Yep, I could see the handwriting on the wall after the last class, the one in which we learned how to give and receive directions, along the lines of 'Go to the market, which is across the street from the Ping restaurant, take a left and go over the bridge until you see the railroad station on your left. Take a right and go 100 meters and you'll pass a traffic light. The library is on the right' Um, I could give a shit about learning how to say this stuff in lesson three of a beginning language course, especially when we're struggling with 'How are you' and 'I'll have the fried rice with pork'. And my mind went into 'aggrieved shutdown' mode as I made the choice to not copy the stuff off the board, because I flat out didn't want to.
It was a microcosm of my college career, in which I would get highly offended if a teacher sucked or a course was useless and a waste of time. Students who were more mature than me in these areas (that would be everybody) would have the wherewithal to just suck it up and make it through. I, on the other hand, would take it as some kind of personal affront and would either drop out or disappear or suffer. It's not the most effective part of my personality, and guess what, it hasn't changed. Weird.
It's definitely an 'ego thing' in which I have a need to be the master of my fate or whatever, and if I'm put in a situation that is beholden to someone or something that I don't respect, I find it intolerable. (I'm sure I'd have had a very short military career.... 'Fuck you, why should I present arms? Who the fuck are you?') (he said on the way to the brig). I'm not a total wacko when it comes to this stuff (but close), and I can withstand a certain small amount of powerlessness, but it definitely makes me edgy. I clearly wouldn't make a good and compliant member of the flock. Flock that!
I'm reminded of reading Nietzsche (did I spell that correctly?) Why yes I did, not bad... I also hit 'soliloquy' yesterday without spell check, you go girl. Anyway, where was I? I'm in my second year of college at Alfred University in Western New York State, just outside of Bugtussel, (Beverly Hillbillies reference implying that it's in the boonies) and I made straight A's that first semester. Then we had a 7 week winter break and I took off for a Florida vacation where I went to visit my cousin Gordon in Miami Beach, got a little job at a hotel doing daycare for the kids, traveled around a bit, Everglades, Tampa, Orlando the year they opened Disney World, and read Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche. It was an experience of being on the road, seeing the world, not being beholden, escaping the winter and reading about the 'uber-mensch' the 'over man', the one who doesn't follow the small rules of small minded society, but instead is on the mountain top answering to a higher calling. Yep, that was me, the 'over man' and sure enough, my college career was 'over'. Moved off campus into a funky old house ten miles into the country with some friends. Missed a few classes, didn't really care about the rest, went from straight A's to a D plus average that second semester and that was that. I was off to see the world. I started on a series of adventures and jobs that took me to the coast of Maine, Fishers Island, NY, a boat trip out of New Orleans, headed allegedly to the Virgin Islands that instead got grounded in Key West, where I spent 8 months, a wild swing through Mexico for 3 months, life on the road. Mom, it wasn't my fault.... Nietzsche did it....
And that same impulse to rebel at being controlled or beholden was up strong for me in class yesterday. The teacher drew a city map on the board with all these landmarks and the students were to spend a few minutes describing how to get from point A to point B in Thai. I was literally incapable of doing it, partly because I hadn't copied the stuff from the previous class, mostly because my mind was in shut down mode and there was no getting out of my own way. I sat there for a few minutes and she's looking at me as if to say, 'why aren't you doing it?' I talked to her for a minute in the hallway, saying I couldn't do it, and would just listen, went back into the room, sat there for a few minutes getting progressively more twisted up, until finally I gathered my stuff, whispered, 'Excuse Me' and walked out. Ah sweet freedom, back in the sunshine heading back toward town, a song in my heart, my feet on the pavement. The more things change.... I won't be going back for the final class. Not interested in that way of learning. I need to have the stuff in my mouth and my ear, not on the page. And I'm learning every day, including in a few hours when I'll have that guitar lesson/language trade with Michael. Live and learn...
Played some really fun music in the bar last night, it's kinda old guy night, when these fellas play acoustic singalongs and it's a really good scene. If I were walking down the street and I came upon this vibe, I'd go in; it was warm and inviting. Two of the participants are now my students, and I spent a couple hours singing harmony, leading a few songs, (Sloop John B, Willin', Wonderful Tonight, Goodnight Irene) and just being part of the action. M was in pretty nice form, though never too far from her beer and cigarette, poor thing. I think we can be friends, which was what we had been saying all along if the 'girlfriend thing' didn't work out. We like each other. Jeff is really happy to have me around as I add a nice pro touch to whatever music is happening. I play bass on some of the sets, I just help the music sound better, and am therefore an asset for his business, and he lets me know... though he's the opposite of the effusive type. For him to say 'not bad' is high praise indeed. It's just his make-up. But he did make sure to let me know that there is free food tonight (Friday) when he throws a little barbecue for his regulars, chicken kabob skewers with a little bit of veggies, and maybe some wings or something. It's great to 'belong' in a spot, and the regulars dig me a lot. (and I drink water, lots of it, M keeps the glass filled)
Working on a new song, kind of like a Bobby Darin swingin' thing from the early sixties. Retro groove, dance music from that era, I think the lyric is gonna be about my friend Joanie who has been my dance partner for decades. She is a delightful Southern Belle, has been married to her husband Marv for 40 years, and we've been friends for thirty. Marv doesn't dig the bar scene, dance scene, he'd rather be fishing on the river, and it works out perfectly as here's their friend Rich who loves to dance and has been escorting Joanie for decades. She and I love each other as friends, and we always express a lot of gratitude for the relationship that has allowed us to have countless hours of fun dancing through the years. I call her my 'pretend girlfriend', and that's fairly accurate. It's clean and nice, a total gift. Joanie is an exceptionally charming dancer, she lights up the room, people smile when they see her dance. I also call her the 'Belle of the Bar'.
So I was trying to come up with the next tune, and since nothing was coming on the guitar, I decided once again to try just singing something out of my head to see if I could latch on to something nice. This is a new approach, and it's intriguing to me. It took a few tries and then I got this groove going (it would make me dance) and I put in the chords.... nothing too out of the ordinary, but jazzy and swingin' and fun. 'Fun'... that word again, it keeps coming up, doesn't it? So the new one is taking shape, a swingin' dance tune in the Key of F (one of my favorite places) and off we go.
And on the subject of song writing, here's what I posted on Facebook this morning:
'I'm gonna keep writing songs until I write a musical theme as perfect as 'Yesterday' by Paul McCartney. On top of everything else.... the second dropping to the root, the key change and trip up the harmonic minor scale, to another settling of the second to the minor root, a smooth flow back into the major, followed by a lovely Vlm lldom lV cadence back home... Aside from all that, it is a 7 bar phrase, which is almost unheard of... (and you'd never even notice). Musical perfection... (especially for theory nerds like yours truly)'
No comments:
Post a Comment