joie de vivre', believe you me. On the highway to happiness, he's got the key'. He showed me his business card which says "John Fengler... Bon Vivant" to me, that's a riot, that the French ispiration was right on target. He tells me that most people don't even understand the card, but hey, I'm a worldly New Yorker myself. :-)
I've been making music most nights at the CU Corner hangout spot, and I have just a great connection with the number one musician there whose name is Apple. He's a pro, small kind of stocky guy, long hair, probably my age, smiles all the time, walks with a limp and it looks like something he's had since birth. Apple works in a bunch of places around town and Jeff gets him to CU whenever possible. I've been playing bass and singing harmony for him when he shows up, and it's that awesome connection of musicians who now how to communicate, leave space, lock in, agree on endings, what a joy. (now if I could make a few shekels doing it, it would be that much more of a joy, but still, it's a lot of pleasure). Apple is very open to anyone who wants to jam and that means that there are a few wannabees who are dying to play but not very good. But dude keeps smiling, encouraging as if he's got some kind of knowledge that I still lack. I think there's something for me to learn from this guy. In the meantime I'm playing tons of songs that i don't really know, and my reportoire is increasing. And it's fun... (that word again) Seems to be my driving ambition.... fun. (is that the fountain of youth?.... perhaps)
Time to shut it down for now, as I want to spend some time practicing for my Thai class in a few hours. It's a cross-town walk about 40 minutes away, and this time, I'll bring a second shirt because I'll sweat through the first one walking over there, and it's not cool to walk around town shirtless. It would be disrespectful. I could conceivably rent a bicycle as it's not a bad way to get around town. I don't want a scooter, I'd rather use my own power to get from here to there, plus it's money I don't need to spend. I really like being on foot. Ditto for getting a phone. People are telling me I should have one and it's tempting, what with the big social scene I'm part of here, but I'm resisting. Part of the charm for me is to 'not' live like I do in the US. No TV, no car, no phone makes Richie a happy boy, so I'll keep going this way, at least for now.... I'll trade that stuff for a book, a guitar, some Thai massage, a computer to type on and that's enough. It's good...
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