Am I fooling myself?

Low energy this morning, seems like I'm fighting off a cold, feeling sluggish with not a thing to say, but I'm too habituated to writing every morning, so what the hell, let's do it again and see if anything emerges. Nope, nothing there, goodbye.
(he said with a sluggish attempt at humor). But isn't that the way things really are... in between the moments of inspiration are many many moments of just plain old existence, make-it-through-the-day living. Is it some kind of conceit to think each moment should be filled with rapturous imaginings, passionate feelings and wondrous experiences? Likely so, and in my case, I can conjure it up as a failing on my part.... Gee, whatsisname is going through Vietnam on a motorcycle, these guys are trekking in the Himalayas, this one is getting scuba certified in Indonesia... while I sip a cappuccino every morning and then saunter over to the internet cafe and see if I can gaze at my navel in a new and interesting way... (first chuckle of the day, and I'm not quite sure why)

Nah, I'm not about to go down the road of 'poor me', that would be so lame, and so untrue. I'm extremely blessed at this point, yeah, even in my boring and safe existence here in Chiang Mai. I get to make music on a regular basis, both alone and with others, and that in itself is a HUGE asset. It's that communion which is available whenever I choose to taste it, and if 'music is a sacred opportunity', which is what I believe, (Principle number 1) then I get a chance to get sacred quite frequently. And yes, I can get sacred in a barroom, playing with and for drunk people.

Last night I saw 'Downtown Johnny' at the CU and he was wanting to play. I asked him if he'd like me to back him on bass, and he said, 'sure'. (not that I've ever backed him before, but he knows I can play). This guy is a true original, a Vietnam war vet, quite scarred, I think he's on a military disability pension, got a bad alcohol problem, though he is periodically on the wagon....not at the moment however. He's tall, gaunt, disheveled,speaks with a pronounced New England accent (he's from Maine), and when he's not drinking he looks depressed and terrible. And oh by the way, he sings like one of God's Angels, in a powerful, soulful, gut-wrenching voice that blows people away every time. He's just got that thing that you can't put your finger on, but you know it when you hear it. Soul.

But he's tough to deal with, especially for Jeff because Johnny needs the sound to be the way he wants it, the mic turned up, some delay on the guitar, and even if it's late and Jeff wants to start winding things down, Johnny needs it the way he needs it, or he can't play. So there's this natural clash that happens regularly, and Jeff has to suck it up and try to keep everybody happy. Not easy. But off we go in a seven song set, let's see, what did we play? 'Ferry Cross the Mersey', 'Jealous guy', 'Ain't No Sunshine When She's Gone', 'Stand By Me', a few others I can't conjure back up right now, and it was GREAT! People love this guy. And I love being a side man, just focusing in, getting into his groove (principle 2), being a supporter, letting him shine. The songs were fairly simple, but Johnny just uses them as vehicles for letting his voice soar. (Man, if I had that kind of vocal talent, holy crap). It's exciting to be around...

He didn't say anything to me during the set, but afterwards he was effusive in his praise, 'You did great. It's so hard to find someone who can follow me. What are you doing on the 21st, I have a private gig and could you play bass for it?' I said I didn't have a bass here, but if you could score one for me to use, I'd be happy to play the gig. Just another night at the CU, 'the usual crowd shuffles in'... to coin a Billy Joel line from 'Piano Man'. I mentioned that to Jeff and he said, yeah, many times he thinks of that song in reference to the CU. I thought about doing a rewrite, but nah, not really, the idea fell by the wayside in 5 minutes or so...

Yeah, I'm probably coming down with a cold, and it wouldn't surprise me if I picked it up from these computers, where I was totally grossed out the other day as kids were sneezing, hacking, picking their noses and continuing to type away. Might have to find a new spot to work, though of course most places would offer the same germ pool. Where's my vitamin C. (like the Brits say, where the 'vit' rhymes with 'twit')

I've been singing my latest tune several times a day and it's feeling great, which means that it's time to get rolling on a new song... keep the energy going. I don't have any ideas at the moment, but I'll put my mind to it after a nap and see if I can imagine a direction. It's interesting at this point in that I have several different strategies for beginning. I can just start singing unaccompanied to see if I can stumble onto something that clicks. I can go 'music theory' and explore some harmonic thing that I like from a different song, see if I can write something using that trick. I can think in terms of 'groove', what kind of rhythm would I like to work with, what's missing from my repertoire? I can just sit and think lyrically, is there some turn of phrase that catches my ear, and can I expand upon it. I've written songs based on all of these starting strategies, (as well as a few more), so it's kind of pleasing to have a varied way of going about things.... and then when I've had my nap, read in my book, had my swim, said goodbye to M as she goes off to work, there is a point when I say, OK, Rich, spend some creative time, whatcha got?.

I've been two months on the road now, and here's what I've come up with so far:

Bossa Nova in F (with a harmonic element borrowed from 'Desafinado' and 'Take the A Train')
Mid tempo jazz thing in D (no words yet)
He's Got What it Takes (old time swing in G)
Everybody's Wrong But You (E minor blues with a twist)
Bhang Lassie (reggae in B minor)
Rockin' the Swing (mid-tempo swing in F)
'Chillin' in Chiang Mai' (reggae in E)
'Same Same' (Latin jazz in A minor)
'Ballad in C' (no words yet, but a nice melody and interesting changes)

So that's nine tunes in nine weeks, 6 have lyrics, and I'm satisfied with that level of output. It's what let's me justify my not going off and adventuring. My 'adventure' seems to be internal and artistic in nature, so I'm going with that for now. Am I fooling myself? (maybe, but don't we all, on some level?) And interestingly enough, when I wrote, 'am I fooling myself' I got a tiny little reaction inside that suggests...'hmmm interesting concept...wonder if there's a tune there'. It's that little flicker of interest in a certain part of my brain... a little bell goes off in the part that is always on the lookout for the next turn of phrase, the next seed of an idea. (but hey, maybe I'm just fooling myself, he said with forced irony). But yeah, there's something there... I'll think about it after I sleep....