I play therefore I am?

It's kinda starting to feel that way, 'I play therefore I am'.  It feels like making music is my truest self, and why wouldn't it be?  It encompasses pretty much everything I've learned in my sixty spins around the sun.  There's the craft of it... how many thousands of hours strumming a guitar, playing piano, accordion, trumpet, cowbell whatever which have trained my muscles to do what needs doing.  There's the breathing and the singing and the heart opening and the intention to raise the spirit... mine and my listeners.  There's all those songs, all that poetry, mine and not mine that have been the poetry track of my life.  There's the lessons I took from others, the lessons I taught to others,  The ideas, good and bad that have shaped the repertoire, the thinking about it, the puzzling out how to make the words fit together in an appealing way, to have them mean something.

There is something in that quest that brings the divine energy into my life.  Those are the exciting times, when I'm working on something and I get a tingle up my spine as if the universe is saying...'Yes, you're on the right track, keep going'.  It's happened enough times that I trust it and know it to be true.  It is a spirit path, and it's the one I travel.  What else would I do?

And the beauty of it is that every little gig I play, every library show, senior gig, school assembly, restaurant appearance is an opportunity to use it all, share the love, make a joyful noise.  It's never been about the money, though of course it's great (and necessary) to get paid.  It's about 'here we are, let's love'.  So these gigs I've been doing here, sitting at the mic, doing my absolute best, walking the path... it's the path of love.  And people paying me to do it?  Buying me drinks and food? Saying nice things?  There is some kind of holiness in it all, and yes, I'm truly blessed.

Yesterday at 2pm I was having coffee with the old timers when my phone rang and Noi (from the restaurant) asked if I could play that night.  There were a bunch of reservations and even though no music was scheduled, she thought it would be good if I could do my two hours.  'Yes Definitely, Thank You', so suddenly another chance to dial it up and let it flow, another 1000 baht (including the tips), another chance to connect with music and with the public, another delicious dinner and a drink and that cheesecake, oh Lord!  Why am I being treated so well?  It's kind of blowing me away.

So I did my set and it was another pleasure, then I strolled over to CU Corner and Thaew (owner) wants to buy me a drink because she appreciates what I've been providing there, but instead Noel buys me a drink and I listen for awhile, then accompany the Australian gent Billy as he plays a set.  I sing some harmony, do my best, take a few solos, get in his groove, try to support as well as I can.  All the good things... the stuff I believe in happens in the musical exchange... trying your best, following someone else, spreading the love, going for the specialness... I play therefore I am indeed.

And I've been getting a little flak from a 'friend' of mine who thinks I'm all about ego.  He was telling me that someone else read my posts and commented, 'there are three on earth that are visible from space... the pyramids, the Great Wall and Glauber's ego'.  I said, 'Have him delete me, by all means... and you can delete me too'.  That kind of criticism is so 'family of origin' that it cuts deep.  But I guess I can just consider the source... someone who is unhappy and in a bad situation... it's so easy to put people down, cast aspersions on their motives, accuse them of whatever... troll through life.  Even though it stung at the moment, I really don't care at this point... I know what I'm doing...Gonna keep doing it... And those that want to judge or be offended... your choice, I wish you the best...


The creativity cure

Yesterday when I started writing the Irish song, I was facing the first hit of loneliness, 'what am I doing here' angst.  It wasn't a bad thing, just a real thing, and I decided to see if I could create my way out of it... So I strolled over to the internet place, stared at a blank screen for a moment, then remembered the little Irish musical ditty I had messed around with on the guitar the night before... Simple three chord thing, but with that lilting 6/8 rhythm that I love (and don't use enough).  So with that in mind, I put some words down and came up with something that wasn't bad, something that could work.  And when I went back to the guitar and tried it out, yeah, that's pretty good for a first crack.  And voila, loneliness gone, on to the next thing.

And the next thing happened to be showing up at CU Corner with my guitar, ready to make something happen.  There were just a few regulars present when I started, but little by little folks started drifting in and I stayed at the mic.  Ended up playing for a couple of hours, through several incarnations, some with Mad Mike on harmonica and self-aggrandizing harmony vocals... Some with David Ball's family in the house... his mom was singing some stellar Andrews Sisters type harmony... that was really fun.  Played for some drunks who wandered in, just kept it rolling and got a ton of positive feedback.  Thaew even dropped a little cash on me as a way of saying thank you.  It's all on the sly, of course, a 'handshake' with a few bills hidden inside.  It felt nice.  Mostly what's nice is just being there, using my skills to connect with the people, give them a good time, make musical fun. (like I've been doing for decades and then some)  It's pretty much 'what I do'

And I think I get to do a little more of it this evening, thanks to a chance encounter this morning.  I had my guitar with me, for whatever reason... Just felt like keeping it going, maybe working on the Irish thing, maybe playing for a coffee at Noi's shop.  This black British guy pulls up and stops as I'm walking down Soi 1.  'Excuse me, I notice the guitar, can I ask what kind of music you play?'  'Good music', I replied.  And then I said something about swing, originals, fun stuff.  Turns out he owns a little bar on Soi 2 and was looking for a musician to help celebrate the birthday of one of his clients.  When he told me the guy was a 63 year old Aussie, I said, yes I can do that.  So in 15 minutes I'll head over there and see what I can come up with.  He's gonna pay me something, not sure what, and I'll have the chance to 'do what I do'.  It's so cool the way it is just kinda happening without a lot of effort on my part.  It's as if it is just in the cards.  Show up, be open, have a guitar at hand and off we go.  It's like 'country fair magic' in Chiang Mai.

Today I skipped yoga, cuz I felt like it... had a great skype with Julie (who I adore), and then walked cross town for that cuppa coffee with Noi.  Nice to see the gang over there, some of my Thai connections, then I walked to the one park within the old city of Chiang Mai, rented one of those woven mats and did my yoga and stretches in the sun.  Fantastic, worked on my tan, chatted with a couple Brits who I knew, then back to the guest house for a nap.   Dinner was that $1 bowl of noodle soup with wontons and roast pork, and I'm ready to make some music.  And off we go....

Homage to Jelly (first draft)

Of all the many characters
Whose lives we intertwine
The butcher and the baker
The gal who paints the sign
The chimney sweep the chambermaid
The man who lays the tile
Sure none can hold a candle
To the one who brings a smile

Down at the tavern
There's laughter and a shout
Voices raised in merriment
The joy is all about
And at the very heart of it
With unmistakeable style
Oh the stories and the singing
Of the one who brings a smile

There's music everywhere he goes
In the city and the town
A penny whistle calls the tune
Of the man from County Down
Some say he's just a gad about
Innocent as a child
But sure we need the offering
Of the one who brings a smile








Music and more music

Let's see, maybe I can invent some difficulties so this writing has a little more grit, but sadly (happily) it's just smooth sailing as I approach the end of my third week in Chiang Mai.  I had a fantastic night making music yesterday, a two hour gig at Dash Restaurant that everyone seemed to enjoy, especially the owner, which after all is the main person who needs to be pleased.  And the fact that I got $12 in tips on top of the $23 in wages makes it a thousand baht night, which is just great.  And there's the free food and the camaraderie and the booze if I want it (I don't).  But I think the best part is playing for two hours straight, getting my voice really loosened up, working on some musical things, just getting that experience of being a singer and entertainer who gets to do the music I do, and gets to burnish it, try new things, be in the moment etc.  It's a nice little PA over there and I sound good.  Happy.

And then I walked round the corner to play bass for my friend Apple at CU Corner.  Another 90 minutes of friendship, music, camaraderie, respect... it's almost too good to be true.  Apple is Thai, a few years younger than me, has some kind of a disability that makes his legs short and crooked so when he leaves and goes to get on his scooter, it's not easy for him to traverse the uneven ground.  You wouldn't know it watching him perform, he's got a perpetual smile, he's generous with people wanting to jam along, leaves space, encourages folks, and he sings a plays great.  Apple has notebooks filled with English language songs that he has transcribed in the Thai alphabet.  He speaks very little English but plays a thousand songs.  He transcribed his main book twenty years ago and it's quite a document... not that I can read one letter of it... but he can.  And as I've mentioned in the past... even though we don't communicate except in the most rudimentary conversation, we know each other well.  Total musical affinity, many laughs and smiles along the way, lots of harmony too as I get to work on my harmony skills when we play together.

Went home around midnight, got a decent night's sleep, up at 7 for a cappuccino then a yoga class.  Definitely enjoying the daily (almost) practice, I'm feeling pretty grounded and strong.  The only thing missing is that I haven't created but one new song.  Maybe today is a day to dig in and see if I can find one... Sounds like a plan.

Now...

Well here I am at the internet rather than in yoga class... but I have a good excuse, or even a couple of them.  If a guy needed excuses, that is, which he doesn't.  I was kind of bummed that Emma who is the Taiwanese teacher I have been studying with, let me know that yesterday was her last day.  I didn't realize that she was filling in for some Dutch guy who is the owner of the place.  He's teaching now, and I'll check it out tomorrow.  But the real reason I didn't go is because my Spanish friend, Nataraj is teaching a biodanza class at the Yoga Tree Studio (where I had my dance weekend) and I decided to go there for my morning workout.  So I've got a little time to kill beforehand, then it's off to class.

Nataraj and I met for dinner last night, and since he's a vegetarian, I suggested Dada which is a healthy place that I know of.  Afterward I showed him around some of the seamier side of Chiang Mai, which he hadn't experienced.  It's his first time here, so I gave him a little tour of Loy Kroh and the night market.  Loy Kroh is the zone where the bar girls (and ladyboys) work the tourist trade.  Chiang Mai is very low key in this regard, and I hear that there was some kind of concerted move to keep this kind of action in one place, rather than all over the city, so here it is.  Some noisy bars with young beauties outside trying to get you to come in and have a drink.  Many massage places, most of them legit, some of them more oriented toward 'special massage'.  There are some intersting stores with antiques, clothing, beads, Buddhist bells, 'singing bowls'.  There are restaurants, roti carts on the street, a few beggars, lots of tourists walking up and down.  During the day it's a quiet place, at night the music comes on and it's the scene.

Down Loy Kroh to the night market, 7 nights a week vendors lining the sidewalks offering tee shirts, electronics, wrist watches, more tee shirts, yoga pants, carved this and that, it's a constant bazaar.  There is a large plaza off the main drag where there are acres of vendors and it's a much mellower scene.  I'm a terrible shopper as I don't tend to care about 'stuff', but it was still nice to have a look around and see the scene.

Just got interrupted to have another lovely skype session with Julie, and those have uniformly been fantastic... to miss someone a lot, but there she is, she's happy to see me, we get to have a virtual romance and it always lifts me up.  Yes it does.

So I walked cross town afterwards to go to the Biodanza class, and I loved it again.  Very touchy feelie, lots of hugs, I hugged a bunch of guys and it's OK, a different way of being, and I think there is a lot of community building value in the form.  And my man Nataraj is a maestro, so it was great.  After the two hour class, there was a great vegetarian feast for $3 and change and it's so cool to have connected with this hip community.  There are other offerings daily, yoga classes and the like and it's right near the only park in the old city of Chiang Mai, so I strolled over there after lunch to maybe play some guitar, sit in the sun.  It was like a west coast scene there, guys strumming guitars, people doing acro-yoga, others practicing their tightrope skills, just a big hang-out with many many countries represented.

It's now 5:40pm, I need to go back to the room, take a shower and then go play my restaurant gig.  It's been going great in so many ways... no drama, no smoking or drinking, new friends and very limited time in the bar.  And when I'm there, I get to make music, then scoot.  I could use a nap, but no time now... My public awaits... ho ho ho.  Chiang Mai is quite a magnet, I'm understanding more and more why I'm here.  And I'm so glad that I got the two month visa in advance.  If I didn't have it, I'd need to be planning a visa run out of the country before too long, but now, it's a non-issue.  That was a really good move before I left.  I didn't realize I'd be hanging in Chiang Mai, but why not... it's a great place and I'm happily ensconced (again).  The shift from bar scene to yoga/dance scene was the right decision, and I'm basically just happy to be here.  And on we go.

Last bit.... Nataraj's basic theme was 'Now'.  This is it, this is the chance to feel, to express, to live, to connect right now... and Biodanza provides a great way to do it.  I was reminded of a young woman I met in Eugene a few years ago.  She had been dealing with cancer for a couple of years... one fucked up scenario after another, but her eyes were luminous.  I met her at some kind of gathering and I asked her what she had learned from her ordeal.  She was talking about how no matter what the situation, you can still be present and real and connected.  I paraphrased and asked, 'So you have to live each day?'.  She said, You have to live NOW!.

Carry a guitar around Chiang Mai...

Carry a guitar around Chiang Mai and it's amazing the kinds of situations that you encounter...  I had a desire to check out a beautiful temple I had passed on one of my walks through town, so I headed in that direction to find it again.  It's called Wat Chomphu and it's not only lovely, it's quiet and secluded with a nice courtyard and several buildings around it.  I think there is a community of monks who are based there.  I played some quiet music in the courtyard, to the amusement of some older ladies and some monks.  As the sun set, one of the monks rang the bell and a prayer service began with chanting and praying on their knees.  I stopped playing and listened a bit, then headed back toward my guest house.

Passed by White Orchid Massage, where I was introduced a couple of years ago by my friend Toby, and I know several of the women who work there.  They call me 'Richard Gere', and since I had my guitar, I played a little bit of a couple of songs... one of mine, 'Chillin' in Chiang Mai', and the Clapton song, 'Lovely Tonight'  which is the go-to tune if you want the ladies to smile and sing along.  It was a nice scene.

Headed to my favorite Pad Thai street spot where I've gone for a couple of years, I'm the only westerner who goes there, but they know me and are glad to see me.  A young Thai guy showed up with a guitar and after we ate, we got talking a bit and jammed on a song or two.  The husband of the cook was really into it and asked him if we had played together before... he was kind of incredulous that people could just start playing, but I said, 'it's a language, and the kid translated to the old man.

Went over to Dash Restaurant, where I had a little dessert and then listened to the Thai guy who plays there on alternate nights.  He's good, uses some technology, has a good act.  But when he was done, they wanted me to play some and it turned into an hour long, sit around the tables and sing together, with some Americans, Canadians, Dutch customers, lots of fun and I get to be the life of the party... humbly, of course, but I just have the skill to hear what they're singing and to pick it up.... And a few of my tunes in there as well... just another night of music and fun.

Capped off with a stop by CU Corner where I got to play some gypsy jazz with Daniel, the awesome French guitar master who I've played with before... Then he took a break and I was asked to lead some songs with two young jazzer musicians Pavel and Cristof, both good players who could follow my jazzy stuff.  We played til about midnight and then I split for home... Kind of a typical night in town... carry a guitar around and it just unfolds... Sweet....

Lucky Dog

This must be kinda boring to the folks who read my stuff the past few years... no drama, no tortured relationship issues, no travel to speak of, I'm holed up in Chiang Mai, making music, doing a daily yoga practice, eating well, getting some massages... just massages, people.  And I haven't felt the need to probe deeply in hopes of uncovering some truth that was lurking underneath the drama.  I'm basically just feeling content to be chilling out in northern Thailand, in the great city of Chiang Mai.  Some people call me a 'lucky dog'.  Sure, that works, I'm a lucky dog.

But how long will this be a great place to be?  Hard to say as it keeps changing.  This is my fourth winter spending time here, and what I notice most of all this year is the influx of Chinese, lots of them in the restaurants, on the street, in the guest houses and hotels.  And why wouldn't they be here, China is close and there are a lot of Chinese with money.  And I get the feeling that it will only increase.  China is investing madly in the region, building roads, super highways, bridges, lots of infrastructure that seems to portend a Sino centric advance in SE Asia.  Three years ago I took a two day boat ride up the Mekong River in Laos to the city of Luang Prabang.  I remember the border crossing being quite a confusing mess, going down to the river on the Thailand side, loading into dugout boats to cross over into Laos, getting out and dealing with immigration, then back into other boats to begin the journey.  Now there is a spanking new bridge over that crossing (Chinese built) and some 6 lane sections of highway along the route.  Eventually it's gonna be a high speed haul across the whole of SE Asia and up into China.  It's happening.

But for now, it's still possible to wander the streets and alleys of Chiang Mai, grab a bowl of noodle soup with pork $1, visit the temples, see friends, make music and basically enjoy the good life.  There are tons of very interesting people pretty much everywhere you turn, that's a big part of why this city is an inviting place to be.  I couldn't begin to recount all of the fascinating conversations I have on a daily basis.  Well here's one, this guy Steven is a big, Ken Kesey-like presence, round face, big body, wears his Alaska tee shirt proudly, and I've met him twice now at the coffee shop.  He is a bee expert, travels the world working with local farmers and NGOs 'Spreading the gospel of beejesus' as he describes it.  He was a beekeeper in Fairbanks for many years, now he assists on projects in Borneo, Bangladesh, Cambodia, India to name just a few.  We traded travel tales while enjoying the morning cappuccino.  He's got me by a mile, but I have a few to share as well.  Like the time I hiked across Spain along the Camino de Santiago, and at the end, you're supposed to hug the statue of Saint James (Santiago) which is in the Cathedral of Santiago de Compostola.  On the last day, I walked 25 miles, was feeling awesome, made it to the city, made it to the old city, made it to the cathedral, to find 10,000 color coordinated Christian tourists who had bussed in and were lined up half a mile deep to hug the statue.  I'm thinking 'Get the hell out of the way, I walked here, look at my walking stick' and realized the joke was on me.  Hey a joke is a good thing...

Or the chain-smoking old Irish guy, Noel I met last night at CU Corner who was extremely quick witted and big on the wordplay, and who loved my tunes.  I started playing 'What a Wonderful World' and he began to sing in a fantastic voice, knew all the words so I got to harmonize and it was great.  Folks started whipping out their phones to record it, it was so surprising.  I said, maybe I need to chain smoke so I can have a voice like that.  It was totally unexpected and wonderful. Just one of the myriad characters who come through this magnet of a place.

The weather has cleared and turned cold.  It got down to 50 last night with a stiff breeze and the Thais are freezing, running around in winter jackets and gloves.  It's all relative, of course, and it's pretty funny because I know what Americans would think of this kind of 'cold'.  'You're kidding, right?'.  I actually put on a sweatshirt last night for the first time, glad I brought it.  Played my two hour gig at the restaurant without stopping, it was nice to just crank out song after song.  I'm singing about 4 or 5 songs in Spanish to mix it up a bit.  Playing a few instrumentals that I've written over the years, singing some jazz and folk, swing and a bunch of my originals.... setting a mood as the folks enjoy there dinner.  A perfect gig for me, couldn't be happier.  And that about sums it up for the stint in Chiang Mai as well.  Just plain happy, no drama, just living in the moment and enjoying the ride.

And PS I made my third visit to the dentist yesterday, spent 75 minutes in the chair getting a filling cleaned out and reset and then getting grinded in preparation for the second crown.  Once again it was a stellar experience... had the Thai music going, felt totally confident in the skill and focus of the dentist and her assistant, breathed deep like it was a yoga session, and it was the best dental experience of my life... Who knew?  Get the new crown on Friday and then I'll be done.  Highly recommended... maybe one fifth the price of the same service in the US but way more pleasant.  Lucky dog, indeed.