That word has been coming up for me lately, starting with the fact that I've been driving a scooter around Chiang Mai and environs the past few days, lots of traffic, hazards abound, and it takes a little finagling to make one's way. It takes a little improvisation, scooting between lanes of traffic, creeping up and past when there are a bunch of cars stopped at a light. Basically I just copy what the locals do, and it works (knock on wood). It definitely reminds me of driving in Manhattan, in the sense that being cautious is actually more hazardous than seeing the opening and going for it... within reason, of course. I like it, and it has opened up lots of new possibilities for enjoyment around town.
Yesterday I finally made it up to Doi Suthep which is the famous temple that is high on a hill to the west of town. They say that you haven't really visited Chiang Mai until you go to Doi Suthep, so I guess you can now count me as a visitor. It's about 25 minutes on the scooter, past the zoo, past Chiang Mai University, then up up up, twisty road, not too much traffic, no views now, as it's burning season and the air is thick with smoke.... they call it haze, OK haze. But it was cool to get there, an awesome place where once you arrive, there are still many many steps to climb to get to the temple and pagoda.
Many folks have set up booths to take advantage of the huge tourist trade, food, crafts, little hill tribe girls in full native regalia looking for a few baht. I climbed up, grabbed a prayer card and did the proscribed three circles around the pagoda in a line with monks, Thais and some westerners. A nice trip and I was very glad to finally get there.
Today I spent with 'German Joe' a local musician who has lived here for twenty years and has a house (and music studio) about twenty minutes out of town. That was my inspiration for renting the bike in the first place, as I went out there a few days ago to maybe record a couple of the songs I've written here. I spent the day today, did some tracks for Bhang Lassi and Same Same, had lunch with him and his 15 year old son and his Burmese lady friend of 3 years. then back to the studio to lay in some vocals and harmonies, had a lot of fun getting to work on music like that. He charged me 500 baht for about 3 and a half hours of actual working time, the other three hours were trying to fix whatever problems arose, dead battery in the bass, lousy chord to the headphones, stuff always crops up, especially in the tropics when things corrode quickly. (By the way, 500 baht is about $17, so it was well worth the $5/hour studio time).
Joe also used the word 'improvisation' and he was referring to the fact that you just have to figure out how to get things done sometimes. Stuff happens, people are weird, there is miscommunication, and you just find a way around and through. (like on a scooter, sabes?). It's the way things are in Thailand, lots of improv.
M is sick, exhausted and hanging on, I feel badly for her, but there's nothing I can really do to help, more than buy the vitamin C and be as supportive as possible. We spent our first night apart in the last couple of weeks last night as I was getting up early to go record and she was feeling lousy, so it seemed like a natural break. She wanted the time to herself, and that's fine. She tends to get that way when she's unhappy, and I didn't take it personally. C'est la vie (La vie, he said, going for the laugh)
Sometimes you're the hammer....
Sometimes you're the veal. (That's right, you were expecting me to say 'the nail', but 'veal' was more like it yesterday. I was tenderized at the Sunday Market, getting some body work done by a Thai guy who was trying to heal my aching back. Still giving me problems, a bit of numbness down the right arm, everything able to function, but there is some daily discomfort and it's not seeming to get better.
The guy's name is Nop (sounds like 'nope') and he is set up near a foot massage outpost on one of the main intersections of the walking street. Maybe about 30 years old, fit, good guy, knows what he's doing. He's got a chiropractic table set up and does body work on whoever shows up and is interested. He does this technique in which he takes a wooden mallet and hits a rosewood peg up and down your spine and your extremities. Tok tok tok tok tok tok, listening to the sound, getting information from the resistance, the sound etc. For the receiver of the treatment... it's like being tenderized, for reals.
He softened me up with a lot of tok tok tok, did some massage and chiropractic on my back, and since I was the last client of the evening, he spent about an hour working on me, as his assistants and M looked on. I quite enjoyed the treatment, though woke up about the same this morning as yesterday, which makes me think that there is something off in my spine that no tenderization can get to. Alas... I want to see Dr Peltzer when I get back to Oregon. He's a great chiropractor working out of Springfield and I'd like him to take a crack at it too. (pun intended)
Really the home stretch now, I'll be on a plane to Oregon in 16 days, so the time with M is now ultra precious. We had one of our best weeks ever this past week and it's gonna be very difficult to up and leave. Crazy even, but no crazier than a lot of the stories one hears from here. She's in good form, getting excited about finishing her bar waitress job and starting a new chapter. She really wants me to return to her ASAP and is willing to 'wait for me' if that's what I want. (Lots of Thai women promise this to their boyfriends, often stringing two or three different foreigners along at the same time to keep the money flowing in). But I believe M when she tells me that she would wait for me. Even against all odds. Even if people assured me that I was being stupid. Besides, I like a good story... and this is a good one, regardless of how it plays out.
The thing that interests me most is how she deals with the alcohol issue. If it turns out that she is just one of those people who needs to drink every day, OK, God Bless you, good luck. But she is making lots of statements about moving into a different place, healthwise, and we will see. When she goes and sees her sister, she won't be smoking and will maybe be allowed one beer a day (if that). We joke that it's like going to rehab, and hey, why not, it sounds like a natural way to at least catch a glimpse of a different lifestyle. She's got some neck and back pain that she wants to work on as well and then hopefully back into yoga as well.
Whatever happens, it's been quite a ride, and quite a gift that we have gotten to experience. Still a huge amount of love flows between us, and it's been deepened by some of the struggles we've undergone together. There's a lot to be said for hanging in there (not my greatest attribute usually), and I plan on enjoying these final weeks of being together.... even though there is a huge part of me that is frightened about having to separate in March.... It ain't gonna be easy... oy.
The guy's name is Nop (sounds like 'nope') and he is set up near a foot massage outpost on one of the main intersections of the walking street. Maybe about 30 years old, fit, good guy, knows what he's doing. He's got a chiropractic table set up and does body work on whoever shows up and is interested. He does this technique in which he takes a wooden mallet and hits a rosewood peg up and down your spine and your extremities. Tok tok tok tok tok tok, listening to the sound, getting information from the resistance, the sound etc. For the receiver of the treatment... it's like being tenderized, for reals.
He softened me up with a lot of tok tok tok, did some massage and chiropractic on my back, and since I was the last client of the evening, he spent about an hour working on me, as his assistants and M looked on. I quite enjoyed the treatment, though woke up about the same this morning as yesterday, which makes me think that there is something off in my spine that no tenderization can get to. Alas... I want to see Dr Peltzer when I get back to Oregon. He's a great chiropractor working out of Springfield and I'd like him to take a crack at it too. (pun intended)
Really the home stretch now, I'll be on a plane to Oregon in 16 days, so the time with M is now ultra precious. We had one of our best weeks ever this past week and it's gonna be very difficult to up and leave. Crazy even, but no crazier than a lot of the stories one hears from here. She's in good form, getting excited about finishing her bar waitress job and starting a new chapter. She really wants me to return to her ASAP and is willing to 'wait for me' if that's what I want. (Lots of Thai women promise this to their boyfriends, often stringing two or three different foreigners along at the same time to keep the money flowing in). But I believe M when she tells me that she would wait for me. Even against all odds. Even if people assured me that I was being stupid. Besides, I like a good story... and this is a good one, regardless of how it plays out.
The thing that interests me most is how she deals with the alcohol issue. If it turns out that she is just one of those people who needs to drink every day, OK, God Bless you, good luck. But she is making lots of statements about moving into a different place, healthwise, and we will see. When she goes and sees her sister, she won't be smoking and will maybe be allowed one beer a day (if that). We joke that it's like going to rehab, and hey, why not, it sounds like a natural way to at least catch a glimpse of a different lifestyle. She's got some neck and back pain that she wants to work on as well and then hopefully back into yoga as well.
Whatever happens, it's been quite a ride, and quite a gift that we have gotten to experience. Still a huge amount of love flows between us, and it's been deepened by some of the struggles we've undergone together. There's a lot to be said for hanging in there (not my greatest attribute usually), and I plan on enjoying these final weeks of being together.... even though there is a huge part of me that is frightened about having to separate in March.... It ain't gonna be easy... oy.
Dizzy....
Dizzy Gillespie? Dizzy Miss Lizzie? Dizzy Dean? Benjamin Disraeli?
Nope, just kind of rapturously ill, not thinking quite clearly, spent most of the day in bed with no energy and stomach 'issues' (don't make me paint a picture, it ain't pretty). Haven't eaten today other than a little Buddha blessed banana which was on Noi's altar the past few days, and then she puts them on the counter for her customers. Yes I have had my coffees, but that's about it for nourishment. And I feel good somehow, not physically good, not mentally or emotionally good, just 'good to be alive' good. Definitely spacy, wouldn't want to have to put out much effort, but good nevertheless. Could it be 'karmically' good? Yeah that works OK.
The reason I got up at all was because I finished my latest read, a lightweight book by PG Wodehouse featuring stories about the game of golf, and since it was written in 1926, he's writing about things like niblicks and mashies and the like. The book is called 'the heart of a goof', and it's utterly charming. LS, you would get a big kick out of it. It was recommended to me by George, (that's the owner of the 'Lost Book Shop' which is a great place for used books in Chiang Mai). George is an Irish wit, all round character and excellent recommender of books, and he's one of the things that make Chiang Mai a great place. I traded in the Wodehouse for a couple of other George suggestions, Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks, and The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart. So awesome to be a reader over here, I hope to keep it up when I get back. The key is to keep the television off, no doubt about that...
So it's 5pm, I'm under the weather, and like I say, feeling good, maybe due to the 3 ibuprofen I popped a few hours ago. Maybe it's because I don't have anything pressing on me today, no gig, no student, just time to lay around, read, make another trip to the bathroom, I think that's done now (he said hopefully), take a look at the internet, jot a few notes, hang out. Feels like I'm living like a king here, especially compared to the locals who tend to work 6 days a week for little money. I guess the best I can do is feel gratitude and kindness about it, don't be a dick about it, which you see plenty of around here.
The weather is turning toward the hot hot hot season, afternoons are quite warm and getting more so. Within a few weeks, many of the winter crowd will have departed back to where they came from, me included. So there is this kind of dreamy quality as the days wind down, a knowledge that time is short and the days of wine and roses are coming to an end for this season. I'm making a conscious effort to drink in the sensations, enjoy M's warmth and feel, revel in the last few gigs at CU corner, making music with my friends. feel that sense of gratitude for this awesome place and for my little niche in it.
Along those lines, a couple of days ago was like a graduation party of sorts over at CU. M had just given her notice the day before, it was 'ladies night' and we had a great gig, followed by a great set on bass backing up Apple. And then it's late at night and it was all regulars there, maybe 8 of us. Jeff and Dau (actually she told me that she spells it Taew, which is what I'll do from now on) were both feeling good, surrounded by friends, more like family in a way. When I told them I have never really been drunk (true) they took it as some kind of challenge, and poured me a few glasses of wine, which I managed to get down. Got a little buzz going but nothing more than that. M is just so into me right now, this opportunity she has to get out of the bar is really huge for her, and she is showing me much love and appreciation, so it just felt extra special on Valentine's Day, surrounded by friends and good feeling. For once the late night scene there was a comfortable one for me....
But then we heard the next day that Jeff crashed his motorcycle on the way home (3am), ran into some spilled oil on the street and went down along with a couple of other bikers. Apparently he's OK, but the bar was closed yesterday as he needed a day to lay around. I haven't seen him yet, he's a stoic at heart, and even if he was very injured, I'm sure he wouldn't talk about it. I'll pop in on my way back to bed....
Well, I got some books, I got some gigs to look forward to, both here and in Oregon, I'll maybe grab some food and take it back to the guest house and lay around some more, and I'm genuinely happy.... if a tad dizzy....
Nope, just kind of rapturously ill, not thinking quite clearly, spent most of the day in bed with no energy and stomach 'issues' (don't make me paint a picture, it ain't pretty). Haven't eaten today other than a little Buddha blessed banana which was on Noi's altar the past few days, and then she puts them on the counter for her customers. Yes I have had my coffees, but that's about it for nourishment. And I feel good somehow, not physically good, not mentally or emotionally good, just 'good to be alive' good. Definitely spacy, wouldn't want to have to put out much effort, but good nevertheless. Could it be 'karmically' good? Yeah that works OK.
The reason I got up at all was because I finished my latest read, a lightweight book by PG Wodehouse featuring stories about the game of golf, and since it was written in 1926, he's writing about things like niblicks and mashies and the like. The book is called 'the heart of a goof', and it's utterly charming. LS, you would get a big kick out of it. It was recommended to me by George, (that's the owner of the 'Lost Book Shop' which is a great place for used books in Chiang Mai). George is an Irish wit, all round character and excellent recommender of books, and he's one of the things that make Chiang Mai a great place. I traded in the Wodehouse for a couple of other George suggestions, Birdsong by Sebastian Faulks, and The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart. So awesome to be a reader over here, I hope to keep it up when I get back. The key is to keep the television off, no doubt about that...
So it's 5pm, I'm under the weather, and like I say, feeling good, maybe due to the 3 ibuprofen I popped a few hours ago. Maybe it's because I don't have anything pressing on me today, no gig, no student, just time to lay around, read, make another trip to the bathroom, I think that's done now (he said hopefully), take a look at the internet, jot a few notes, hang out. Feels like I'm living like a king here, especially compared to the locals who tend to work 6 days a week for little money. I guess the best I can do is feel gratitude and kindness about it, don't be a dick about it, which you see plenty of around here.
The weather is turning toward the hot hot hot season, afternoons are quite warm and getting more so. Within a few weeks, many of the winter crowd will have departed back to where they came from, me included. So there is this kind of dreamy quality as the days wind down, a knowledge that time is short and the days of wine and roses are coming to an end for this season. I'm making a conscious effort to drink in the sensations, enjoy M's warmth and feel, revel in the last few gigs at CU corner, making music with my friends. feel that sense of gratitude for this awesome place and for my little niche in it.
Along those lines, a couple of days ago was like a graduation party of sorts over at CU. M had just given her notice the day before, it was 'ladies night' and we had a great gig, followed by a great set on bass backing up Apple. And then it's late at night and it was all regulars there, maybe 8 of us. Jeff and Dau (actually she told me that she spells it Taew, which is what I'll do from now on) were both feeling good, surrounded by friends, more like family in a way. When I told them I have never really been drunk (true) they took it as some kind of challenge, and poured me a few glasses of wine, which I managed to get down. Got a little buzz going but nothing more than that. M is just so into me right now, this opportunity she has to get out of the bar is really huge for her, and she is showing me much love and appreciation, so it just felt extra special on Valentine's Day, surrounded by friends and good feeling. For once the late night scene there was a comfortable one for me....
But then we heard the next day that Jeff crashed his motorcycle on the way home (3am), ran into some spilled oil on the street and went down along with a couple of other bikers. Apparently he's OK, but the bar was closed yesterday as he needed a day to lay around. I haven't seen him yet, he's a stoic at heart, and even if he was very injured, I'm sure he wouldn't talk about it. I'll pop in on my way back to bed....
Well, I got some books, I got some gigs to look forward to, both here and in Oregon, I'll maybe grab some food and take it back to the guest house and lay around some more, and I'm genuinely happy.... if a tad dizzy....
Lucky
How else to describe the feeling of going to the computer and seeing an email offering me fifteen gigs this summer, small library concerts around Oregon. It's a reprise of last summer's tour in support of The Oregon College Savings Plan, who is sponsoring a bunch of shows in small town libraries. Apparently I was selected as one of the top performers around the state last year, and the 5 of us were put on the roster to spread the good vibes.
And coming at a time when my summer was looking really slow, and I was thinking, 'Oh shit, do I have to find a job?' (Gasp!), this came as fantastic news, and suddenly my summer prospects have gone from 'dim' to 'fine' (and getting better). And another gig just came in today, so I'm gonna be all right this summer. When I told M the good news, she said it was Karma, I did something nice for her and it came back to me. Could be, or maybe a simple coincidence?. 'Karma or Coincidence' the new game show...
Either way, it's a big relief to have a nice chunk of gigs come in over the wire, and I'll be able to add to that income, pick up some students perhaps, sell some songs, that's what I really should do, and I think I'm gonna give it a shot this year. I've heard about a couple of sites where you pay a fee of like $300 and then a per song fee on top of that, and your stuff will be listened to and perhaps placed with folks who are looking for what it is that you do. I don't see myself moving to Nashville or anything like that, but I could see going the route described above. And maybe folks would say, 'Glauber, your stuff is crap' and that will be that (but I don't think so... ho ho ho)
My stomach ain't quite right after some Indian food last night, my back is still out of whack, got a touch of sciatica, breathing a little wheezy.... and I'm feeling very lucky nonetheless. So there ya go. (note to self 'back out of whack', pretty good rhyme...:-)
And coming at a time when my summer was looking really slow, and I was thinking, 'Oh shit, do I have to find a job?' (Gasp!), this came as fantastic news, and suddenly my summer prospects have gone from 'dim' to 'fine' (and getting better). And another gig just came in today, so I'm gonna be all right this summer. When I told M the good news, she said it was Karma, I did something nice for her and it came back to me. Could be, or maybe a simple coincidence?. 'Karma or Coincidence' the new game show...
Either way, it's a big relief to have a nice chunk of gigs come in over the wire, and I'll be able to add to that income, pick up some students perhaps, sell some songs, that's what I really should do, and I think I'm gonna give it a shot this year. I've heard about a couple of sites where you pay a fee of like $300 and then a per song fee on top of that, and your stuff will be listened to and perhaps placed with folks who are looking for what it is that you do. I don't see myself moving to Nashville or anything like that, but I could see going the route described above. And maybe folks would say, 'Glauber, your stuff is crap' and that will be that (but I don't think so... ho ho ho)
My stomach ain't quite right after some Indian food last night, my back is still out of whack, got a touch of sciatica, breathing a little wheezy.... and I'm feeling very lucky nonetheless. So there ya go. (note to self 'back out of whack', pretty good rhyme...:-)
Valentine's Day
Well I guess I've got my lifetime Valentine's Day moment which I can refer to every year, and it occurred last year, right here in Chiang Mai. I was feeling super close to M, and I got the urge to try and capture it in music, which I believe that I did. The original impulse for the song came when she met an acquaintance who asked, 'did you get a flower for Valentine's Day?' (in Thai). M replied, I don't want a flower. After we parted, she went off to get ready for work, I went back to my guitar and I started working on a song. I had the main theme within a couple of hours, then spent a couple of days coming up with a bridge that was different (and pretty darn good IMHO). I recorded a simple version of it back in Oregon in May, and that's the one that's up on Youtube.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1hRQlCeGr8
This song trips me out in some ways, largely because I think it's quite good, very commercially viable, so it tends to bring up the 'I don't know how to market myself' despair that I have felt over the years. Note, it's not commercially viable with me as the singer, but the song itself has a kind of 'Christmas album', 'Disney movie' vibe that would probably be worth a chunk of cash.... if only one knew how to proceed.... So it's a double edged sword for me, I love the song and it bums me out. (sometimes)
And I'm in a love place once again this year, though it feels like there has been a qualitative shift in our relationship since I decided to pony up and give M the kind of support that will enable her to walk away from a job that has had her trapped for the past 15 months. Primarily it's a health issue, she is exhausted, overworked, and as long as she is working 6 late nights a week in a popular bar, there would be no way for her to break out of the smoking and drinking phase that she's in. And she does want to change that, and there is some excitement on her part when she considers some of the possibilities. It's wonderful to see, and I can imagine the possibility of the 'bad girl, I can take care of myself' woman giving way to something more healthy. She wants it, and now that she sees a way out, it seems that she is more positive and excited (and grateful).
And this is certainly no panacea, no guarantee of future anything, merely an opportunity for her to rewrite the script for the next chapter. She gave notice yesterday, said she'd stay until the end of March if need be (6 weeks) and she really wants to end the employment in a good and positive way. The high season will be over by then and it's very generous of her to give them that much time. She said that Dow (her boss) was understanding and not upset, 'you can't work here forever, it's your life', and that Jeff was more non-commital in his response, (but he's tight lipped anyway, eh). And ultimately it doesn't matter what they think about it, because it is her life, and her health and well being take precedence over just about any other consideration.
I'm on my way over there now, getting ready for another gig, after missing last Friday's due to the trip to Pai. My gigs are winding down now, as my visa is up in a mere two weeks. I could make a visa run to the border and spend my last week here with her, seems kinda likely as the time is so precious, but either way, I'm gonna be on a plane out of Bangkok at 1am on March 7, and that is coming up real soon. Am I happy about it? Not in the slightest, but I don't think there's any way around it. Even though I don't have anything on the calendar until late March, I'm afraid I can't change the ticket, since it's a combination Korean Airlines/Alaska Airlines fare. I tried to change it on the way over here when Bangkok was flooded and things felt a little sketchy, but was told that I couldn't, for that very reason. So I'll just resign myself to the reality that this thing is on the last lap. (sigh)
But 'gratitude', right? Yes indeed. In spite of the ups and downs, the turmoil and angst, it's been an incredible blessing to be here, to be connected, to experience love and music and friends and this part of the world. Will I be back? Yes I will. (enshalla)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1hRQlCeGr8
This song trips me out in some ways, largely because I think it's quite good, very commercially viable, so it tends to bring up the 'I don't know how to market myself' despair that I have felt over the years. Note, it's not commercially viable with me as the singer, but the song itself has a kind of 'Christmas album', 'Disney movie' vibe that would probably be worth a chunk of cash.... if only one knew how to proceed.... So it's a double edged sword for me, I love the song and it bums me out. (sometimes)
And I'm in a love place once again this year, though it feels like there has been a qualitative shift in our relationship since I decided to pony up and give M the kind of support that will enable her to walk away from a job that has had her trapped for the past 15 months. Primarily it's a health issue, she is exhausted, overworked, and as long as she is working 6 late nights a week in a popular bar, there would be no way for her to break out of the smoking and drinking phase that she's in. And she does want to change that, and there is some excitement on her part when she considers some of the possibilities. It's wonderful to see, and I can imagine the possibility of the 'bad girl, I can take care of myself' woman giving way to something more healthy. She wants it, and now that she sees a way out, it seems that she is more positive and excited (and grateful).
And this is certainly no panacea, no guarantee of future anything, merely an opportunity for her to rewrite the script for the next chapter. She gave notice yesterday, said she'd stay until the end of March if need be (6 weeks) and she really wants to end the employment in a good and positive way. The high season will be over by then and it's very generous of her to give them that much time. She said that Dow (her boss) was understanding and not upset, 'you can't work here forever, it's your life', and that Jeff was more non-commital in his response, (but he's tight lipped anyway, eh). And ultimately it doesn't matter what they think about it, because it is her life, and her health and well being take precedence over just about any other consideration.
I'm on my way over there now, getting ready for another gig, after missing last Friday's due to the trip to Pai. My gigs are winding down now, as my visa is up in a mere two weeks. I could make a visa run to the border and spend my last week here with her, seems kinda likely as the time is so precious, but either way, I'm gonna be on a plane out of Bangkok at 1am on March 7, and that is coming up real soon. Am I happy about it? Not in the slightest, but I don't think there's any way around it. Even though I don't have anything on the calendar until late March, I'm afraid I can't change the ticket, since it's a combination Korean Airlines/Alaska Airlines fare. I tried to change it on the way over here when Bangkok was flooded and things felt a little sketchy, but was told that I couldn't, for that very reason. So I'll just resign myself to the reality that this thing is on the last lap. (sigh)
But 'gratitude', right? Yes indeed. In spite of the ups and downs, the turmoil and angst, it's been an incredible blessing to be here, to be connected, to experience love and music and friends and this part of the world. Will I be back? Yes I will. (enshalla)
To Give Your More.... (to receive your less)
Wouldn't it be nice to have a final few weeks without any drama, turmoil, late night worry etc, that is my goal. It's Monday morning now, which means I've just had the best of times with M, her Sunday off, time to hang out, 'connect', talk, relax, have some great food, which we did at a place on the north end of town, and then strolled back through the city, taking in some sights and getting myself better oriented to this place. Last week, our Sunday bliss was crunched by a Monday night wake up call of alcohol, upset and a new tune (part of the Al Anon album I seem to be working on). And as part of our ongoing negotiation/planning I asked her if for this next stretch of time, she could really 'take care of me', put my emotional comfort high on her list, and she said, 'of course' and me, I believe her. (stay tuned:-)
We seem to be in a different phase now (he said hopefully), as my commitment to her future, ie gifting her with a substantial chunk of change which enables her to give notice at work and embark on the next chapter, has redrawn the parameters. She does want to get out of the bar, but has been hamstrung by a lack of money, and by the fear that she won't find something else. (meanwhile, thanks to her work there, she is very connected to the Farang community, her English is good and everyone knows that she is an awesome employee. I think in this facebook world, she will come up with something great, or create it herself)
She is willing (and wanting) to 'wait for me', meaning not be with any other men, if that's what I want, and I believe her in that way also. And now her focus seems to be 'are you sure you're coming back? are you coming back to me?' And my answer is yes (with some unspoken misgivings). Nothing is ever that clear cut, at least for this over-thinker, but it sure feels like I love her and that I want to be with her.... and if we can survive this testing period of much drama and an arc like a yoyo, hey who knows, maybe there is a future for the two of us.
But that's down the road (by definition, sabes?) and right now I'm only thinking as far as her giving notice, going to visit her sister near Bangkok, and transitioning into the next phase. And I feel good about my participation in that process, stepping up and giving her what she needs, without any expectation of a personal reward down the road. Marley sang about 'give your more to receive your less', it must be from the bible, and that's where I'm coming from in this case. Let's ask Senor Google about that phrase... Hey, it is a Marley line, from the song Misty Morning, probably my all time favorite vocal by the master.... I still get tingles when I hear it.... Give it a listen, will ya...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozf6UbTqQRA
There is one mystery, I just can't express
To give your more, to receive your less
I remember wearing out this album when I was visiting my buddy Howie (and his new wife Jane) down in the Florida keys in December1978. this turned out to be a very significant turning point for me, as I was down there for a month prior to going and finishing a degree at Skidmore College beginning in January. We were drinking Cuban coffee (Cafe Bustelo), oh yes, smoking weed, hanging out rasta style, sailing, playing music Marley was the main soundtrack. Meanwhile, back in New York, my brother Bob 'borrowed' my car, which I had just bought, wrecked it in the snow, and now I was in need of some new wheels for the upstate New York winter. I got this news over the phone when I called in from the Keys to say hi. A couple of days later, I did LSD for the last time in my life (so far, anyhow), I was 25 years old, hanging out on Howie's boat which was tied up to the dock. I had this vision that came out of nowhere and in it, I realized that it was time for me to move to San Francisco, rather than freeze in upstate NY. And so I did, no questions asked. I've been a west coast guy ever since, no regrets.... And when people say to me, 'what made you move to the west coast?', sometimes I tell them the true story.
That digression aside, the point is that there is some mystery about giving your more (to receive your less). And interestingly, it's part of the message that M has been sharing with me over the months. Not about giving to her, but about giving in general, and yeah, there is something about her which is divine and tuned in and very wise.... It's easy to get distracted by the more obvious stuff which we have struggled with, but beneath that there is a serious and deep spiritual connection... and no, you can't put a price tag on that.
We seem to be in a different phase now (he said hopefully), as my commitment to her future, ie gifting her with a substantial chunk of change which enables her to give notice at work and embark on the next chapter, has redrawn the parameters. She does want to get out of the bar, but has been hamstrung by a lack of money, and by the fear that she won't find something else. (meanwhile, thanks to her work there, she is very connected to the Farang community, her English is good and everyone knows that she is an awesome employee. I think in this facebook world, she will come up with something great, or create it herself)
She is willing (and wanting) to 'wait for me', meaning not be with any other men, if that's what I want, and I believe her in that way also. And now her focus seems to be 'are you sure you're coming back? are you coming back to me?' And my answer is yes (with some unspoken misgivings). Nothing is ever that clear cut, at least for this over-thinker, but it sure feels like I love her and that I want to be with her.... and if we can survive this testing period of much drama and an arc like a yoyo, hey who knows, maybe there is a future for the two of us.
But that's down the road (by definition, sabes?) and right now I'm only thinking as far as her giving notice, going to visit her sister near Bangkok, and transitioning into the next phase. And I feel good about my participation in that process, stepping up and giving her what she needs, without any expectation of a personal reward down the road. Marley sang about 'give your more to receive your less', it must be from the bible, and that's where I'm coming from in this case. Let's ask Senor Google about that phrase... Hey, it is a Marley line, from the song Misty Morning, probably my all time favorite vocal by the master.... I still get tingles when I hear it.... Give it a listen, will ya...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ozf6UbTqQRA
There is one mystery, I just can't express
To give your more, to receive your less
I remember wearing out this album when I was visiting my buddy Howie (and his new wife Jane) down in the Florida keys in December1978. this turned out to be a very significant turning point for me, as I was down there for a month prior to going and finishing a degree at Skidmore College beginning in January. We were drinking Cuban coffee (Cafe Bustelo), oh yes, smoking weed, hanging out rasta style, sailing, playing music Marley was the main soundtrack. Meanwhile, back in New York, my brother Bob 'borrowed' my car, which I had just bought, wrecked it in the snow, and now I was in need of some new wheels for the upstate New York winter. I got this news over the phone when I called in from the Keys to say hi. A couple of days later, I did LSD for the last time in my life (so far, anyhow), I was 25 years old, hanging out on Howie's boat which was tied up to the dock. I had this vision that came out of nowhere and in it, I realized that it was time for me to move to San Francisco, rather than freeze in upstate NY. And so I did, no questions asked. I've been a west coast guy ever since, no regrets.... And when people say to me, 'what made you move to the west coast?', sometimes I tell them the true story.
That digression aside, the point is that there is some mystery about giving your more (to receive your less). And interestingly, it's part of the message that M has been sharing with me over the months. Not about giving to her, but about giving in general, and yeah, there is something about her which is divine and tuned in and very wise.... It's easy to get distracted by the more obvious stuff which we have struggled with, but beneath that there is a serious and deep spiritual connection... and no, you can't put a price tag on that.
Richelle, 'the slave'
Let's see now, as far as 'blog-worthiness' goes, that's been my litmus test of when to pay attention with a writer's eye... so that I can recall enough details later on to be able to recreate some images. If I see, hear or interact with some experience that captures my fancy, I'll want to write about it when I go online. Today, I met someone who was so obviously blog-worthy that I might need a new moniker...'super freak' comes to mind. 'Say hello to 'Richelle'.
'She', and yes, there is some question about what pronoun to use, is mid to late fifties, If I had to guess, I'd say native Australian, but without the sure-fire Aussie accent that is unmistakeable (unless you mistake a Kiwi for an Aussie, but I digress). Smart, very articulate and creative, dressed in a skirt and halter top, fake red hair short on top but over her neck in back, possessor of a 'cock' which she must have mentioned ten times in the conversation. Yep, just another fellow traveler, Burning Man freakazoid. She's the star of her own movie, that's for damn sure, and there was enough common ground between us for quite a conversation.
Her name was Richard once upon a time and the 'Richelle' character was born at Burning Man, in the Nevada desert, and it seems to have been a major turning point in her life. I wish I could quote her verbatim, but her rap was basically that 'At Burning Man, nobody cares who you are, what you've done, where you've been. It's all about the now, so you can and should create your own character and your own script,( not too different than having an avatar in cyberspace, in one of those crazy sites that I don't know the name of, but in this case it's 'real'). Does raise some interesting questions about the nature of 'reality', like back in the acid days. The character 'Richelle, the slave' was born at Burning Man 4 years ago, and she has continued up til this day. When she told me that she sold a screenplay of her life for 1.7 million dollars, I said, 'I don't believe you'. She replied, 'that's what I love about you'.
Before that, her comment was, 'I'm going to the bathroom, and when I'm holding my cock, I'll be thinking of you'. I replied, 'I don't need to hear that'. She also called me an 'angel', and I've heard that before, so I'm OK with that descriptor. She told me that she loved me three times, (I think)
Richelle is a slave to a Thai mistress, some kinky 29 year old hottie wild thing who has a big Aussie boyfriend who totally satisfies her in every way. (apparently). And this Thai woman will text assignments to Richelle like 'you see that gorgeous woman over there with that guy. I want her on her knees in the bathroom in 5 minutes' And Richelle will go right up to the stranger, point to his mistress and say, 'do you see my mistress, she wants you on her knees in the bathroom in 5 minutes, will you be there?'. And according to her, the answer was, 'hell yes'!. There were other stories of other assignments which involve photos and video and stuff I wouldn't write about on the blog. Apparently Richelle is all about being super direct, fearless, putting it out there with no filter, and in doing so, she will attract the fellow freaks among us who are just waiting to be invited. (or something like that)
And the odd thing is that I got the strong suspicion that her mistress/slave relationship is the opposite of what you might expect. One thinks of a mistress dominating the slave, but in this case, I think the slave conjured up the mistress. 'She's my reason for living'. It's Richelle's movie and she needed a mistress, not the other way around. It's all very 'Alice in Wonderland' X rated edition, but there is much intelligence and pathos and wisdom in the Bizarro World.
And probably some desperation as well. I was totally buying her act, happy to play along... (up to a point, mind you), and I could see that when she is getting the attention, running her shtick she's got a 'reason for living'. She's an 'entertainer' she told me, and yes, I was entertained, but I challenged her as well. When she asked if I wanted to hear her philosophy, my response was, yeah, if you want to hear mine as well. (which she did, though it was hard for her to not 'pick up the talking stick' and be the center of attention. So I called her on it, and she probably 'loves that about me too'.
She told me about some things that I must do in Pai, including be at the Bebop Lounge from midnight to one tonight when a rock band is playing and everything happens. And I think I shall make the scene, as it's very refreshing to have some new input and adventures. Like being on a scooter and scooting up to the waterfall way above Pai, a place I went last year. On the way back down, I stopped in at this restaurant that was playing great and weird music and had a pretty good crowd of long haired types sitting around eating and drinking. Delicious food, good company, great music and the conversation with Richelle. Before that, I crashed a Spanish conversation in which two veteran travelers were giving some younger ones the lowdown on Burma travel (which is in a process of radical change, especially after Hillary Clinton's visit a month or two ago). The couple had just been there (it's close to here, and they were giving some tips to the twenty somethings...
Well back to the guest house, take a shower, read my latest book, "Drop City' by TC Boyle (What a writer!, it's the third book I've read by him, He takes these strange American themes, this one is about the free love movement in the late sixties, early seventies and writes this tremendous prose about the stories therein. I've done a ton of reading on this trip, haven't kept a record of the books, hmmm, maybe I should do that, but I don't think I could conjure up all the ones I've read these past 3 months.
M and I are in 'I love you' phone contact. I'll be back to Chiang Mai to hang with her on her Sunday off, was thinking about going back Saturday, but hell, I took a three hour trip on a twisted road, I have a nice place to stay, it's fun on the bike and damn, I certainly was sick of the Chiang Mai scene, so yeah, I'll stay here an extra day and stay away from the CU corner for 4 nights worth. Yep, good plan. Played some cool music on the street last night with a shit hot Dutch guitarist who was knocking out great solos to some of my jazzy stuff. Just for fun and to amuse ourselves. Putting out the hat isn't a good idea, as technically, we're not supposed to make any money here... (But we could've)
Your faithful slave, er scribe,
Richard (affected French pronunciation, please... reee shard)
'She', and yes, there is some question about what pronoun to use, is mid to late fifties, If I had to guess, I'd say native Australian, but without the sure-fire Aussie accent that is unmistakeable (unless you mistake a Kiwi for an Aussie, but I digress). Smart, very articulate and creative, dressed in a skirt and halter top, fake red hair short on top but over her neck in back, possessor of a 'cock' which she must have mentioned ten times in the conversation. Yep, just another fellow traveler, Burning Man freakazoid. She's the star of her own movie, that's for damn sure, and there was enough common ground between us for quite a conversation.
Her name was Richard once upon a time and the 'Richelle' character was born at Burning Man, in the Nevada desert, and it seems to have been a major turning point in her life. I wish I could quote her verbatim, but her rap was basically that 'At Burning Man, nobody cares who you are, what you've done, where you've been. It's all about the now, so you can and should create your own character and your own script,( not too different than having an avatar in cyberspace, in one of those crazy sites that I don't know the name of, but in this case it's 'real'). Does raise some interesting questions about the nature of 'reality', like back in the acid days. The character 'Richelle, the slave' was born at Burning Man 4 years ago, and she has continued up til this day. When she told me that she sold a screenplay of her life for 1.7 million dollars, I said, 'I don't believe you'. She replied, 'that's what I love about you'.
Before that, her comment was, 'I'm going to the bathroom, and when I'm holding my cock, I'll be thinking of you'. I replied, 'I don't need to hear that'. She also called me an 'angel', and I've heard that before, so I'm OK with that descriptor. She told me that she loved me three times, (I think)
Richelle is a slave to a Thai mistress, some kinky 29 year old hottie wild thing who has a big Aussie boyfriend who totally satisfies her in every way. (apparently). And this Thai woman will text assignments to Richelle like 'you see that gorgeous woman over there with that guy. I want her on her knees in the bathroom in 5 minutes' And Richelle will go right up to the stranger, point to his mistress and say, 'do you see my mistress, she wants you on her knees in the bathroom in 5 minutes, will you be there?'. And according to her, the answer was, 'hell yes'!. There were other stories of other assignments which involve photos and video and stuff I wouldn't write about on the blog. Apparently Richelle is all about being super direct, fearless, putting it out there with no filter, and in doing so, she will attract the fellow freaks among us who are just waiting to be invited. (or something like that)
And the odd thing is that I got the strong suspicion that her mistress/slave relationship is the opposite of what you might expect. One thinks of a mistress dominating the slave, but in this case, I think the slave conjured up the mistress. 'She's my reason for living'. It's Richelle's movie and she needed a mistress, not the other way around. It's all very 'Alice in Wonderland' X rated edition, but there is much intelligence and pathos and wisdom in the Bizarro World.
And probably some desperation as well. I was totally buying her act, happy to play along... (up to a point, mind you), and I could see that when she is getting the attention, running her shtick she's got a 'reason for living'. She's an 'entertainer' she told me, and yes, I was entertained, but I challenged her as well. When she asked if I wanted to hear her philosophy, my response was, yeah, if you want to hear mine as well. (which she did, though it was hard for her to not 'pick up the talking stick' and be the center of attention. So I called her on it, and she probably 'loves that about me too'.
She told me about some things that I must do in Pai, including be at the Bebop Lounge from midnight to one tonight when a rock band is playing and everything happens. And I think I shall make the scene, as it's very refreshing to have some new input and adventures. Like being on a scooter and scooting up to the waterfall way above Pai, a place I went last year. On the way back down, I stopped in at this restaurant that was playing great and weird music and had a pretty good crowd of long haired types sitting around eating and drinking. Delicious food, good company, great music and the conversation with Richelle. Before that, I crashed a Spanish conversation in which two veteran travelers were giving some younger ones the lowdown on Burma travel (which is in a process of radical change, especially after Hillary Clinton's visit a month or two ago). The couple had just been there (it's close to here, and they were giving some tips to the twenty somethings...
Well back to the guest house, take a shower, read my latest book, "Drop City' by TC Boyle (What a writer!, it's the third book I've read by him, He takes these strange American themes, this one is about the free love movement in the late sixties, early seventies and writes this tremendous prose about the stories therein. I've done a ton of reading on this trip, haven't kept a record of the books, hmmm, maybe I should do that, but I don't think I could conjure up all the ones I've read these past 3 months.
M and I are in 'I love you' phone contact. I'll be back to Chiang Mai to hang with her on her Sunday off, was thinking about going back Saturday, but hell, I took a three hour trip on a twisted road, I have a nice place to stay, it's fun on the bike and damn, I certainly was sick of the Chiang Mai scene, so yeah, I'll stay here an extra day and stay away from the CU corner for 4 nights worth. Yep, good plan. Played some cool music on the street last night with a shit hot Dutch guitarist who was knocking out great solos to some of my jazzy stuff. Just for fun and to amuse ourselves. Putting out the hat isn't a good idea, as technically, we're not supposed to make any money here... (But we could've)
Your faithful slave, er scribe,
Richard (affected French pronunciation, please... reee shard)
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