Found a Peanut...

Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut last night. Actually I didn't find a peanut, but I did find a half hour that I wasn't expecting, and that's the first thing that popped into my head when I found it. Why did I 'find' a half hour? Because I got up, showered, coffeed, and then got ready to bike over to my 8am dance class at the gym. Put on my helmet, grabbed the back pack with the dance shoes inside, unlocked my bike (I know this is all terribly interesting stuff) and started wheeling around the house to get going.

Hey wait a minute, what time is that dance class again? During the week it's at 8:30 and on Saturdays it's at 8am. Have I gotten it backwards again? Checked my cell phone and yeah, it was 7:45am and I'm a half hour early. Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut last night. I suppose I could use the time to scrub out the bathtub as the reddish mildew stains are beginning to reappear. Nah, later on that, besides, I like to do that chore and then hop into the clean shower for a victory wash, and I'm already showered this morning. I could practice the piano for half an hour, keep banging away at that 'Up a Lazy River' melody that is quite challenging? Nah, I'll do that later. Maybe dig in to the blog for half an hour and see if I can rustle up something interesting, or at least put something down. Yeah, that's right, here I am.

'Here I am' is what Moses said to God at the burning bush during that revelatory sequence in the desert. In Hebrew it's 'Hineni' (here I am). Moses sees the bush burning but not being consumed by the flames, he hears a voice that says 'Moses'. Moses doesn't say, 'yo', he doesn't say, 'You talking to me?' he doesn't say, 'Who's there?' (although he does say that later on in the conversation). He does say, 'Here I am'.... and then comes the conversation that changes the course of history, in which Moses gets his marching orders (literally) and begins the return to Egypt and the freeing of his people.

I didn't hear a voice call my name this morning, but I'm saying 'Here I am' anyway. Can you do that? Yeah, why not, here I am. Amusingly, the computer had a little hiccup when I tried to write that last 'here I am' after asking (rhetorically) if it was OK to do so. So I typed it in, but the 'I am' took a few seconds to appear. Good one, God, you got me again :-) And it makes me wonder if that's what's been missing from my life lately (forever?) That connection with something greater. I tend to go inside to find the truth, as if the truth resided in one Rich Glauber and all his alleged magnificence (he said sarcastically). And yeah, the truth is in there, but it's way deeper than anything I could create on my own. The greater truth is that I can only hope to channel and tune into something of which I am only an infinitesimal part. I've definitely been guilty of trying to take credit for that which is not mine, often with unhappy results. So here this morning, in my one half hour of bonus time, I've gotten a little glimpse into that sweet humility which needs to be part of the path. In other words 'here I am' could be thought of as 'here I am, part of the much bigger story' 'here I am, open to the rest of the world'. Time to dance...