The Fifth Principle (toughest one for me)

My personal 'torah' is something I came up with in the early 90's, when I was trying to formalize my ideas about how to successfully make music with other people. A lot of times, when folks get together to jam, it's frustrating, unfocused, the egos come out, but then there are those times when magic happens. I thought that if I could understand what made the great times great, then maybe I could use that information to have more successful and satisying experiences in the future. I came up with what I call, 'The Five Principles', and though I originally was working within a musical framework, it quickly become clear that these principles are more than just musical ones. They became my 'operating system', they are the way that I interpret human interactions and communication.

I'm thinking of principle number 5 today, which has always had a bit of mystery attached to it. Before I dig in, let me quickly list the four which precede it.

1 Music is a 'spiritual opportunity'. You give it your best effort. Pieces begin and end in silence, thereby distinguishing them from the noise of everyday sound. Each musical gathering offers a chance for profound spiritual connection, with one another and maybe with something deeper.

2 You need to be able to 'copy someone else' in music, join with their rhythm or feeling or melody. Like water, you need to be able to 'take the shape of the vessel'. The ability to join someone else's idea is a vital musical skill.

3. 'Rhythmic integrity'.... Can you hold down a part so that another person can use your solid base to build something else, take a solo, add a counterpoint, find a complement. These things can only happen if you can hold on to your part. People are 'counting' on you.

4. 'listening and silence' within the musical conversation. Nothing is worse than the guy who won't leave room for others to find a spot. The 'more cowbell' guy from that skit is a good example. Or the drummer who overpowers with sixteenth notes, or the person who talks too much and doesn't let anyone else get a word in. You need silence within the music to foster dialogue and participation.

5. 'Dynamics and the willingness to change'. Music is only captivating if it moves between loud and soft, fast and slow, insistent and thoughtful, name your opposites, there is a place for them in music (and life). And there is a mystical quality in number 5. I remember being in an outdoor drum jam at the University of Oregon when we were in a nice easy groove. Something shifted in the wind, the leaves started rustling, clouds started blowing in and that change in the weather got reflected in the drums. It was like a brush fire and we all got swept along in the natural change in the molecules; before long we were ripping along like a hurricane. It just happened and people followed the energy. Not a word was spoken, it didn't need to be.

It's hard to change. We get locked into our pattens, tape loops and prejudices and it becomes easy to tailor one's perceptions to conform to our pre-formed ideas. One of the ways in which I don't change is when I start judging others and forget to exemine my own behavior and thoughts. I'm guessing that I'm not alone in that particular conceit. It's just easier to blame others, to be triggered by others, to want to change the other. It's much harder to say, 'OK, what am I doing that is continuing this pattern?' Is there a way for me to alter my behavior or my judgments? Can I grow into something more than I am? Am I willing to do that work? Am I willing to change?

M and I have been going around and around on the alcohol topic. We get stuck in a familiar argument that frustrates her and brings out my stubbornness. I'm just not ready to let it go,,, and in saying that last sentence, I got a pinprick sensation that says, um Rich, maybe you need to let it go. 'But I don't want to let it go' says the counter argument. 'I'm doing it for her' he continues unconvincingly. 'She's not happy in this pattern, how can I help her to change it' (he continues with the focus once again on 'the other' instead of on myself where it belongs).

I think I need to just back off and (gulp) trust her. Because when I persist and insist, she just reacts and goes into her pattern, her denial, the walls come up, nothing good happens. And maybe it's not about the 'outcome', but more about the process. In the rarefied world of my little corner of cyberspace, I have clarity and I can sense the truth. There is something for me to learn here and I got a flash of it in that little pinprick. (deep exhalation just now). I can change my behavior, why not? I'm sick of the argument too. Let's shine a different light. I'm willing...