Woke up, got out of bed...

It's a drag inside my head. Yes, that's a Beatles reference, young people, oh never mind.... Well here we are with an hour to write before heading across town to the recording studio and that particular brand of magic. I feel myself slipping into the morass of unfocused and 'what's the use' sadness, largely because I couldn't bestir myself off the couch last night and between too much basketball and too much food (boredom based), I wake up this morning feeling less than hard charging. Actually kind of pissed at myself and wanting to punish somehow. But hey, at least that's a feeling, right? And it's even kind of welcome, on some depressing level. And yeah, I'd definitely rather write about how wonderful and vibrant things are, but it don't come easy, you know it don't come easy.

I feel like I could quote Baby Boomer Rock songs forever this morning, but the one that is in my head at the moment is Gimme Shelter by the Stones from 1969. And even though I can't really relate to the lyric, there is something about the idea of 'war, children, it's just a shot away, it's just a shot away' that has always appealed to me. And even though Mick and Keith never talked about 'it's just a breath away, it's just a breath away', I often tend to go to that idea as a sort of signpost of the fact that life and feelings can just turn on a dime and boom, you're into a new direction.

Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away

I just read a friends status update on Facebook in which he says basically, 'I'm still wondering, what's it all about, (Alfie)'. I concur with that sentiment. And I like the idea of reinventing oneself many many times over a lifetime, over a year, over a moment. It's just a breath away, and that is a marvelous freedom. Who could have come up with something like that? You'd think that the creator would make this world in which everyone and everything had an assigned role to play. If God was a power tripper, that's how he'd do it? But here we are and we still have choices to make at every turn. Should I stay or should I go? To be or not to be, What's it all about, Alfie, is it just for the moment we live?

Wow, who knew the song Alfie could make me cry, but that's what happened when it got to the real point of the song. I was just listening and burst into tears (surprisingly) when it got to the 'I believe in love, Alfie' resolution to the question. Gee whiz.

As sure as I believe there's a heaven above, Alfie,
I know there's something much more,
something even non-believers can believe in.
I believe in love, Alfie.
Without true love we just exist, Alfie.
Until you find the love you've
missed you're nothing, Alfie.
When you walk let your heart lead the way
and you'll find love any day, Alfie, Alfie.

When you walk, let your heart lead the way.... so true

The fact that I'm so open to letting lyrics and melody affect me deeply reminds me of the time that Tiny Tim came to play a gig at a bar in Eugene. He was old and kinda beat up by life, but he sang those old songs with a fervor and a belief that were touching. And afterward, a bunch of us sat around while he held court, and I realized that we belonged to the same church, the church of Tin Pan Alley and popular music. Because there are some songs that can tap into the real feelings and emotions that are churning inside us, looking for an avenue to the surface. And that seems to be my goal this time around. To go inside and find them, feel them, share them, live in them, express them, finesse them, let them rise to the light, see the sun.

Strange that for a guy who 'lets his heart lead the way', I'm a cynical wise ass, and now that I write it, it makes sense. Everyone needs protection, everyone needs some shelter. But I don't need shelter to hole up and shut out the world. I need shelter to gather my wits and then try again to find the muse. Come back into the light and into the dance of life. Come into the springtime of life and let it blossom once more. (OK clouds, are you listening?) Isn't it time for you to lift and float somewhere else. Scat!