The wheat from the chaff

Is it enough to just enjoy life, not feel the need to accomplish something?  In my case, probably not, though I'd rarely be mistaken for a Type A personality.  But now that I'm in Thailand, I have the niggling thought that I need to create, to dive inside, put some things together, write some lyrics, come up with something new, in a word, to create.  So I'll sit down here with basically nothing to say, and see if anything emerges.

And right away, I have the realization that the true creation comes from honesty... and as long as I'm wanting to censor my thoughts, not reveal too much, it's as though there is a filter on the source of the magic.  Hmmm it's quite the dilemma.  And I'm not the first one to face it.  But in the past, I've been burned by revealing too much, speaking too candidly.  But maybe that's not true either, though it seemed like it at the time.

A couple of years ago I was writing quite honestly about a relationship with my Thai girlfriend, the ups and the downs, the drinking, the 'connection', the love, the money, the whole experience.  It was therapeutic for me, and entertaining for my few readers.  But there were some repercussions down the line.  For one, the woman (former Facebook friend) who runs the stage I played on at Country Fair, came to the conclusion that I couldn't be a 'kids entertainer' and write about adult stuff, and she used that as a major reason why I didn't get the gig I had been used to in the past.  I thought it was a totally bullshit move on her part... especially where she said that she showed my blog to some other folks from the fair and they all agreed with her perception.  Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy, not one of those folks would have had any possibility of reading what I wrote, other than for the fact of her sharing it, and then to use that as a pretext... like I say, 'bullshit move'.  Like I say, 'former Facebook friend'.

And along the same lines, but more understandably... I had a relationship going with a woman in Eugene last year, and she was fine with me going to Thailand for the winter.... until she started reading the blog from the previous year... and that freaked her out and she was convinced that I was 'still in love with M' and that was the end of that.  She couldn't deal with that thought, even though I had broken up with M in order to keep things clean and neat for the new relationship... or so I thought.  It was another example of the one-plus-one equals zero theory that I have about relationships.  Oh so true in this case.

But in retrospect, did I really need that Country Fair gig?  No I didn't... it had run its course and I don't miss that Bacchanal in July.  And was that relationship going to survive?  No it wasn't, as there was a 'communication' issue throughout the months and that would have crushed it eventually.  This was just a shortcut to the inevitable end.  Not a pleasant one, to be sure, but whatever, it was the right thing.

The point being that maybe my thought that I got 'burned' by revealing too much is incorrect.  Maybe it actually helped me separate the wheat from the chaff.

The older I get, the more I want to give

Day 4 out of 100 begins with an early wake-up (as usual) and a walk around the corner for the morning cappuccino.  What?!  She's not there?!  Ah no problem, I'm hyper enough at the moment.  My sleep is totally whack so far, up most of the night, wanting to sleep from the late afternoon into the evening.  And ya know what?  It doesn't make a difference since I'm not working at the moment and a guy like that can sleep in any of the 24 hours that he chooses.

What does make a difference is some chest discomfort I had yesterday afternoon... not severe but slightly worrisome, and once the worry and adrenaline kick in, then it's easy to get more worried.  It probably is the way I'm gonna depart this plane, if family history be a guide (and it be), but I'm hoping that it's not for a long long time.  Let's see, paternal grandfather, check, maternal grandfather, check, father (some heart issues) hmmm.  Well I'm pretty healthy in my choices so here's hoping.  Anyhow, when I go back to the States I'll sign up for Obamacare and actually be able to see a doctor.  The only time I've ever had health insurance as an adult is the brief period I was married in Canada.  I've been very lucky so far, but we knew that.

And on the health front, I took my friend Toby's advice and visited the Elite Dental Clinic which is fifteen minutes down the road.  I had busted a tooth in Eugene a couple of weeks ago and figured that it would be way better to take care of it here, so I have an appointment for 11am this morning.  A free visit to assess the situation and then we'll make a plan.  And wow, I think I'll get a good teeth cleaning as well.  It's probably been ten years, but I just can't get with the American Dental Establishment anymore.  I made that decision after spending $2000 cash to get a crown put in, and it failed within 3 years.  When I went back to the dentist, he shrugged his shoulders and said, 'nothing lasts forever'.  In my mind I replied, yeah fuck you.  That was my last visit.  Makes total sense to do stuff here, so I will.

I brought my good guitar over here this year... a slight risk because you never know what's gonna happen on a plane, but it was all smooth and now I'm set up with a pro guitar which is a nice thing to have on this side of the world.  Tonight I'll play at the weekly 'Yummy Pizza' jam, thanks to a phone call from my buddy John (the most interesting man in the world) Fengler, who will drive me out there and probably roll some video of a song or two.  They like my stuff over here, so it makes him look good to bring in a ringer for this gig.  Looking forward to it.  And Noi, who owns the uber successful 'Dash Restaurant' in Chiang Mai, has asked me to play a few nights of background music for her diners.  That's a paying gig, and one of the reasons it's good to have a pro guitar.  I'll leave out the Boom Boom and Happy Finnish Girls material, and be a little more Tin Pan Alley and standard stuff.  (but some originals for sure).  That's a nice gig.  Noi is a Thai woman who lives half the year here and half in Seattle, and last summer I put her up for a night when she was coming through Eugene, gave her a place to stay and took her to dinner... payback time :-)

And since I've set it up that this trip is 100 days, it seems like a good idea to have some kind of a theme going.  What's it all about, what's the purpose?  I know that it's not to just consume and focus on myself, although there is certainly some of that.  But the older I get, the more I want to give.  And so I do.   It can take a lot of forms, many of them musical ones.  The other night, we were jamming in CU Corner and it's as simple as leaving space for Jelly to play his tin whistle solo while I'm on guitar.  We'll be singing the song and then when it's time for the solo, I'll quiet way down, the focus goes to him, he gets to shine.  (I wish more musicians understood this truth... to play quietly so others can shine... sigh). 

And when I was sitting and drinking my noodle soup and the tiny old lady came by, going to every table looking for a handout, I realized that I had a pocketful of change, so here's most of it.  I know she needed it, if she was able to sit around in a comfortable place, I'm sure that she would...I think I'm gonna do that on a regular basis... keep change on me for the beggars.  It's way better than judgment... Yup.  OK, off to a cappuccino and I'll hang on to the change for later...

One hundred days...

Got my feet on the ground in Asia again, and it feels excellent... And once again I'm reminded of why I'm here... it's not about 'adventure' or finding new challenges, discovering idyllic villages, the perfect beach, climbing mountains, riding the zipline through the jungle etc.  It's about retreat.  From television, from professional sports, from the so-called news of the day, from being Rich Glauber in Eugene, from my laptop, from dance class, from the phone, from the normal every day life that I enjoy in Eugene.  Don't get me wrong, it's an excellent life that I get to lead, but it's so great to step outside of it and have a look at other ways of being.

And here I am back in Chiang Mai, at the Royal Guest House where I've hung out for parts of the last three winters, over to the Lost Book Shop, run by the witty Irishman, George.  He tells me that it was supposed to be called 'the Last Book Shop' but when the sign arrived, they had gotten it wrong, and he decided, what the hell, "Lost Book Shop'' sounds pretty good too, so the name stuck.  George is assisted by Joy, a tiny and very intelligent Thai woman who I've gotten to know over the years.  She told me about some Aussie guy who had ripped them off for a couple of books, and when she confronted him, he slapped her in the face.  And then she went into wild woman mode, grabbed stuff off the desk and flung it in his face hyper speed, went for the hammer and he took off.  She had some store video of the exchange and when she played it for me, all the customers came over to have a look.  Great TV!  Joy is awesome... probably weighs 95 pounds but she was a dervish.

Yes, it's a retreat for me here, great food everywhere, Thai massage everywhere, a swimming pool at the guest house where I do my laps, a spartan room on the 4th floor with a bed, a desk, a light and a bathroom with hot water shower, for under $10/night.  It's a time to read and to reflect, to play a lot of guitar, work on songwriting, perform at the CU Corner for friends and the public.  There's something great about waking up in the middle of the night, and instead of reaching for the radio or the computer, reaching for a book or the guitar.  My mind is way more engaged and that's what this is about.

I feel super lucky about the whole thing.  Lucky that I get to be an American with these kind of choices, lucky that I've got a certain skill (plus 40 years of practice) that opens doors and lets me connect with others and with myself.  Music is endless, and it's cumulative... stuff I worked on years ago gets to come out here.  I'm reminded of an interview that I heard with Jerry Seinfeld in which he talked about how great it is to 'have material', to have stuff that's been tested and refined and 'works'.  I've got that satisfaction as well, it feels very good.  And it's cumulative.... that Ray Charles stuff I worked on this year... it's gonna get played and enjoyed here.  That 'Mock Me Rama' birthday song I wrote in August... it's gonna get played and enjoyed... that Hank Williams stuff from last year.... same same... that 'We've Got It' swing thing I wrote for the Reach Center fundraiser... same same.  Cumulative...

When I looked at my dates for the trip, I realized that it was 100 days on the road, and something about that number was pleasing.  Sounds way better than three months and ten days or whatever.  One hundred days feels more understandable... one day at a time... times a hundred.

What not to do with animals...

Don't play poker with a squid
You'll never keep track of all the cards that he hid
It's not too funny when you lose all your money
Don't play poker with a squid

You shouldn't play soccer with a mule
You might get hurt and miss a week of school
You'll be lying in the grass when he kicks you in the ...leg
Don't play soccer with a mule

Don't play hopscotch with a kangaroo
He'll win right away, it's sad but it's true
Then you'll feel bad, or maybe hopping mad
Don't play hopscotch with a kangaroo

Don't ever babysit for a monkey
He'll make a big mess and your house will smell funky
He will climb on your head and he'll never go to bed
Don't ever babysit for a monkey

Don't take a bath with an electric eel
Clean is not the only thing you will feel
In your little birthday suit, you'll be so electro-cute
Don't take a bath with an electric eel

Don't see-saw with a Saint Bernard
Getting up would be easy, getting down would be hard
If you want a fun ride, you might try the slide
Don't see-saw with a Saint Bernard

Don't kid around with a cockatoo
Ya just don't know what a cockatoo could do
From everything I've heard, he's a sensitive bird
Don't kid around with a cockatoo

Don't do the limbo with a poisonous snake
If you go that low, your back could break
You might win the battle, uh oh, what's that rattle?
Don't do the limbo with a poisonous snake

I wouldn't tell a joke to a giraffe?
Her neck is so long, you might not hear the laugh
Some jokes are hard to follow, this may be hard to swallow
Don't tell a joke to a giraffe

Please don't argue with a lion
You might make a point
Or you may die tryin'
Just let it ride, forget your foolish pride
Please don't argue with a lion

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Victory Lap

On the way out to the early gig at Outres Market, I had a feeling that things were going to go well. The four of us were in a tuktuk heading to the venue and I looked up into a warm starry sky with Orion directly overhead. The driver had arrived early to pick us up, things seemed to be clicking. We got there, Mike got us wired in, and then we laid down a great hour-long set, no pause between songs, bang bang bang, it was kinda thrilling. Started with 'Serendipity' which is a jazzy jam I wrote here and we really sounded good and tight. People were quite into the music, it's not much of a dancing crowd here, but they were moving and smiling as were we. At one point, Bianco (sax/flute) played a solo and then decided it was the perfect time to go pass the hat. Big crowd, he couldn't resist. We finished that song and started the next as a trio, while he worked the room. It was pretty funny, actually (and it got us a nice chunk of change)

Then back into the tuktuk, back to town for our last night at Led Zephyr. Apparently we have some fans, the place wasn't packed, but there was a lot of support from the Canadians, the Russians, the Israelis. Kinda beautiful in a way. I have been extremely comfortable on stage here, and since I've had the great opportunity to play with Simon holding down the groove on bass, it has freed me up to have a little more fun. Especially on the two chord jam tunes, I've been playing my syncopated part on rhythm guitar while doing salsa steps with my lower half. Sing and dance and play. Love it, it's great to have a bass player with good feel. Kind of a 'must have' at this point.

And the highlight of all of it was sitting around afterward with Tim and Neil who are part of the management team at Zephyr. They really liked us from the beginning and Tim said, 'Working with guys like you reminds us of why we're doing this'. They've dealt with some asshole musicians, takers, egotists etc and it can take a toll. We were appreciative, professional and giving, as were they, so there was a certain sheen on the proceedings, people working together pulling in the same direction. And hanging out after the gig, laughing, drinking, gossiping, talking about the future.... it felt very very good. This place is a very real possibility for next winter, in whatever musical capacity. If the band can re-form, great, if it turns into some kind of open mike/cabaret situation, great. To have an excellent venue that appreciates what you bring, and wants to bring you back.... priceless.

My band mates joke about hitting me over the head and kidnapping me so we can keep gigging together. Feels nice, but a touch sad to come to this point. But, what can you do? It was an incredible 5 week musical ride, between the rehearsing and the relationships, the gigs and the laughter and the friendship. Something tells me that there is more in the future. Hope so.

Sweating into the guitar

Had a rough night at the open mike tonight... It probably started earlier in the day when I went to the music store to teach a guitar lesson. Some guys were sitting around rehearsing for tonight's event, so I invited my student to go around the corner to my guest house where we could work without disturbing anybody. As we left, I banteringly asked the rehearsing guys to hurry up cause I was teaching another lesson there in an hour. I thought it was obvious that I was goofing, but apparently people took me seriously. It was one of those New York humor moments that can be misunderstood. I thought the people knew me well enough to know that I'm supportive of all what they are doing, and I'm only wanting to help. So I kind of pulled a Colbert type shtick, that people didn't pick up on. Oops.

So there we are at the open mike and Simon reports that people are pissed off at me for having an attitude. Dude it was a joke. 'I know but maybe some other people don't'. So I talked to a few of the likely offended and got that cleared up. But then Mike wanted me and the quartet to close the open mike, so that was more fuel to the 'Glauber has a big ego' thread of the day. Me, I wanted to play early, do a few things I hadn't done in a while, use the open mike like an open mike and try out some material. Instead I watched everybody do their thing, backed up a few people, but was getting progressively more uptight and negative about the whole thing. It just seemed like an off night. It felt to me that people were playing too long, the music was mediocre, the Russians who kept asking me when I was playing were getting impatient, Mostly it was me, getting triggered by the 'he has a big ego' theme, which goes way back to my 'family of origin' stuff. I was ready to say 'fuck it, I don't need to play', go diva on the whole situation, but I've found that only makes it worse. So it was a 'fraught' open mike for me, which is too bad, because that particular Friday evening jam was where I first tapped into the community 5 weeks ago. I sucked it up and did my best, and it was OK. It's been quite an arc over the weeks, though it kind of thudded at the end. Oh well. No harm done, just part of the human story.

And on we go. Two gigs tomorrow, an opening spot at Outres Market, where I've been 0 for 2 so far. Maybe the third time is the charm? Then we take a tuktuk back into town to play 2 and 1/2 hours at Led Zephyr. These are the last of the paying gigs. After that, it's a couple more days to get organized and, as Jelly would say, 'I'm away'. Tuesday 12 hour trip across the border and on to Bangkok. Wednesday 5am flight to Japan, Seattle, Eugene. In a way I'm glad that things aren't at their height, then it would be harder to leave. The season is beginning to wind down as March hits. Believe it or not, some cold Oregon weather sounds pretty good for a month or so. I've sweated into my guitar more than I've ever sweated into a guitar. On a daily basis, sweating into the guitar.

Purim in Cambodia

How bout this one for a Purim story.... another in a long line of weird things that have happened during that holiday. (I've got some tales). This Swedish girl was wanting to help her friend get off work early, so she told a 'little white lie' that it was her birthday and could her friend leave work early and help her celebrate. Before she knew it, all these people were wishing her happy birthday... a cake appeared, everyone was buying her drinks, it was a big party (and it wasn't her birthday). She said that she got so drunk she actually thought it was her birthday. She told her friend, 'This is the best birthday I've ever had', and she meant it. It wasn't her birthday, but it was Purim, when the Jews are commanded to get so drunk they don't know the difference between good and evil. Afterward she said that she felt guilty for making it up and having it get so large and crazy. But when I told her about Purim, and the fact that her story is a perfect Purim metaphor, she was very pleased. Felt much better about her deception. Cosmic forces, people....

And another Swedish vignette... this one with the two twenty year old girls who are staying in the room next to mine at the barracks, er guest house. (it looks like a barracks). Two blonde Swedes, but they have dyed their hair and eyebrows black. I said, 'So in other words, everyone wants to be blonde and they bleach their hair, but you two who are truly blonde, you dye your hair in the opposite direction. That's funny'. The one I was talking to pointed to the other one and said, 'No that's funny'. I turned to her and said, 'You're funny?' She said, yes I'm funny. Her name was Fannie (pronounced 'fonny'). THAT was funny.