In a similar way to last year, I found myself nervous before heading off on my sojourn to Asia. A year ago, I worried about things like, 'what if I get sick', 'what if I die', 'I don't know what I'm doing' in the period a few weeks before departure. And what solved the nervousness then was the simple decision to take along my flamenco guitar on the trip. There was something comforting in the knowledge that I'd have a 'friend' along with me, someone to turn to, connect with, spend quality time with. When all is said and done, I don't need a lot to be content. If I have a creative outlet (and inlet), then the rest seems to take care of itself.
I must have had some kind of inner knowing about that, because once I made the decision that the guitar was coming along on the trip, the nervousness was gone, pretty much instantly. And it turns out that those two months represented the most sustained and disciplined creative spurt that I've experienced.
This year, the nerves were different, helped along perhaps by the fact that Bangkok is experiencing the worst flooding in the last 50 years and there is some uncertainty about what I'll find there. I was nervous about that, as well as about more familiar existential questions of 'what am I doing', 'am I running away', does it represent a 'success' or a 'failure' to be a 58 year old guy tripping around SE Asia.
Adding to the stress was the difficulty I had in acquiring an online ticket out of Bangkok, which is a key purchase, because the best solution for avoiding the floods is to not even leave the airport. Fly in, clear customs and immigration, then fly out of the capital and into the journey. But without a ticket, it could get dicey, especially with people cramming into the airports, looking to get away too.
My plan was to experience some of the beaches and islands of the south, especially early in the trip because by mid December, it's full on tourist season, so I figured that November would be a better time to make an appearance. I put out the word to my Thailand based Facebook friends, asking around for their recommendations, and my buddy Michael mentioned that he has a friend living down in the islands who I should make contact with. (gracias Facebook). I got hold of Adam, introduced myself and he gave me some real good information, which I have acted upon. I'm going to visit his part of the world in Koh Phangan, which requires a flight to Koh Samui and then a boat ride to the neighboring island of Phangan. (if the sea isn't too choppy). So I needed a flight to Koh Samui.
Went online, found flights via Bangkok Air (which leaves from the same airport where I arrive). Most flights were sold out, but the early morning one was available, which is perfect because I arrive at 11pm, need a couple hours to clear customs and immigration, and then I plan to snooze on the airport floor until flying out. An early morning flight would be perfect. I filled out the information, filled in my Visa information, hit 'submit' and then another screen popped up, this one some kind of 'Visa Protect' deal to make sure there was no fraud going on. Filled in the information, hit 'submit', but there was a problem. Something was incorrect. Filled it in again, carefully, hit 'submit' same problem, did it again, same problem. 'MOTHERFUCKER!!' I screamed at the computer. I was so fucking close, did the research, found the flight, booked the flight and now my Visa is screwing with me. Called Wells Fargo very frustrated, got into that Kafka-esque maze of machines and transferred calls to try and rectify the problem. Spent an hour on the phone to no avail. Meanwhile the flight that I booked was reserved for me, but I had 24 hours to take care of the money or else the ticket would be canceled. I needed to call the Bangkok office of the airline.
Went to the Asian market here in town, bought a phone card for calls to Asia, dialed the number, waited awhile then got through. The woman on the other end said hello, I said hello, she said 'I can't hear you', I say HELLO.... she can't hear me, it's not working out. I decided to let that ticket expire and try again. I needed to wait, because earlier I had tried to rebook the ticket online, but since there was a reservation already, the computer wouldn't let me do it. It told me to call the Bangkok office.... Uh, oh forget it.
Tried again yesterday, good, there's still one flight available, filled in the information, entered the Visa number, Visa Protect pops up again, screws me again.... more time on the phone with Wells Fargo but after 5 or 6 people, I finally got to someone there who explained a few things correctly. Tried my other credit card, it worked, ticket is booked (after three days of trying)
And the stress lifted pretty much instantly, to be replaced with excitement and anticipation. Seems like the nervousness is part of the package to be discarded one way or another. Maybe it's some kind of gate that keeps people from stepping out of the box. I'm not immune to it, but I'm willing to go through it and see what lies behind door number two. It's hard traveling between worlds, because the rules of one region tend to want to pin you to that reality. There is some rite of passage that must be paid, and I seem to pay it in stress. But hey, I'm all paid up and the ticket is bought and paid for. Funny how the hardest part of the travel comes before the first step.... Hmmmmm
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