I seem to have hit a crossroads (again), have been feeling stuck, unmotivated, judgmental about myself and others, and it came to a head last night around 1am at the CU Corner... I found myself getting triggered again by M's nearly constant beer and a cigarette stance, sometimes it doesn't bother me, sometimes it's intolerable to see and that was my experience last night... I could list all of the things that piss me off about it, which I've done enough of for fuck's sake, and even though it's likely more about me than about her, sometimes I just get pissed off about it.
One of the things I haven't mentioned is that I have this fear that when I leave, when she's off of her best behavior, she'll slip back into the place she was at last year, drinking at work, then going off to drink with her friends afterward, coming home as the sun comes up, calling me at that time with the world weary, drunk-dialing glaze that I wasn't really happy to hear day after day. Just another reason for me to get out while I can, and I'm feeling it pretty strongly today, that plus the fact that damn, there are a lot of women around here, both Thai and travelers, and if I 'didn't have a girlfriend' there would be many opportunities for 'adventure'. Especially as compared to Eugene, which is something of a freakin' desert when it comes to age-appropriate females with whom to interact. So there's that too, and that one is definitely about me.
And I've been at this juncture before with M, sure that it's done, only to turn around the next day and want to see her, love her etc. ride the rollercoaster, though at this moment, not so much. But like I say, I've been down this path too many times to take my momentary reluctance very seriously. And yes, I'm fucking bored with this reprise also. (editor's note, when I use the word 'fucking', it's a way to express the frustration I'm feeling, mostly with myself)
And I've been quite stale on the creative front, lost my rhythm, a little of my fitness, thanks to a sore back, and a lot of my mojo. It's as though I'm testing out the oft written fact that when I'm creative, I'm happy, and when I'm not, um not so happy, just maintaining. So I've come back to the internet cafe, which I seem to have been avoiding, and am here to try and dig in again, see what I can find. What I'm finding at the moment is an irregular heart beat, some kind of flutter, maybe that second cappuccino wasn't necessary? Like those people who 'can't handle coffee.... it just wires me up', they say, that hasn't been my experience. I'm more along the lines of '3 billion people can't be wrong'. But I have a little flutter going, or at least I did three sentences ago... looks like I survived it, gracias a dios.
I wrote the word 'twist' as the title of this post, because last night I went back to the guest house, hung out late night with my buddy Harris and he twisted one up and we stood on the veranda and took in the scene, ended up playing some music, which turned into basically a music lesson from me, can't help it sometimes, but before that, just as the reality started to shift, we were talking about song-writing and agreed that there's nothing new under the sun; you have to enter somewhere and hopefully add your own little twist that makes it interesting, original and worth pursuing. That's pretty much how I describe my process, the music is familiar, it makes sense, and hopefully there's some turn of phrase, some unexpected verbal or harmonic twist that adds that little whimsy and makes it artistic.
And where does the twist come from? That's what is the delightful part, it ofen seems to come from somewhere outside, somewhere divine, somewhere deeper than the norm. It's kind of like praying, or my version of it, my mind goes into some kind of altered state, some kind of meditation or channeling, my receptors are as wide open as I can make them, and then I just search inwardly, let images come, let words come, follow them where they lead. I've had the image of twin rolodexes spinning opposite one another, like a Virginia Reel, where every word in one gets introduced to every word in the other one and sometimes there is a little recognition of some kind of funny relationship between the two. I think this is where my humor writing comes from, that process of the rolodexes spinning and generating relationships. I'll think of a word that has humor potential and I spin it to see what latches on. It's how my mind works. Little spinning word processor...
So I was frustrated last night, and when the word 'twist' entered the conversation, that little bell went off that said, 'Wow, now there's an interesting concept to ponder.... twist....' and right away that little section of brain starts turning that word over and over, twisting it, ya might say. I filed that thought away for a possible foray, maybe today, and I can feel my brain want to create.... away foray today (OK?). And now it's today, so I figure I'll just see where twist goes...
First stop is 'the twist' and Chubby Checker and I found myself feeling sorry for him, having to sing that fuckin song for 50 years, but as Harris said, 'it's better than working in the Walmart in Fremont, California, and yeah, there's that. I do remember Rosie's father Everett talking about how he used to lead the social dancing and 'play party' activities at his church in the 50s until 'The twist came along and ruined everything' For him it signalled the beginning of people just doing their own thing and not connecting with a partner or the group.
And a few years later came Twist and Shout, at least the Beatles version of it, which was the coolest thing ever to my ten year old heart and mind. I still love that version, John Lennon's vocal is one of the all time great versions... even if it wrecked his voice for a few weeks (which it did).
But why is the concept of the twist so compelling... not the lame dance, but the idea of stepping off into uncharted territory, getting off the predictable and boring 'consensually agreed upon' reality and finding something in the shadows, something dangerous, something unholy, something twisted... rhymes with tryst. Lot of good rhymes actually, fist missed pissed dissed kissed list gist grist, twist of lemon, twisted sister, twist one up, never the twain shall meet betwixt and between... I'm gonna meditate on this as I go about my day, looking for some kind of twist in my reality, find a change of pace and a change of purpose....
Breadcrumbs...
Can't see my shadow, I'm stuck in the light
All the hidden meanings, for now they're out of sight
Might get a little boring, but maybe that's alright
Can't see my shadow, I'm stuck in the light
Bigger than a breadbox, and just about as stale
Hansel said to Gretel, we'd better leave a trail
The birds, they had another plan, looks like an epic fail
Bigger than a breadbox, and just about as stale
Have you seen the rapture, I think it passed me by
And the wells of inspiration, they seem to have gone dry
That symphony of passion became a lullaby
Have you seen the rapture, I think it passed me by
All the hidden meanings, for now they're out of sight
Might get a little boring, but maybe that's alright
Can't see my shadow, I'm stuck in the light
Bigger than a breadbox, and just about as stale
Hansel said to Gretel, we'd better leave a trail
The birds, they had another plan, looks like an epic fail
Bigger than a breadbox, and just about as stale
Have you seen the rapture, I think it passed me by
And the wells of inspiration, they seem to have gone dry
That symphony of passion became a lullaby
Have you seen the rapture, I think it passed me by
Acupuncture ahead
Yeah, there is something up with my back, and it's time for some treatment, so my friend J walked my by this Chinese medicine clinic and I set up an appointment for tomorrow. Seems like quite a happening place, plenty of clientele, a professional approach and I'm looking forward to tomorrow morning at 10 when I have my intake and evaluation, followed by a treatment at 10:30. Cost for the evaluation is $7 and then another $17 for the actual needlework. Wowie, big spender, but I think it will be a learning experience if nothing else. And some relief would be good, I'm feeling fairly low energy due to the drain of discomfort and ache. No sympathy needed, of course.
But it is interesting to note, as I did today, the aches and pains of the aging Farang population; it seems like everyone has something, bad back, headaches, locked up shoulder, neck problems. I was goofing because we can start to sound like the old timers down in Boca, talking about their most recent operation (and the one to come). Me, I've been remarkably pain free over the years, and that can keep a guy youthful... that and dancing, which I haven't really been doing here. I made it to tango a bunch of times, but for some reason, it brings up a part of me that is self critical and wanting to exit. Just too much to know and too easy to feel intimidated when I see great dancers. 'Why would that woman want to dance with me after dancing with him?'. Tonight is tango night, and I've found a reason or two to miss it, which will likely signal the end of this particular chapter of the dance. Or not...
M is all loving these days, it's nice. She is wanting to lose some weight now as her clothes aren't fitting the way she wants them to. She's been chunking out a bit, so it will be interesting to see how she goes about dealing with that. Um, might I suggest that 5 beers a night is not great for the waist line? OK never mind. yeah, her diet isn't great, and after her shift, she is starving, and a little buzzed, which I think affects what she buys to eat. Dow goofs on her for the immense plastic bag that she fills with food after work. But today she ate fruit in the afternoon, and for the first time she says that she wants to lose some weight. Vamos a ver. I'm still attracted to her, but I'm curious as to how she will deal with her food intake.... just one of the many questions, eh?
Taught a great lesson today with a very capable beginner student, a fifty something Swiss woman who is way into learning, and talented. So she got 'House of the Rising Sun' and Dream, both of which she knows in French, so she's a happy camper, and motivated. Makes me feel like a good teacher, as opposed to some of the students who have a lot of trouble with the simplest things. So where I might want to say, 'Uh, perhaps knitting would be more up your alley', I persevere and try to find something they can succeed at, try to find some way to get their hands to do what needs doing. (and the $10 comes in handy, sabes?) Three gigs this week, as Jeff went for the idea of me and my guys filling in the Saturday slot as well as Tuesday and Friday. There is a German guy, Joe, who will eventually take that slot when his buddy shows up in town, but for the next couple of weeks, we'll be three evenings a week. Nice. And I broke in the song, 'Bang on the Drum All Day', which came off really well, got the whole place shaking shakers and banging out the rhythm.
February 1st today, my last full month in Asia during this go-round. (and it's a short one). I have felt the first stirrings of 'oh no, I don't want to leave' which seems to be a common occurrence for my peers, and for me, all the more so because I did this last year, and not too well, feeling that I never really arrived back in Oregon, missed my girlfriend, missed the sun and the friends and the food and the life here. I'll be looking for a different strategy this time round, but I'm definitely worried about the re-entry. But not today.
But it is interesting to note, as I did today, the aches and pains of the aging Farang population; it seems like everyone has something, bad back, headaches, locked up shoulder, neck problems. I was goofing because we can start to sound like the old timers down in Boca, talking about their most recent operation (and the one to come). Me, I've been remarkably pain free over the years, and that can keep a guy youthful... that and dancing, which I haven't really been doing here. I made it to tango a bunch of times, but for some reason, it brings up a part of me that is self critical and wanting to exit. Just too much to know and too easy to feel intimidated when I see great dancers. 'Why would that woman want to dance with me after dancing with him?'. Tonight is tango night, and I've found a reason or two to miss it, which will likely signal the end of this particular chapter of the dance. Or not...
M is all loving these days, it's nice. She is wanting to lose some weight now as her clothes aren't fitting the way she wants them to. She's been chunking out a bit, so it will be interesting to see how she goes about dealing with that. Um, might I suggest that 5 beers a night is not great for the waist line? OK never mind. yeah, her diet isn't great, and after her shift, she is starving, and a little buzzed, which I think affects what she buys to eat. Dow goofs on her for the immense plastic bag that she fills with food after work. But today she ate fruit in the afternoon, and for the first time she says that she wants to lose some weight. Vamos a ver. I'm still attracted to her, but I'm curious as to how she will deal with her food intake.... just one of the many questions, eh?
Taught a great lesson today with a very capable beginner student, a fifty something Swiss woman who is way into learning, and talented. So she got 'House of the Rising Sun' and Dream, both of which she knows in French, so she's a happy camper, and motivated. Makes me feel like a good teacher, as opposed to some of the students who have a lot of trouble with the simplest things. So where I might want to say, 'Uh, perhaps knitting would be more up your alley', I persevere and try to find something they can succeed at, try to find some way to get their hands to do what needs doing. (and the $10 comes in handy, sabes?) Three gigs this week, as Jeff went for the idea of me and my guys filling in the Saturday slot as well as Tuesday and Friday. There is a German guy, Joe, who will eventually take that slot when his buddy shows up in town, but for the next couple of weeks, we'll be three evenings a week. Nice. And I broke in the song, 'Bang on the Drum All Day', which came off really well, got the whole place shaking shakers and banging out the rhythm.
February 1st today, my last full month in Asia during this go-round. (and it's a short one). I have felt the first stirrings of 'oh no, I don't want to leave' which seems to be a common occurrence for my peers, and for me, all the more so because I did this last year, and not too well, feeling that I never really arrived back in Oregon, missed my girlfriend, missed the sun and the friends and the food and the life here. I'll be looking for a different strategy this time round, but I'm definitely worried about the re-entry. But not today.
Early morning in north central Thailand...
I just have a few minutes here at the guest house internet station to check in with the blog, before going and waking up M so she can shower, eat something and then join me on the 5 hour trip back to Chiang Mai. Me, I'm showered, cappuccino'd, dressed and into my day (though I do need to pack my pack and make a 'meditation' stop before boarding the bus. 'Meditation' is code for uh, oh never mind, I have to make a meditation stop, OK?
We had a great little sojourn together, lots of quality time, closeness, one hiccup along the way that was short lived, but a wonderful window out of Chiang Mai nonetheless. Sukothai is an ancient kingdom and Buddhist center in north central Thailand, a Unesco 'World Heritage Sight' because of spectacular temple ruins over a tract of several square miles. We got rolling early yesterday, rented bicycles for a dollar a day and started exploring.
It took us a little while to find a tourism rhythm with one another, she is pretty independent and I felt a little bit powerless as she was snapping a bunch of pictures, not really communicating, kinda doing her own thing... which is cool with me, but just say something like, 'I want to take a bunch of pictures' rather than just go off and leave me hanging... It's a communication thing mostly. So I said something about it, which she took badly and we had our hiccup, her bumming out, getting that look in her eye, the unhappy 'what's the use' one. Then she'll say something like, 'Fine, I'll follow you, whatever you want', (as if that's what I wanted, which it isn't). We ended up sitting down, in front of a little pond, she unhappy, 'I don't know what to do' and she started crying, which is very unusual for her to let it go like that. And I immediately held her and opened up my heart, and that was the end of the struggle. Something got released, the energy moved and we had a wonderful day from that moment on....
We tagged along with a couple of tour groups, learning some stuff, we rode to 'the Big Buddha', a 50 foot high statue in a temple a couple of miles away from the main area, where we got on our knees and prayed. It was part of the plan for this trip south... pray at the Big Buddha. We took pictures, spent about 5 hours in tourism mode, bought some souveniers, but mostly just enjoyed being boyfriend, girlfriend on the road. We had a nice meal for dinner, Tom Kha Gai soup, papays salad, mixed vegetables, ate some great home made ice cream, had some more food later, no beers, just a cigarette or two, so pretty healthy living... I guess the best part was getting to spend a full day together with no 'I have to go to work' pressure as part of the mix. She's happy as am I. But of course, now it's time to go back to work, after a 5 hour bus trip north. I have a student at 4 and a gig at 9. She's got her 'ladies night' shift beginning at 4:30. But for a brief spell, we get to just hang out and enjoy life. Which we did...
We had a great little sojourn together, lots of quality time, closeness, one hiccup along the way that was short lived, but a wonderful window out of Chiang Mai nonetheless. Sukothai is an ancient kingdom and Buddhist center in north central Thailand, a Unesco 'World Heritage Sight' because of spectacular temple ruins over a tract of several square miles. We got rolling early yesterday, rented bicycles for a dollar a day and started exploring.
It took us a little while to find a tourism rhythm with one another, she is pretty independent and I felt a little bit powerless as she was snapping a bunch of pictures, not really communicating, kinda doing her own thing... which is cool with me, but just say something like, 'I want to take a bunch of pictures' rather than just go off and leave me hanging... It's a communication thing mostly. So I said something about it, which she took badly and we had our hiccup, her bumming out, getting that look in her eye, the unhappy 'what's the use' one. Then she'll say something like, 'Fine, I'll follow you, whatever you want', (as if that's what I wanted, which it isn't). We ended up sitting down, in front of a little pond, she unhappy, 'I don't know what to do' and she started crying, which is very unusual for her to let it go like that. And I immediately held her and opened up my heart, and that was the end of the struggle. Something got released, the energy moved and we had a wonderful day from that moment on....
We tagged along with a couple of tour groups, learning some stuff, we rode to 'the Big Buddha', a 50 foot high statue in a temple a couple of miles away from the main area, where we got on our knees and prayed. It was part of the plan for this trip south... pray at the Big Buddha. We took pictures, spent about 5 hours in tourism mode, bought some souveniers, but mostly just enjoyed being boyfriend, girlfriend on the road. We had a nice meal for dinner, Tom Kha Gai soup, papays salad, mixed vegetables, ate some great home made ice cream, had some more food later, no beers, just a cigarette or two, so pretty healthy living... I guess the best part was getting to spend a full day together with no 'I have to go to work' pressure as part of the mix. She's happy as am I. But of course, now it's time to go back to work, after a 5 hour bus trip north. I have a student at 4 and a gig at 9. She's got her 'ladies night' shift beginning at 4:30. But for a brief spell, we get to just hang out and enjoy life. Which we did...
On the Road Again....
Five hour bus ride south to Sukhothai, world heritage sight, ruins from the 13th Century that are accessed on a mellow bike ride through what looks like parkland. We found a nice clean guest house for $10, are ready to call it a day and then rent bikes in the morning. Really nice to be on the road with M, it's a wonderful change of pace.
Had some street food for dinner as there are many booths along the side of the road where the largely Thai clientele get their 'take away' (rather than 'to go'). There are some Farang here but a small percentile, and it's nice to be traveling with a Thai woman, letting her do the negotiations, me basically hanging out with not a huge opinion on most things (as if)
I'll write more after tomorrows sightseeing. Feels like time to crash out after not enough sleep last night. But on the topic, and yes, I know that I've written about numerous 'best nights ever' at the CU Corner, but last night was the best night ever. I had heard about this Russian guy, Vladimir (nickname Vova), but had never met him. He's a slight, slender, ratty bearded looking guy, looks around 26, turns out he's in his mid-40s, and a nice musician. He came to play with Apple last night, as did I, as did Mad Mike, a 50 something American living in Denmark who blows great harmonica and sings well. Vova got down the electric guitar off the wall and we were a smoking quartet.
I know Apple's material and arrangements by now, so that lets me really cut loose and jam on the bass, and with three other pro-caliber players to bounce off of, it was amazingly fun. We drew an enthusiastic crowd who hung out til Jeff pulled the plug at 1am. My friend Michael was in the audience and he said it looked like I was 'ecstatic'. That's about right, we were cooking, great dance music though it's not a venue for dancing.... A nice way to leave town with that in my memory...
More later
Had some street food for dinner as there are many booths along the side of the road where the largely Thai clientele get their 'take away' (rather than 'to go'). There are some Farang here but a small percentile, and it's nice to be traveling with a Thai woman, letting her do the negotiations, me basically hanging out with not a huge opinion on most things (as if)
I'll write more after tomorrows sightseeing. Feels like time to crash out after not enough sleep last night. But on the topic, and yes, I know that I've written about numerous 'best nights ever' at the CU Corner, but last night was the best night ever. I had heard about this Russian guy, Vladimir (nickname Vova), but had never met him. He's a slight, slender, ratty bearded looking guy, looks around 26, turns out he's in his mid-40s, and a nice musician. He came to play with Apple last night, as did I, as did Mad Mike, a 50 something American living in Denmark who blows great harmonica and sings well. Vova got down the electric guitar off the wall and we were a smoking quartet.
I know Apple's material and arrangements by now, so that lets me really cut loose and jam on the bass, and with three other pro-caliber players to bounce off of, it was amazingly fun. We drew an enthusiastic crowd who hung out til Jeff pulled the plug at 1am. My friend Michael was in the audience and he said it looked like I was 'ecstatic'. That's about right, we were cooking, great dance music though it's not a venue for dancing.... A nice way to leave town with that in my memory...
More later
Under the table... (teaching, not drinking)
I taught three students today at the Guest House, each one different, a nice way to spend a few hours by the pool. Dave (65 from USA, living in Thailand) is working on writing a song, and he needed some ideas for how to open it up a bit and get away from just three chords. I gave him a bunch of possibilities to mess around with; here's how you could use the relative minor, here's what it would sound like to go to the lll chord minor a la 'Suzanne takes you down...', here's what you could do with the flat V11 chord to the 1Vchord to the 1chord, here's how it could sound if you use the minor 1V chord to resolve back home a la In My Life (Beatles) Stuff like that and he ate it up. If you don't know it, it's like, 'WOW'. If you do know it, it's standard issue songwriting, but someone needs to turn you onto it, and then you know... Dominic (62 from Canada, now living here) is a pretty good player who likes that old time stuff, but isn't yet comfortable with the use of the diminished chord, so I gave him two songs to work on: Paper Moon and Cheek to Cheek, both great songs with fairly challenging progressions, but stuff he can handle. He loved it and can't wait to go home and get comfortable with the material. Clo (25 from France, living in Scotland) is a beginner who is starting to finger pick and is very motivated to be a guitar player. It's great to work with different people and to get the equivalent of 3 days pay for a few hours by the pool. Crazy.
Pretty good night gigging in the bar last night, best song turned out to be 'Up on Cripple Creek' by the Band, as some guys stepped forward to belt out some harmonies and we got pretty funky with it. I'm also loving 'You Don't Know Me' which also sounded great. 'Talent Show' is part of the set as well, digging that song. Bhang Lassie gets a great response every time as well. Jeff has us playing the early part of the night, which is fine, but the stuff we're doing is way more interesting and swinging than what comes after, but hey, it doesn't matter, happy to have the gigs.
M and I had a really nice day today, including getting up early to go and get bus tickets for tomorrow's 5 hour ride to Sukhothai. Then we came back, she slept, I taught, had a little visit in the middle of the afternoon, some food, coffee and off she goes to work. Such is the rhythm. I'll be in the bar late tonight playing bass for Apple's set, then get out of there by 1am to get some sleep. She'll follow when her shift ends around 3am, get some sleep and we'll be on a bus at 12:45 pm heading south. Looking forward to something different.
Back still bothering me periodically, and I realize it has something to do with playing guitar, it's putting some kind of stress there when I play, so I'll need to get that figured out (as well as massaged). I'm getting more massages during this period of time than I've had in the rest of my life to date, and that is clearly one of the perks of living here. It's a beautiful thing, and hey, if I can help the local economy, it would be selfish of me to refuse, right?
Well it's 6:30pm, beginning to get dark, the weather is perfect (again) it's great to be in northern Thailand. And off we go....
Pretty good night gigging in the bar last night, best song turned out to be 'Up on Cripple Creek' by the Band, as some guys stepped forward to belt out some harmonies and we got pretty funky with it. I'm also loving 'You Don't Know Me' which also sounded great. 'Talent Show' is part of the set as well, digging that song. Bhang Lassie gets a great response every time as well. Jeff has us playing the early part of the night, which is fine, but the stuff we're doing is way more interesting and swinging than what comes after, but hey, it doesn't matter, happy to have the gigs.
M and I had a really nice day today, including getting up early to go and get bus tickets for tomorrow's 5 hour ride to Sukhothai. Then we came back, she slept, I taught, had a little visit in the middle of the afternoon, some food, coffee and off she goes to work. Such is the rhythm. I'll be in the bar late tonight playing bass for Apple's set, then get out of there by 1am to get some sleep. She'll follow when her shift ends around 3am, get some sleep and we'll be on a bus at 12:45 pm heading south. Looking forward to something different.
Back still bothering me periodically, and I realize it has something to do with playing guitar, it's putting some kind of stress there when I play, so I'll need to get that figured out (as well as massaged). I'm getting more massages during this period of time than I've had in the rest of my life to date, and that is clearly one of the perks of living here. It's a beautiful thing, and hey, if I can help the local economy, it would be selfish of me to refuse, right?
Well it's 6:30pm, beginning to get dark, the weather is perfect (again) it's great to be in northern Thailand. And off we go....
Immigration situation....
Well, it was time to make a decision or two, since my two month stay was coming to an end in a couple of days. The options were to leave the country, or go to immigration here in Chiang Mai and apply for a one month extension. I was kinda waiting to see where things were at between M and I, as she is a large part of the story for me here. And once again, we found it within us to stay with it, in this case it was her making a move in my direction, which apparently is unusual for her. She said,'I never do this', referring to the idea that once things go south for her, that's it, she's gone. And I've had the same reaction over the weeks and months, surprising myself by wanting to go back for more. Is it maturity or co-dependence? (discuss...) Probably a little bit of both actually....
I got a good tip from an AA friend of mine who saw my behavior in the previous post as classic Al Anon material. He said that one of the things you learn in Al Anon is to never get between an alcoholic and the alcohol, which is exactly what I was doing. (If you love me, you won't have that next beer). Somehow I knew it was a losing philosophy, but whatever ego or self-importance or need I had seemed to win out... with predictable results. Once again I see that when I want to make it all about her, it's often all about me. (the pot called the kettle metal). And M lied when put in that situation, but the fault was not only hers.
So live and learn, and there is a lot of both going on these days. I still think it's worth the investment of time and energy to be here, to be part of this scene, teaching students, playing gigs, working stuff out with M, experiencing the emotional swings (and misses) (baseball analogy). We had a night apart, a conversation the next day, some new depth of understanding, and on we go.... (today:-)
And there is some stuff in the offing, as she asked for and got a day off this coming Monday so we could take a little road trip for the first time together. There is a place a few hours south of here called Sukhothai which has ruins, lots of history and a famous giant Buddha statue which M would love to visit. She's never been there so on Sunday we'll take a bus ride, get a room for a couple of nights and see the sights. It sounds phenomenal to break up the routine, see some new places, rent bikes or scooters, tour around and get to hang out without the inevitable 'I have to work' as part of the equation.
In order to make it happen, I had to extend my visa today, Friday, so I grabbed my passport, some reading material and money, figuring it could be an all-day slog over at immigration. Got some advice from a friend Toby... (when you get there, go immediately to your right to get a number, before filling out the forms etc. Then go back behind the building to get your documents copied and a photo taken. By the time you're done, you'll have saved half an hour or so). I did it, and when I got back, my number was actually being called. Had to race through filling in the form, got it done, signed some papers, paid the $70 and was out of there within 40 minutes. Amazing!. Walked the few miles back to town feeling pretty spry about it all. Got a gig tonight at CU, a student tomorrow morning, a road trip the following day and permission to be in Thailand until Feb 28. Then I'll have a week before flying out of Bangkok, so that will be the window to go and see Angkor Wat and Phnom Penh most likely... though who can say?
I got a good tip from an AA friend of mine who saw my behavior in the previous post as classic Al Anon material. He said that one of the things you learn in Al Anon is to never get between an alcoholic and the alcohol, which is exactly what I was doing. (If you love me, you won't have that next beer). Somehow I knew it was a losing philosophy, but whatever ego or self-importance or need I had seemed to win out... with predictable results. Once again I see that when I want to make it all about her, it's often all about me. (the pot called the kettle metal). And M lied when put in that situation, but the fault was not only hers.
So live and learn, and there is a lot of both going on these days. I still think it's worth the investment of time and energy to be here, to be part of this scene, teaching students, playing gigs, working stuff out with M, experiencing the emotional swings (and misses) (baseball analogy). We had a night apart, a conversation the next day, some new depth of understanding, and on we go.... (today:-)
And there is some stuff in the offing, as she asked for and got a day off this coming Monday so we could take a little road trip for the first time together. There is a place a few hours south of here called Sukhothai which has ruins, lots of history and a famous giant Buddha statue which M would love to visit. She's never been there so on Sunday we'll take a bus ride, get a room for a couple of nights and see the sights. It sounds phenomenal to break up the routine, see some new places, rent bikes or scooters, tour around and get to hang out without the inevitable 'I have to work' as part of the equation.
In order to make it happen, I had to extend my visa today, Friday, so I grabbed my passport, some reading material and money, figuring it could be an all-day slog over at immigration. Got some advice from a friend Toby... (when you get there, go immediately to your right to get a number, before filling out the forms etc. Then go back behind the building to get your documents copied and a photo taken. By the time you're done, you'll have saved half an hour or so). I did it, and when I got back, my number was actually being called. Had to race through filling in the form, got it done, signed some papers, paid the $70 and was out of there within 40 minutes. Amazing!. Walked the few miles back to town feeling pretty spry about it all. Got a gig tonight at CU, a student tomorrow morning, a road trip the following day and permission to be in Thailand until Feb 28. Then I'll have a week before flying out of Bangkok, so that will be the window to go and see Angkor Wat and Phnom Penh most likely... though who can say?
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