Hedonist

Wow, it took me this long to finally figure out my essential nature. I'm a hedonist. I seek pleasure as a matter of course and a matter of nature. I came to this brilliant realization today, as I observed my behavior three days before my departure to Thailand.

On a day when I could have organized, shopped, planned, prepared, I did the following:
Morning dance class (LOVED IT!), cup of coffee and a chat at the Jiffy Market, played a half hour gig at the branch library, had some food, played disc golf for two hours in the sun, (LOVED IT!) dropped in on a friend and made a little music, finally made it home and would now rather write than do something (allegedly) productive. Seems to be my nature. And I feel good, what can I say?

Maybe I was squeezing the last remnants from my lovely existence in Eugene, Oregon, where I get to be a musician who makes people happy. That's what I do for a living. I get to make music that makes people happy. A dad at the library told me that his two year old son described me as 'the happy guy'. SWEET!

The flip side of my hedonism is perhaps an inability to put up with much externally controlled bullshit that feels lousy. I know that I have a very low threshold for bullshitters, people who talk too much, bureaucratic crap, dishonesty etc. If I had a teacher who was lousy, that would be infuriating to me. How could I have to sit here and listen to this garbage?! (Not surprisingly, I haven't fared too well in the bureaucratic world, didn't make it through college, tend to clash with institutions etc).

I go off to a place I've never been, with a sense of trust, openness and the philosophy that whatever happens, that's the journey. Let go, let God is what they say in AA meetings, and I basically have that approach when traveling. I won't book anything in advance, (except a flight in and out), and I'll just let the trip unfold. When you don't have plans, don't have a travel partner, then you are open to a new world of mystery and surprise. Some of the most profound moments in my life were about meeting certain people at certain times and having those connections write a new story. It's the opposite of planning, unless you consider the plan to be 'Be in the moment, open your eyes and ears, play music with all your heart, spread joy'.

That's as true as it gets for me. What I know is that when I play music without fear, then I get to create a magical zone of 'Now!'. It's live, it breathes, it connects, and my highest self is in it. It's where I line up best with God. And it feels right.

After a bunch of soul searching, the turning point came when I realized that I needed to take my Spanish guitar on the road with me. There's magic in it. Everything about this guitar feels special. I bought it in Seville, after walking on the Camino de Santiago. I spent a couple of days going between guitar shops and trying out a bunch of guitars. And I bought this one whose label say 'Alhambra' Muro del Alcoy, Spain. I hopped a bus south to Tarifa and this Spanish guy saw I was carrying a guitar, so he asked to see it.

Now in the States, if someone wants to see your guitar, chances are they'll strum a G chord to hear how it sounds. This Spanish dude grabs the guitar and hits an A7b9 which is a total flamenco sound, that moorish wailing chord that's gorgeously dissident. That's right, brother, put a little gypsy soul into my guitar, gracias. And yeah, it's earthy to play without a pick, to use your fingers and fingernails. This guitar is of the earth.

And the guitar is telling me that Rich, you're a fearless musician, play me, share me, make music wherever you are, play live, write the song as you go, and then write the next one. 'Jah live, children yeah' (Bob Marley)