Assumptions....

Wow, sometimes you think you're gonna write about one thing, and then bam, something happens and you have to write about the other thing. In this case, I got a real strong negative FB message this morning, from a friend I know who lives in SE Asia, in which he chided me for being naive, in danger, and basically stupid for being involved with a local woman. He assumed that I was hangin' and bangin' (my term) with a local 21 year old 'informal sex worker', who is basically one of the unemployed women who hang out in the bars and try to connect with sugar daddies from abroad. It's a booming business, clearly, and there are boatloads of tourists whose mission seems to be to screw as many women as possible before heading home to Brighton or Helsinki or Davenport Iowa. I've heard a bunch of stories, most of them ending badly, about guys who get taken in by that perfume and end up hooked into something that costs them a bunch of money and heartache. And my friend was putting me into that group. Yikes!

So it was like a cold shower this morning to be greeted by that bit of accusation, particularly after spending a very loving night with M, another very loving night actually. Ever since I've been back in town, 5 days now, it's been soul satisfying stuff, great connection, a lot of open heart energy, even with the knowledge that I need to be on a plane out of Bangkok on Feb 26. There is a tiny bit of dread about that parting, coming from both of us, but that's just part of the mix, and we'll have to see about it when it actually happens.

Me, I've said goodbye to many many women over the years, after good times and bad, so there is a certain inevitability to it. I can remember some of the hardest ones, when my heart is breaking and there's nothing to do but cry. One of the earliest was as a twenty year old in San Cristobal de las Casas, Chiapas Mexico, I said goodbye to my friend Sheila, we had travelled for only a week or so, but were headed in different directions. Not even lovers, but I sure loved her. When we parted, I sat on the curb and just bawled in front of startled Indians who weren't used to seeing a gringo like that.

And in Spain as a 24 year old, saying goodbye to my friend Blanca, another non-lover, well, technically anyhow, but I was heading through Europe to Israel, and sorry, adios. For me it wasn't a big deal, but for her, she suffered a lot. I didn't realize it at the time, but found out subsequently. We were going to see eachother a year and a half ago when I was in Spain with my son, and she was still referring to how hard that was for her, kind of a lifetime ache or something.

So this whole parting thing is fraught for both parties. Parties parting, and it ain't no party. So I'm at the point where I'm starting to imagine the future. Do I end up here next winter? Likely. Is it feasible to have a long term relationship in the meantime? not likely, I know myself well enough to know that I like women too much to become a monk. Do I really care for M? Yes I do. Aside from the obvious delights that we share in my room at the Royal, there is a lot of great communication, lots of laughter, care and genuine happiness in the connection. She's a smart cookie, and a giving soul, and even though we're so different on the surface, so were John and Yoko, and I think I found my Yoko. She's been something of a muse, as a lot of the stuff I've been writing has sourced from the opened up place of experiencing love. It's a good thing. A great thing...

So to my friend who read me the 'horny sex-tourist riot act', I think your comments were more about your prejudices than about my errant ways or naivete. M is not 21, she's 39, employed, strong in English, with a big soul. It's been a blessing to make the connection. I do thank you for the warning, it's certainly something to be aware of, but I'm going to trust my insides on this one. And we'll see how things unfold.