I struggled a fair amount on the southern swing of this trip. It was mostly internal, though a sore back didn't help things all that much. And the source of the struggle is more or less an existential issue, as in 'What the fuck am I doing here, anyway"? I don't really have a good answer for that at the moment, but on some level, the questioning and the discomfort often can lead to something, I don't know, educational, refreshing, deep. But uh, not yet.
I have definitely been here before, out on the road, wondering what the hell, and I guess that's part of my make up, finding that lonely place and making it through to something else. Joseph Campbell talked about the Hero's Journey, well at the moment, I'm on the Zero's Journey. And it's OK
I was scuffling around on Koh Tao, which is the scuba diving destination for Thailand. Many many competing outfits have driven the price down to where it's a great location to take the 4 day open water certification course. It costs a little under $300 and when you arrive on the island, the touts are literally shouting at you to check out their place, free accommodation for the 4 days, here here, taxi taxi, scuba scuba. I thought about it once or twice and realized that I'm just not interested in that particular pursuit. I experienced it in the Bahamas a couple of times and I hated what it did to my ears.
So I did some walking and swimming on the island, didn't really connect much except with a young guy I met who was learning bass guitar and I showed him some stuff and we jammed a couple of times. But my mood was mostly less-than-stellar, disconnected and sad. My last evening there, we stopped playing at 7:40pm and I realized that if I wanted to reserve a ferry and bus ticket to Bangkok for the next day, I had to do it by 8. I had been talking with this travel agent person in the town, a nice Burmese woman who had been quite helpful and I wanted her to have the business, so I got it in my head to hustle over there and just do it, get off the island, start something else. Trouble was, I was about 25 minutes walk away from where she was so I started jogging with my guitar and uncomfortable sandals that were ripping up my feet a bit. I passed probably 20 places where I could have bought the ticket, but I wanted her business to get the commission.
So there's the old backpacker hotfooting it down the road, going as fast as his wheezing, sore backed, sore footed, guitar carrying body would carry him (oh yeah, it was a pretty sight), but at least it was something purposeful. I made it a couple of minutes after 8, but she said no problem, made the call, made the reservation for the following morning. (she also turned the fan on and aimed it at me, seeing my sweat soaked body) And then she tried to book me a train ticket up to Chiang Mai on the night train, which was sold out. There were seats available, but 12 hours is too long, so the best option is a sleeping berth.... sold out. It's high season, things are filling up. So I figured, I've been living on the cheap, sharing a room, let's splurge on a plane ticket, Bangkok to Chiang Mai... under $90 hell yes, let's do it.
It took awhile to print out the ticket for some reason, and she ended up staying open 30 minutes later than she should have, just to accommodate me. It was above and beyond, and I gave her a 200 Baht tip ($7) which she tried to refuse. I insisted and she accepted and said, 'This is what I earn in one day". I said, 'I know, thank you very much, I really appreciate your help'. It felt right.
Caught the boat, then a 7 hour bus ride up to Bangkok, not bad. It dropped us into the heart of Khao San Road, the backpacker, western-friendly mecca which is like a sweltering Times Square of hustlers, touts, street vendors, bars, tourists, quite the nightly carnival. It was great to know where I was, find my way back to the place I had stayed before, yes there was a single room with fan, shared bathroom, $8 and I was set. There is something satisfying about knowing where you are, kind of like that 'rat brain' which knows all the pathways. I've got that kind of brain, and it was pleasurable to find my way. thought about going out and experiencing it some, but I was tired and called it a night. Right move.
Some musical friends are getting together for a Christmas Eve party tonight, and there's gonna be a free buffet. I had told them I couldn't make it, but with the new itinerary, I'm gonna be there, surprise!. Sometimes you just need some friends and familiar faces to make it through, and this is clearly one of those times. In an hour, I'm taking a van to the airport and getting on a flight, and it feels good. Looking forward to seeing friends, drinking one of Noi's delicious cappuccinos, swimming in the pool at the Royal Guest House (assuming there is a room available) and seeing if I can find that creative muse which has so far eluded me. I've made a couple of fitful attempts at creating something musically but haven't really hit yet. Not quite enough focus, given my negative head space.
The weather will be noticeably cooler up there than the sweltering heat down here. I'm looking forward to the next chapter. And the ones after that too. I have to find a way to make it out of the tourist bubble which is so comfortable, yet ultimately unsatisfying. Yeah I can have my little vacation, write my little songs, but I have a need to crack the bubble somehow and get more real with this place. To be continued.
Trending positively....
Made the very smart move yesterday to take my frustrations out in physical activity, so I marched, er staggered to the highest point on the island in a sweaty, gasping slog. Haven't sweated that much since last year around this time on Koh Phangan, one island to the south of here. And I came down feeling drenched and different, clearer in my mind and more opened up generally. More of the same today, feels like the way to go. Wake up, shower, food, coffee, a little internet, then sweat. Rinse and repeat.
Looks like I'm going to drop a big $25 tomorrow for an all-day, lunch-included snorkeling trip that goes to the five best spots on the island. Hey, I'm here, I've got $25, why not? And then it will be decision time, as in do I stick around the islands for awhile or do I head north to hang with my friends in Chiang Mai. There is a music party on Christmas eve that would be fun to be part of, and my friend Harris will only be around until December 26, so if I want to hang with him, I'd have to get north. We shall see. One thing at a time.
My body is starting to lose the western layer of flab which I seem to carry around back there. Why is that, one wonders. I think it's a one word answer.... (Automobile). It's nice to be without one for an extended period of time. And truth be told, one of the real reasons that I was looking forward to being in Asia was what it does to my body. browner, trimmer and healthier. So yeah, temples? OK, Buddhas? OK, Islands and Sun? yeah, pretty great, Losing weight and loving how I feel? Now we're talking! Yup, my values are of the highest, clearly.
I'm sure I'll do a bunch of writing when I'm in a place that doesn't charge $4/hour for internet access, which is what it costs here. I have a place in Chiang Mai that I use which is 35 cents/hour. That's where the writing seems to happen.
I've been missing the ability and opportunity to contribute musically. It is a large part of my happiness, bringing joy to kids and seniors and whomever. I've been keeping it to myself here, so far, but I did have a great ninety minute session last night in the room, during which time I did some preparation for an ongoing music gig at an elementary school in Eugene. I'll be working full days, once a week beginning in April with 3rd 4th and 5th graders, and I came up with some great ideas to pursue with them. Orff arrangements for some of my tunes, and the kids will dig it. Gonna get them swinging and syncopated on a bunch of different instruments. Nice opportunity ahead.
Starting to find the muse....
Looks like I'm going to drop a big $25 tomorrow for an all-day, lunch-included snorkeling trip that goes to the five best spots on the island. Hey, I'm here, I've got $25, why not? And then it will be decision time, as in do I stick around the islands for awhile or do I head north to hang with my friends in Chiang Mai. There is a music party on Christmas eve that would be fun to be part of, and my friend Harris will only be around until December 26, so if I want to hang with him, I'd have to get north. We shall see. One thing at a time.
My body is starting to lose the western layer of flab which I seem to carry around back there. Why is that, one wonders. I think it's a one word answer.... (Automobile). It's nice to be without one for an extended period of time. And truth be told, one of the real reasons that I was looking forward to being in Asia was what it does to my body. browner, trimmer and healthier. So yeah, temples? OK, Buddhas? OK, Islands and Sun? yeah, pretty great, Losing weight and loving how I feel? Now we're talking! Yup, my values are of the highest, clearly.
I'm sure I'll do a bunch of writing when I'm in a place that doesn't charge $4/hour for internet access, which is what it costs here. I have a place in Chiang Mai that I use which is 35 cents/hour. That's where the writing seems to happen.
I've been missing the ability and opportunity to contribute musically. It is a large part of my happiness, bringing joy to kids and seniors and whomever. I've been keeping it to myself here, so far, but I did have a great ninety minute session last night in the room, during which time I did some preparation for an ongoing music gig at an elementary school in Eugene. I'll be working full days, once a week beginning in April with 3rd 4th and 5th graders, and I came up with some great ideas to pursue with them. Orff arrangements for some of my tunes, and the kids will dig it. Gonna get them swinging and syncopated on a bunch of different instruments. Nice opportunity ahead.
Starting to find the muse....
Nowhere Man
Still searching for the groove, haven't quite gotten there yet, but maybe it's getting closer. I definitely feel in between worlds, not quite here, not quite there, which I guess is nowhere. Yep, I'm a nowhere man at the moment.
So it's a bit of a challenge, wondering should I even be here at all, which of course doesn't help matters. I was in Hua Hin, 4 hours south of Bangkok, a couple of days ago, and was going to do some morning yoga on the beach. I sat down on my towel, made a wrong move in starting to stretch and pulled something out of whack. I blurted out, 'Ow' which is usually a sign that I'm in store for a few days of pain, and yep, that's what happened. Kinda moving around like an old man, not too bad, but it fits the nowhere state of my mind. Not a coincidence, in other words.
I've been rooming with a 35 year old French Canadian guy I met while taking the train into Bangkok, and we're both cheap enough to value the ability to save on room rental by sharing a space. It's OK, nothing great, and I'm ready to make some other arrangements. He's heading off to meet some friends in Phuket within a few days, and I'm in a day by day state of 'whatever'.
I do like the Thai people that I meet, at least the ones who are not purely in it for the tourist dollars. I'd rather go to an all Thai breakfast spot with no English spoken and smile my way through the meal than be in one of the joints that caters to the Farang. Just feels better that way. It's a pattern, and the little bit of Thai that I can manage is starting to come back. Ready to learn some more.
I'm on Koh Tao now, a small island in the south of Thailand and it's chock full of dive schools where people can get their certification. I'm not really interested in that, but the island is beautiful, jungles and beach and hip tourists (who don't like to make eye contact, but so it goes). I'm thinking of bringing my guitar down to a shady spot and see if I can stir up some energy, see if I can shake loose a musician or two. I'm one island away from Koh Phangan where I had a great experience last year, (Bhang Lassi), so maybe something good will happen before the apocalypse.
Internet is very expensive here, so I'll keep this post short... not that I have anything great to say anyway... being a nowhere man and all that... That's right, it ain't all magic and margaritas on the road... oh well.
So it's a bit of a challenge, wondering should I even be here at all, which of course doesn't help matters. I was in Hua Hin, 4 hours south of Bangkok, a couple of days ago, and was going to do some morning yoga on the beach. I sat down on my towel, made a wrong move in starting to stretch and pulled something out of whack. I blurted out, 'Ow' which is usually a sign that I'm in store for a few days of pain, and yep, that's what happened. Kinda moving around like an old man, not too bad, but it fits the nowhere state of my mind. Not a coincidence, in other words.
I've been rooming with a 35 year old French Canadian guy I met while taking the train into Bangkok, and we're both cheap enough to value the ability to save on room rental by sharing a space. It's OK, nothing great, and I'm ready to make some other arrangements. He's heading off to meet some friends in Phuket within a few days, and I'm in a day by day state of 'whatever'.
I do like the Thai people that I meet, at least the ones who are not purely in it for the tourist dollars. I'd rather go to an all Thai breakfast spot with no English spoken and smile my way through the meal than be in one of the joints that caters to the Farang. Just feels better that way. It's a pattern, and the little bit of Thai that I can manage is starting to come back. Ready to learn some more.
I'm on Koh Tao now, a small island in the south of Thailand and it's chock full of dive schools where people can get their certification. I'm not really interested in that, but the island is beautiful, jungles and beach and hip tourists (who don't like to make eye contact, but so it goes). I'm thinking of bringing my guitar down to a shady spot and see if I can stir up some energy, see if I can shake loose a musician or two. I'm one island away from Koh Phangan where I had a great experience last year, (Bhang Lassi), so maybe something good will happen before the apocalypse.
Internet is very expensive here, so I'll keep this post short... not that I have anything great to say anyway... being a nowhere man and all that... That's right, it ain't all magic and margaritas on the road... oh well.
Laughing at...... (myself)
Oh yes, the intrepid traveler was off on a mission.... to buy a cheap guitar in Bangkok. And who is more sophisticated than this experienced wanderer, this erudite 'earth citizen'. Uh, anyone, apparently.
First I asked at the Guest House where I've been staying. She said 'go to Department Store, have guitars'. I said, no, I want to go to a music store. She said, 'don't have'. I said, 'yes have'. We smiled and said goodbye. I talked to the tuk tuk driver who overcharged me, of course, but took me to the right place... not all that far from where I'm staying. I figured I could find my way back here on foot. Note to self... whatever the tuk tuk driver quotes you for a price... come back with an offer about 1/3 of what he said. That seems to be in the ballpark. But hey, I've been took by a tuk tuk before.
So I get to the guitar place and start trying out a bunch that were in my price range. I found one that I liked well enough, steel string, Chinese made, holds its tune, good sound for the $100 price tag. I was going to ask if there were any other shops around, but I figured, this one is pretty good, I like the kid who was helping me, let's do it. Bought the guitar, a strap, cloth case, extra strings. He knocked the price down some, threw in half a dozen picks and voila, Glauber has a guitar. Nice... Intrepid traveler scores.
But then when I left the shop, I noticed there was another guitar place right next door, and another and another and another and another. I was in the flippin 'Garment District' of guitar places. How did I not notice this? I could have spent the day trying out dozens of guitars until finally settling on the best one for me. Could have played one place off against the next. Could have been the sophisticated man about town. But no, I bought from the first guy I met. And ya know what? I'm happy about it. Humble and happy. The experience was just right and I've got something I can use. something to create with.
First I asked at the Guest House where I've been staying. She said 'go to Department Store, have guitars'. I said, no, I want to go to a music store. She said, 'don't have'. I said, 'yes have'. We smiled and said goodbye. I talked to the tuk tuk driver who overcharged me, of course, but took me to the right place... not all that far from where I'm staying. I figured I could find my way back here on foot. Note to self... whatever the tuk tuk driver quotes you for a price... come back with an offer about 1/3 of what he said. That seems to be in the ballpark. But hey, I've been took by a tuk tuk before.
So I get to the guitar place and start trying out a bunch that were in my price range. I found one that I liked well enough, steel string, Chinese made, holds its tune, good sound for the $100 price tag. I was going to ask if there were any other shops around, but I figured, this one is pretty good, I like the kid who was helping me, let's do it. Bought the guitar, a strap, cloth case, extra strings. He knocked the price down some, threw in half a dozen picks and voila, Glauber has a guitar. Nice... Intrepid traveler scores.
But then when I left the shop, I noticed there was another guitar place right next door, and another and another and another and another. I was in the flippin 'Garment District' of guitar places. How did I not notice this? I could have spent the day trying out dozens of guitars until finally settling on the best one for me. Could have played one place off against the next. Could have been the sophisticated man about town. But no, I bought from the first guy I met. And ya know what? I'm happy about it. Humble and happy. The experience was just right and I've got something I can use. something to create with.
How do you spell 'alienation'?
Well let's see, I would spell it like this... 'A couple of western tourists getting foot massages while surfing the internet on their smart phones'. Something about that scene stuck out somehow, as if they are the masters and the lowly women rubbing their feet were some kind of hands-on potted plants. Not cool.... at least to this judgmental westerner. But of course, if I am to judge 'tourism', then it's an exercise in self-loathing, because I am it. But those smart phones are getting to be too much... Everyone is surfing, photographing, talking, recording, mediating at all times. It's amazing how quickly it has become the new normal.... Kind of grosses me out, but oh well...
Yesterday I basically crashed out and tried to get acclimated to the time change. Slept most of the day, read the Haj, by Leon Uris, a very interesting take on the Arab view of the world.... It's pretty scathing in its portrayal, as would befit the author of 'Exodus' but it's a good read nonetheless. Apparently all the Jews are heroic forward-thinkers, while the Arabs are simple-minded, misogynistic power trippers who use Islam as a refuge and justification for their failed society. I take it with quite the grain of salt, but there is enough historical information in the book to keep it interesting. It's good to be reading again... I miss it.
This morning I was up at 6am to get a walk in, start figuring out the geography, which way is north, where is the river, stuff like that, and I even managed to find my way back where I started from.... Wonder of wonders. A little coffee, and I'm starting to feel like I've arrived. Today is Saturday and I'm gonna buy that guitar that I need, maybe grab a tuk tuk and tell the driver that I need a music store or two. There was a terrible little street jam last night around the corner, led by a Japanese dread who played an out of tune guitar and sang with a lisp. Other than that, it was pretty good. (he said with some sarcasm) The folks who gathered on the corner were quite the international mix... some Chinese girls, one of whom had just ridden a bicycle from China to London... took her a year. I talked with a couple of young US guys, friends from the military, who were in Bangkok to drink beers and smoke lousy weed. One of them had just completed 8 years in the Navy where he was a 'Pirate interdiction' squad member, and it was heartbreaking enough that it propelled him out of the service. He talked about boarding ships, and seeing people in desperate need, broke down, drifting at sea, no food, no water, kids on board, and they weren't allowed to help them. They could give them some rations and water, but beyond that, hey good luck.
It's hot and sticky at all hours of the day, but there was a breeze on the river, and it was nice to be moving and seeing. Got to this one place where the old ladies were doing Tai Chi, some younger people were working out to some horrid techno-zumba groove, being taught by an emaciated looking instructor. Yikes! But hey, people got to move. (I guess). Not to be judgmental, of course.
In other words, nothing much to report, just trying to get my feet on the ground. And I'm wondering if I even want to write. (of course I do). But the last couple of years I've been extremely open about what goes on in my brain, good and bad, and maybe that desire has run its course. We shall see...
Yesterday I basically crashed out and tried to get acclimated to the time change. Slept most of the day, read the Haj, by Leon Uris, a very interesting take on the Arab view of the world.... It's pretty scathing in its portrayal, as would befit the author of 'Exodus' but it's a good read nonetheless. Apparently all the Jews are heroic forward-thinkers, while the Arabs are simple-minded, misogynistic power trippers who use Islam as a refuge and justification for their failed society. I take it with quite the grain of salt, but there is enough historical information in the book to keep it interesting. It's good to be reading again... I miss it.
This morning I was up at 6am to get a walk in, start figuring out the geography, which way is north, where is the river, stuff like that, and I even managed to find my way back where I started from.... Wonder of wonders. A little coffee, and I'm starting to feel like I've arrived. Today is Saturday and I'm gonna buy that guitar that I need, maybe grab a tuk tuk and tell the driver that I need a music store or two. There was a terrible little street jam last night around the corner, led by a Japanese dread who played an out of tune guitar and sang with a lisp. Other than that, it was pretty good. (he said with some sarcasm) The folks who gathered on the corner were quite the international mix... some Chinese girls, one of whom had just ridden a bicycle from China to London... took her a year. I talked with a couple of young US guys, friends from the military, who were in Bangkok to drink beers and smoke lousy weed. One of them had just completed 8 years in the Navy where he was a 'Pirate interdiction' squad member, and it was heartbreaking enough that it propelled him out of the service. He talked about boarding ships, and seeing people in desperate need, broke down, drifting at sea, no food, no water, kids on board, and they weren't allowed to help them. They could give them some rations and water, but beyond that, hey good luck.
It's hot and sticky at all hours of the day, but there was a breeze on the river, and it was nice to be moving and seeing. Got to this one place where the old ladies were doing Tai Chi, some younger people were working out to some horrid techno-zumba groove, being taught by an emaciated looking instructor. Yikes! But hey, people got to move. (I guess). Not to be judgmental, of course.
In other words, nothing much to report, just trying to get my feet on the ground. And I'm wondering if I even want to write. (of course I do). But the last couple of years I've been extremely open about what goes on in my brain, good and bad, and maybe that desire has run its course. We shall see...
Grinding
I'm in a bit of an altered state, sitting here in the humid Bangkok open air guest house where I'm staying. Found a super cheap place to spend this first night... a $12 room that I'm sharing with a fellow traveler from Quebec, who I met at the airport. We both had the same thought after arriving last night at midnight. Why go into town and try to find a room in the middle of the night, when it's easier (and free) to just crash out a few hours until daybreak. That's what I was thinking anyhow, and I had a relatively pleasant few hours reading and snoozing, then had some energy at 5:45 am, so let's go. Turns out there is a train that runs into town fromthe airport, so I got that figured out and caught the first train of the day into town. That's where i met the guy from Quebec, so we ended up sharing a cab ride to Khao San Street, the heart of the Bangkok for Westerners scene.
Most places were full at 7am, at least until folks start checking out, but we found a spot that was clean and available, and we were both ready to call it 'good'. So here I am on day one, showered, tired, and quite content to be not walking around with a backpack. Nap time, stretch time, food time, take it easy time. Couldn't have gone much smoother, given the miles involved. zzzzzzzzz
Most places were full at 7am, at least until folks start checking out, but we found a spot that was clean and available, and we were both ready to call it 'good'. So here I am on day one, showered, tired, and quite content to be not walking around with a backpack. Nap time, stretch time, food time, take it easy time. Couldn't have gone much smoother, given the miles involved. zzzzzzzzz
Quips and slips...
Ever have that experience where you're not really aware of something, and then
Boom! it hits you right between the thighs.
My buddy went to the Smith Family Bookstore to buy a book about 'probability', and the store was closed, on a Saturday afternoon. What are the odds?
I had a grilled chicken sandwich for dinner.... film at eleven.
Hail Mary, full of Grace
This old church is now a market place
Everybody eats when we all come to pitch in
I hear there's gonna be a big commercial kitchen
It's amazing but there's one more thing to match
A lot of business is about to hatch...
This old church is now a market place
Everybody eats when we all come to pitch in
I hear there's gonna be a big commercial kitchen
It's amazing but there's one more thing to match
A lot of business is about to hatch...
Don't worry bout the rain, never mind the weather
We bring the heat when we all get together
There's something growing and it's gonna be great
A little seed begins to germinate
The Tigers Destroit the Yankees. George Steinbrenner is turning over in hell...
I have to share this one from my LA cousin. She writes,
'A source of great comfort after a funeral is the traditional "Stampeding of the Jews" to the buffet, especially when poached or pickled fish is involved'.
'A source of great comfort after a funeral is the traditional "Stampeding of the Jews" to the buffet, especially when poached or pickled fish is involved'.
What's nu?
(Yiddish joke.... what? I should explain it to you?)
(Yiddish joke.... what? I should explain it to you?)
Looks a little different in the street
Can't believe the creatures that I meet
Passing like a carnival parade
Quite a sight, but tonight I'm not afraid
'Trick or Treat', you hear them call
The wind whistles and the leaves fall
Wolves howl, witches fly
Dark shadows across the sky
Can't believe the creatures that I meet
Passing like a carnival parade
Quite a sight, but tonight I'm not afraid
'Trick or Treat', you hear them call
The wind whistles and the leaves fall
Wolves howl, witches fly
Dark shadows across the sky
Spirits come to make the scene
The good, the bad, and the in-between
Wishing you a Happy Halloween!
The good, the bad, and the in-between
Wishing you a Happy Halloween!
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