H/D equals....

Well well well, don't we have much to discuss this morning, and by 'discuss', apparently I mean soliloquy, since next to no one comments on my blog (not that I have any negativity about that, which I kinda don't) How's that for ambiguity? I think a few people read what I write, but they (you) seem to be content to just have a look. Jeez, I feel like I'm painting myself into a corner right off the top here, the corner being that part of me that needs a lot of attention, and then when I realize that (again), I want to back off and pretend it's not the case. Let me state categorically (as if you didn't know:-) that yes, I do like attention. 'My name is Rich Glauber and I'm an attention-aholic' "Hi Rich" (for any of you who don't know about AA, that's how one introduces oneself, OK?) Editor's note... (Grade for paragraph one is 'Oy")

OK now where were we? I've got lots of stuff in my brain this morning, as yesterday was quite eventful. After the usual cappucino, writing, swimming, food, music blah blah blah that I do every day.... (side note, the Thai word for 'fish' is plah, with a hard P sound that makes it sound like 'blah'. 'How was the fish?' The fish was blah) I guess you had to be there... anyhow, my day started getting very interesting around the evening time. I had met this very interesting English woman C, a week or so ago just after she arrived in Thailand. She's a beauty, age appropriate, got a glow about her and our conversation got around to tango. She loves to dance and wonders if there's a place to tango in Chiang Mai. We traded contact information and I was kinda smitten. She went off on a yoga retreat in Pai, 3 hours north of here, and in the meantime, my buddy John dragged me to a tango class (of all things), so now I'm in the know about where the scene is. I contacted her and told her that when she gets back, we can have that dance.

But before that I had kind of done the rich glauber thing about being very direct... that I thought she was great, didn't know if she was single, I'm single, I'm interested. It's kind of a strange thing that I do in these situations. Because I know myself well enough to know that if I'm interested in someone, I tend to think about it, get distracted about it, wonder about it, not quite obsess about it, so my strategy is to just be totally upfront and honest, and give the person the opportunity to blow me off quickly. That is totally preferable to me, compared to spending a lot of time wondering. C didn't blow me off, responded with some humor and let me know that she was going off on her workshop, so OK, we'll see if anything develops later. Of course the chances are slim, but whatever.

So she returns from Pai earlier than expected, didn't really dig her workshop and gets my message about the tango class. She wants to go, so I'm gonna pick her up at her guest house and walk her over there. I'm kind of excited, feels almost like a date, and those have been few and far between lately. I got a little lost, showed up 10 minutes after I said I would, needed to calm myself down slightly after getting pissed off about being late, I hate that, but all is well. She's looking tremendous, nice outfit, beautiful presence and we take a pleasant stroll over to the studio. The class was OK, she was great to dance with, she used to tango a lot and she's got that thing that the great followers have, a kind of presence, grace. It was dreamy, but of course I felt the responsibility to dance with all the women, because there are just a few men, and it's not fair for people to be left out. But dancing with C was great, and for her, she was kind of 'wow, I can't believe I'm dancing tango in Chiang Mai'.

So now it's time to roll out of there, 9:30 or so and I ask if she'd like to have some food or a drink. She said a drink sounds good, so on the way back toward her place we stop at a nice spot, quiet, outdoor seating (isn't everything around here basically outdoor seating?) and we each order a large beer. C gets the good seat, kind of little throne with a cushion and an arbor overhead, while I'm one place over, rather than across the table... feels a bit more intimate that way... and we proceeded to have a scintillating, effortless conversation that was kind of magical. Lots of smiles, lots of attraction and ease, it was as if there was some kind of glow over the proceedings. Just to look across at someone so lovely, so interesting, spiritual (she's quite into Buddhism), single, smiling, into me OMG it was totally dreamy. And I didn't have any of the 'I'm gonna score tonight' kind of energy around it, it was as if she helped bring out my higher self, so there was no pressure, no 'wanting' simply enjoying, 'be here now, open heart', which she says are the two basic tenets of Buddhism and the path which she is walking' Our date was pretty much right there and my heart just smiles thinking about how good it felt to just enjoy one another's company, to feel that mutual attraction and have that be enough. On the way back to her place, she took my arm, she gave me a kiss and a hug and we said goodnight outside the guest house. I said, shall we see each other again? and she's like, 'that would be great'. But she's got plans with friends the next few days, so it will be sometime maybe on the weekend or after, but there's no hurry, right? Right, Rich? No hurry, right? Uh yeah, I guess not... though of course I could find some time a little sooner, but oh well, patience is a good thing (they tell me) :-)

So I'm starting to head home and I hear some guitar music from a guest house near C's. I see that some Farang are sitting on the patio strumming, so I just sit down to listen. One guy is REALLY GOOD, kind of like a Don Latarsky type who is playing an arrangement he wrote for 'Walking in a Winter Wonderland' that is jazzy, voice leading, top level stuff. wow!. There's a younger guy there as well who plays something not bad, but not in the same universe as the long haired older guy. Eventually they ask if I play, and did I want to play something. Broke out Bhang Lassie (simple three chord reggae) and we be jammin'. Dude knocks out a superior solo on the song, and then says, what else ya got? I break out 'Everybody's wrong but you'. (minor blues with a cool and somewhat surprising change in the middle a la Robert Cray). Dude knocks out a killer solo and says, 'Wow that's a great tune! Do another one.' I break out 'He's Got What it Takes' (Fats Waller style swing) Dude knocks out a killer solo and freakin' loves my stuff. We speak the same musical language and we're in musical heaven until the guest house owner pops her head out and says that it's midnight, time to stop. I don't even know his name, but he's going to join me on next Tuesday's set at the CU Corner. Turns out he's from those Islands off the coast of Washington, can't think of the name now, but suddenly I have a collaborator. My stuff makes sense, but you need to have a certain level of musicianship in order to play along (it's a jazz thing) and this guy is sensational. A new friend, now if I could only find out his name. But I know where he lives Rendezvous Guest House room 119. We'll be jamming.... (so great to have a lead player!)

And then it's after midnight and if it wasn't interesting enough to that point, it got moreso now. I swung by the bar on my way home to say hi to M and the guys. She brought me my glass of water, and I sat with Jeff and this funny guy named Peter and we were talking about how we should organize a Tuktuk chariot race along the lines of Ben Hur. It would be hysterical to see those three wheeled noisy chariots careening around corners, tipping over (which they do, by the way) and there are many drivers who are crazy and competitive and it would be a money maker. The image is hysterical and we were all cracking up. Meanwhile, M is looking beautiful with her beer and cigarette, but damn, I'm just super attracted to her in spite of it all, and she seemed to be over being angry at me. I have a type of 'lower chakra' energy in her direction, and there's a part of me that wants to 'connect' with her regardless of the consequences. So we're having a little conversation and I ask if she's coming over tonight? (not proud of that, but it's a fact) And she asks if I can wait for her, or should she come over later? I hate waiting around the bar, it always takes too long for the drunks to be done or for Jeff to say, OK that's it, so I say, I'll be at my place. But I was definitely conflicted about it, as was she. We left it at, 'maybe'. I go home, make it through the Lady Boy gauntlet at 1:30am, go up to my room, and then realize, no, it's not right, she shouldn't come here. I wanted to ignore what I was feeling inside, you know have one more night of horizontal expression, if you will, but it just wasn't right. So I headed back down the 4 flights of stairs, back through the gauntlet to go tell her, nope, not a good idea.

The bar was closed, so I walked by her place around the corner, in case she was grabbing a change of clothes and a toothbrush, nope, and then I headed to a place where she sometimes goes after work to see her friends and continue drinking. Bingo, there she was with a beer and a cigarette, surprised to see me. We had a talk out in the street, and I said it's not right, she shouldn't come over. She agreed, said she was conflicted herself, but she tends to go to the 'whatever you want, Richard' card, and I felt clear enough about it to say, don't come over. So she didn't, and that's as it should be. It does have something to do with the conversation I had with C earlier in the evening, who, in talking about her Buddhism, has got a different take on sexuality lately. She doesn't go there (well, we'll possibly see about that, but I digress).... but she definitely feels like she's in a new, better and less grasping place about it, and that was attractive to me. And it helped me to come down on the side of heart over dick (H/D for you math majors) and make the right decision, against my baser instincts. Yeah, if M had come over, I was already scheming about how I'd not talk about that in my next interaction with C or how I'd rationalize it, and I recognized the devious side of what happens when you do the wrong thing, so hey, do the right thing. (Like Spike Lee says). And I'm pretty sure I'm doing the right thing, not because I want to make my move on C, but because it's simply the right thing. And if a glowing interaction with a glowing person helps me to see that, so much the better. You believe me, right? I believe me, and that's more important. Feels good to have written this installment, time to go swimming then to Thai class.
Out....
RG